Doctor in the House: The V.I.P.

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Duncan Waring gets on the wrong side of an attractive female passenger, unaware that she is a journalist writing an article about her cruise. Dick Stuart-Clark proves to know less about calamari than he claims, with disasterous result. Read full recap »

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Writers:: Jonathan Lynn, George Layton

Director:: David Askey

Stars:: Robin Nedwell (Duncan Waring); Ernest Clark (Professor Sir. Geoffrey Loftus/Captain Norman Loftus); Geoffrey Davies (Dick Stuart-Clark)

Recurring Role:: John Grieve (Purser)

Guest Star:: Bridget Brice (Polly Roberts); Geoffrey Lumsden (Mr McArther); Peter Jolley (Head Waiter); Eddie Malin (Old Gent); Tony Cornford (Fisherman)

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(Waring is bored with his work on board.)
Waring: All we get is the three esses.
Stuart-Clark: What are they?
Waring: Seasick, sunburn and the squidges. edit »
Captain Loftus: Who made the complaint?
Purser: It was made confidentially by a very important passenger.
Captain Loftus: A VIP?
Purser: A V.I. VIP.
Waring: A vivip? edit »
(Stuart-Clark knows where to get calamari.)
Waring: What's it like? I've never had it.
Stuart-Clark: Well, I wouldn't touch it myself, but the captain likes it. It's a sort of unpleasant looking creature with long, clammy tentacles, and it spews out black liquid.
Waring: God, sounds like the captain when he's drunk too much stout. edit »
Polly: Kiss me.
Waring: Kiss you? The captain would murder me.
Polly: Do you want me to give the ship a good write-up, with a special mention for the ship's surgeon?
Waring: Yes, but... Oh, I don't know what to do.
Polly: And you, a doctor? edit »
Captain Loftus: Officers and crew are not allowed sexual relations with passengers, especially if they're of the opposite sex.
Waring: Sir, everybody does.
Purser: Oh, sir, I don't. Especially not with the opposite sex! edit »

After the calamari disaster, Waring and Stuart-Clark are introduced as Burke and Hare. William Burke and William Hare were two nineteenth-century murderers who sold the bodies of their victims to Edinburgh Medical College for dissection. edit »