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To research into one of her upcoming movie roles, Bette takes a job as a waitress at a sleazy diner, at first Bette is not very good at actually being a waitress which leads to her almost being fired, so Bette soon learns the trick of the trade and starts giving out advice to her fellow employees and the customers who eat at the diner
From TV Guide: Mishaps abound, including the loss of a borrowed diamond earring, as Bette gets ready to attend the Grammy Awards.
Roy and Bette's plans for a romantic evening are ruined by. . .well, everyone. So Roy decides to whisk his wife away for an evening in Paris -- but flight delays cause them to be stuck at the airport with an assortment of weirdos who they were supposed to share the flight with.
Jon Lovitz shows up at Bette's front door and announces that he is her new next-door neighbor. Unfortunately, his new home is being remodeled and he needs a place to stay for a few days. Bette suggests a hotel, but the manipulative Lovitz succeeds in worming his way into her house---and into her life. Not only is he conniving, he's rude and demanding as well, and goes on to tell Bette that her house is "spiritually toxic" and its evil vibes are the reason her movie career is in the toilet. As crazy as it sounds, Bette believes him and considers selling her house.
Bette finds a letter in the recycling bin, and shows up at Rose's school as a volunteer mom on the same day Olivia Newton-John is helping out. Olivia spends the day avoiding Bette, since (unknown to Bette) Olivia's held a grudge ever since Bette locked her up while she was supposed to be at an audition for "Grease." After fending off the head of the school, who's trying to solicit a screenplay, Bette notices that Rose got her belly-button pierced, much to her mother's dismay. Meanwhile, Connie shows up to get some promotional CDs autographed and winds up spending the day in the girls bathroom doling out advice to the adolescents.
Bette sets out to help Rose with a report on women in business by designing her own clothing line and selling it on QVC.
When Connie's date turns out to be disastrous, Bette takes her out for a night on the town, but all of the men they encounter are losers. Meanwhile, Oscar spends time with Rose and the two realize that they have nothing in common.
Bette appears on The View to plug her new CD and, when she has no stories to tell, implies that she saved a boy who was drowning. But complications ensue when she has to appear again on the show and have a reunion with the fictional boy.
Bette fails to make People magazine's list of "The 50 Hottest People in Hollywood" and realizes she needs to come up with a clever career gimmick. A high-powered, trendy publicist concocts a great idea -- Bette will have a nervous breakdown and a quick recovery. The recovery, however, does not go as planned, and soon everyone believes that Bette really is mentally unstable. Meanwhile, Oscar and Connie come to the realization that they have the exact same taste in men.
When Bette finds out that Tim Curry is in town doing a stage production of William Shakespeare's "Hamlet," she pushes her way into the production, playing the part of his mother, Gertrude. Oscar can't stand Mr. Curry, due to an encounter he thinks he had with the actor while he was a cater-waiter in London, but agrees to help Bette learn her lines. Bette, however, is disinterested in learning the part and proceeds to ruin the rehearsals, forgetting her lines, letting her cell phone go off, and finally (accidentally) punching Tim in the crotch. So Tim suggests they move her character's death into the prologue -- and Bette obliges, working out a catchy production number with The Harlettes.
Bette tries to secure floor seats at a Laker's game as a last-minute birthday present for Roy, but a ticket mix-up results in Bette injuring Kobe Bryant.
Through a series of flashbacks to the '80s, it's revealed how Bette was first introduced to all of the important people in her life -- Connie, Oscar, Roy and Rose.
After firing her record producer, Bette is under pressure to record her new single. She agrees to give Oscar a shot at producing, but easily distracted Bette demands changes to the sound, ignoring Oscar's planned simplistic arrangement of the song. Meanwhile, Connie hangs out with n'Sync and Roy accidentally eats a pot-filled brownie.
Bette is asked to participate in Oprah's book club but, because of her hectic schedule, never has time to actually read the book she is to discuss on television.
Bette gets laryngitis after pushing herself too hard but refuses to admit to Roy that he was right when he suggested that she take it easy.
Bette wants to go trick-or-treating with Rose, who is less than thrilled about going out for Halloween with her mother. After wrecking the set of Dolly Parton's TV special, which she's guest starring in, Bette steals one of Dolly's outfits and drags Rose out for Halloween. But when Bette's usual antics go too far, she winds up getting Dolly arrested.
Bette wins an Emmy for her guest appearance on JAG but she forgets to thank Roy in her acceptance speech. Feeling like she's upset her husband, Bette schemes to win another award, merely to have the opportunity to thank him, and she snags the AFI Woman of the Year Award... unaware that AFI stands for "Airline Films Invitational."
When Bette starts feeling old, she goes all-out to rejuvenate herself -- by singing Kid Rock songs and consulting with a plastic surgeon. Everyone assumes that it's because Danny DeVito's announced that he wants Bette to play his mother in an upcoming sitcom, but oblivious Bette has an entirely different reason for wanting to feel young again.
