Featured Music:
"Just Another" by Pete Yorn (edit)

Mike: A disaster like the school burned down or a disaster like you inhaled chalk dust? (edit) Ed: I just made out with an embezzler. That's kind of a shock to the system. (edit) Phil: The last time Ed Stevens got some action, Bill Clinton was president! (edit) Mark (on what makes him miserable): For me, it's the insult of not being able to legally purchase a fine cigar. (edit) Ed: If you think parading two goons in fifteen hundred dollar suits is enough to intimidate me, then you are being stunningly foolish. (edit) Mike: Wear sturdy pants tomorrow. You're gonna need 'em. (edit) Ed: I slept with Nancy this morning after you left for work. (edit) Ed: Boxes were made of steel back when I was a kid and everything cost a nickel. (edit)

Phil's Scheme: Phil plans to have a Dean Martin style roast for a young Stuckeyvillian's birthday party. Ed objects to this idea. However, the party is a huge success. (edit)

This episode does not have any allusions. Add some now!