Writer:	Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner
Director:	Terry Hughes
Star:	John Lithgow (Dick Solomon),  Jane Curtin (Mary Albright),  Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Tommy Solomon),  French Stewart (Harry Solomon),  Kristen Johnston (Sally Solomon)
Recurring Role:	Wayne Knight (Officer Don),  Shay Astar (August)
Guest Star:	Bart McCarthy (Hamlet VO),  Joshsua Ekblom (Benvolio),  Richard Karron (Jimmy),  Mary-Pat Green (Diane),  Anna Slotky (Cheryl),  Robert Lyon Rasner (Timothy),  Richard Fancy (Judege DeBelko),  Mike Ditka (Coach Mafferty)

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Tommy: Remind me never to ask you for another favor again!
Dick: You weren't right for the role.
Harry: Hey, how'd the audition go?
Tommy: I lost the part. The Di-rec-tor didn't think I was good enough!
Dick: You were good; you had delivery, presence, timing, you just didn't have that indefinable something extra.
Tommy: I was just trying to score some points with my girlfriend, is that too much to ask?
Dick: Romeo and Juliet is a Shakespearian tragedy, it has nothing to do with a horny teenager and his girlfriend! (edit) Dick: Now everyone, watch again as I act out the play in its entirty. Nina?
Nina: Curtain rises. A big, pompous blowhard flounces onto the stage. (edit) (Dick is reading the review of the play in the school newspaper)
Dick: Dick Solomon's over-the-top performance...(he looks up with a smile and then continues) ...gave new meaning to the word 'tragedy.' Ah, I have redefined my art! (edit) Officer Don: Hamlet? The story is as old as time; Pretty boy son has a rich daddy and a good-looking mommy. The uncle knocks off daddy, marries mommy and he cuts pretty boy out of the action. So junior goes crazy and he kills them all. Not a pretty story... but there it is.
Tommy: Isn't that the plot to The Lion King? (edit)

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