Featured Music:
"Desperate But Not Serious" by Adam Ant
"Waste Your Time" by Freddy Johnston
"September" by Earth, Wind and Fire
"Start" by The Drew Ross Show (edit)

Mike: Dockers kick ass, Ed. (edit) Ed (on why Carol and other women are attracted to men like Nick): Guys like that, you always know how it's gonna end. (edit) Dr. Jerome: While I pride myself in having a facile sense of humor, steeped in both satire and irony, I choose not to use it here. (edit) Carol (on a stakeout with Ed): Papa Bear is leaving the nest. Let's go! (edit) Ed: I'm quite heterosexual, thank you. (edit) Nancy (watching Ed, as "Hat Man", trying to pick up women at the bar): This is like watching a really cute puppy trying to have sex with a hooker. (edit) Dr. Jerome: Don't let 'em play games with the duck sauce. (edit) George: Life's too short to be someone you don't want to be. (edit) Mike (to Ed, about Dennis): He's still so much cooler than you'll ever be, Ed. (edit) Dennis (to Carol): I don't think enough about you to have a problem with you. (edit) Ed: Cool guys? Cool guys? No thank you, we'd much rather be a couple of dorks. (edit) Ed: We're idiots, Mike. (edit)

Shirley calls Ed "Eduardo" while offering him soda. George McPherson changes his name to Rick Van Stratton. Carol dubs Dennis Martino "Principal Jackass". (edit) Phil tries to become a master magician. He is extremely unsuccessful. A woman notices that his feet never leave the floor when he attempts to levitate. Women catch he and Kenny cheating at the card tricks and Phil becomes claustrophobic after 8 seconds of being in a plexiglass box. (edit) At the beginning of Ed and Carol's stakeout, they take off their seat belts. Shortly afterwards, we see them wearing their seat belts. A little later on, we see that the seat belts are off once again. (edit)

This episode does not have any allusions. Add some now!