Featured Music:
"God Bless America" by Kate Smith (written by Irving Berlin) (edit)

Dennis: You can thank your friend Ed. He really saved my arse. (edit) Nancy: These ladies have made a serious miscalculation... they will rue the day they messed with Nancy Penelope Burton. (edit) Molly: Things in Stuckeyville are starting to get interesting. (edit) Shirley: I could eat stew seven nights a week. I don't, but I could. (edit) Carol (about the Pilgrims): They got to shed their past and open a whole new frontier of possibility. That's worth a little temporary discomfort. (edit) Phil: Parades don't just happen, Sir. (edit) Cookie Mom (after trying Nancy's cookie): This son of a bitch is a homerun. (edit) Ed: Great witness, credible profession, Carol Vessey. Great. Good. (edit) Phil (after Kenny claims he isn't a "guy"): You wanna step outside and let me show you how much of a guy I really am? (edit) Ed: When are we going to tell Sarah that I'm her real father? (edit) Dennis Martino: You know the really sad thing about all of this, Miss Vessey? I was just beginning not to hate you. (edit) Mike Burton: If things get rough, you could make them a cookie they can't refuse. (edit) Mike Burton: I have the pain threshold of a camel. (edit)

Phil's Scheme: Phil's goal is to get local businesses to sign up for the parade. He gets Shirley and Kenny to dress up and go with him through town pretending to be parade organizers. They claim to have planned the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. They can't convince any businesses to do the parade. (edit) $10 Bet: Mike bets Ed ten bucks to go over to two women at the farmer's market and introduce himself as a jackass. Ed walks over to do just that, when one woman turns around and asks, "What do you want, jackass?" Mike has paid the woman ten bucks to say this to Ed, who insists Mike pay up. (edit)

This episode does not have any allusions. Add some now!