Aired June 9, 2006 on the Comedy Network. (edit)

Alice: He's a shop-lifter! And he's getting away!
Diane: You saw him steal a book?
Alice: No. But he has a purse and he smells like patchouli.
Diane: You just described all of our customers! (edit) Diane: Okay, what button do you push if you want to clear a sale? (Alice pushes a random series of buttons) No... no... no... no... no... Alice, have you been listening to a word I've said?
Alice: Why do we even need to use this stupid thing? You're the one that's always saying, "Technology is our enemy!"
Diane: I was talking about bombs, Alice, not cash registers. (edit) Alice: You keep saying "we" and "us" like we're going to split my paycheque.
Bob: No, ethically, that wouldn't be right. (edit) (on her video diary, about her mother's protesting activities)
Alice: This week, I wouldn't have minded seeing some of that old bra-burning spirit... without an actual bra burning, 'cause then I'd have to change my name and go live in a cave... but I regress. (edit)

Customer #2, played by Susan Juby, the author of the Alice, I Think book series, tries to purchase a book, only to be told by Alice that they don't take credit cards; the book she's trying to purchase is Miss Smithers, one of the Alice, I Think books. (edit)

(upset that she's been left alone in the Bookworm)
Alice: It was a tormentious situation, being abandoned by my own mother my first day on the job, like Moses in the bullrushes, or that little boy in that movie with Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep... the one where she doesn't have an accent.

While Alice's mother ~did~ leave her alone, it wasn't quite like Moses, who was put in a basket and hidden in some bullrushes in order to save his life.
The movie that Alice refers to is Kramer vs. Kramer (1979); the story is about a mother who leaves her husband and son, then returns and fights for custody of him. Meryl Streep is famous for assuming accents in her many roles; however, in this movie, she was playing an American and so had no accent. (edit) Diane: I don't care if you're an intellectual and you attend our community college. If a customer wants to buy a thousand Danielle Steele books, you shut your mouth and you wrap them up!
John: Danielle Steele's written a thousand books?

Danielle Steele is a prolific romance author who has written over 60 books, which have sold over 500 million copies. (edit)