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Decending from the heights of Hollywood's A-list, Denzel Washington and Quentin Tarantino land softly upon the black sofa. Rising from the swamp of Ego, the 'Dragons' from Dragons' Den. Music and chat from A-ha.
Bonio and the Hedge stop by for a blether with Jonathan before resuming U2's 360° Tour in Berlin. Saving the world will have to wait... American actress Anjelica Huston returns to the show and an Australian man dressed as a woman - Dame Edna Everage - drags Drag back into the 21st century.
Two guests of complete contrast tonight: fashion designer Dame Vivienne Westwood and fashion disaster James May. Music from Paolo Nutini.
Benny Andersson, one half of the Abba writing duo chats to Jonathan and probably makes the house band faint. Emma Watson and Sandra Bullock also sit upon the Ross sofa.
Music from Little Boots.
The start time for this week's episode is 10:35pm, but after looking at the guest list, a better time to start watching would be about 11:30pm, just after all the uninspiring guests and just before Florence + the Machine.
The Good Guest famine strengthens its hold on the BBC this week, allowing Big Brother loud-mouth Davina McCall unhindered access. Immunity from this famine means Mitchell and Webb should make this week's show watchable. Music from Reverend & The Makers.
Giles Coren and Sue Perkins return with a new series of The Supersizers Go.... Sadly, Jack Black and Take That return to this show.
To misquote Eric Cantona: when Beth Ditto follow a trawler, it is because she thinks sardines will be thrown at her. Or something like that. Dustin Hoffman and Hugh Laurie also join Jonathan for a chat (and maybe a sardine).
You would be forgiven for thinking that the singing Priests were characters from Father Ted. However, they are real priests who really do sing, so we're more likely to hear a rendition of 'Panis angelicus' than one of 'My lovely horse'.
Fresh from her recent victory over the Government regarding the rights of Gurkhas to settle in Britain, Joanna Lumley graces the show with her considerable and formidable presence.
Music from The Killers.
Scott Maslan from Eastenders and friend of the spooks, Yvette fielding join Jonathan this week, but Martin Sheen will undoubtedly be the pick of this week's guests. Music from Grace Jones.
Marshall Mathers III, Slim Shady and Eminem all appear this week. Fortunately they are one in the same, so extra chairs are not required. Ben Stiller and Ewan McGregor are two different people, unlike Eminem who is three different people. There is however, only one Charlotte Uhlenbroek. Four Poofs and a Piano are four different people (and a piano). Simple really...
During Tom Hanks's last appearance, we discovered he is an avid collector of typewriters. Sadly, the noise of every single one of them typing at once would not drown out the noise of Jonathan's other guests: Coleen Nolan, Carol McGiffin and Jane McDonald - the Loose Women.
Music from Dizzee Rascal.
Like a lamb to slaughter, Andrew Lloyd Webber leads Jade Ewen to the Eurovision Song Contest in Moscow. Jonathan's other guests are Rob Brydon and Sophie Dahl, with music from The Enemy.
Bands often split because of 'musical differences', but they nearly always reunite due to 'financial accord'. Maybe the 'Ballet' did it for music, or maybe the price was right. Jonathan is bound to ask that all-important question: why reunite?
Dame Helen Mirren returns, so too does Simon Pegg (with his lovely facial hair) and there's something Called Miley Cyrus, too.
Hugh Jackman is a wolf, or an ex-man, I'm not really sure, but a good way to find out is to watch this episode; an episode which also features Martin Clunes, who is rather bravely (or foolishly) reprising the role of Reggie Perrin in The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin. Music from the ubiquitous Lady GaGa.
You don't have to be called Jason to be on this week's show, but it helps. The fantastically named Whoopi Goldberg and Anthony and the Johnsons are the token non-Jasons this week.
A sight as British as the white cliffs of Dover, Buckingham Palace or the Houses of Parliament - it's Barbara Windsor's bikini top flying across a camp site. Fellow EastEnder, Larry Lamb, corpulent disc jockey Chris Moyles and dishevelled-looking Welsh person Rhys Ifans also join Jonathan.
Music from Pete Doherty.
Not entirely sure what a Vin Diesel is, but it could well be human. The only way to find out is to watch. British actor, Michael Sheen, who has played parts as diverse as David Frost, Kenneth Williams, Tony Blair and Brian Clough joins Jonathan, as does singing legend Lionel Ritchie.
Music from Sparks.
If you had to choose your favourite serial killer, it's most likely you would choose Dexter; the mass murderer of Miami, played by Michael C. Hall. If you had to choose your favourite Essex boy, you might choose James Corden and if you had to choose your favourite Lennox, you would probably choose Lennox Lewis, but as he can't really sing, you'll have to make do with Annie Lennox.
Sir David Attenborough, the colossus of the natural history world, joins Jonathan, the colossus of the chat show world. And Twitter. Emily Blunt and Clive Owen make up the numbers between Sir David and rock super gods U2.
Actor, boxer and surgery fan, Mickey Rourke joins Jonathan on the new, comfy furniture; 8 out of 10 Cats team captain, Jason Manford and singer Will Young also chat to top Twitterer, Jonathan.
Music from veteran Goths, The Cure.
Comedian, Michael McIntyre joins Jonathan to plug something or other: possibly his upcoming tour, or his "fastest selling début stand-up comedy DVD ever". A fact stated with pride on his website. Actress, Emily Mortimer, talks about her role in Ashecliffe (or Shutter Island). Completing the list of guests who's surnames begin with the letter 'M', is Mancunian Misery, Morrissey. Actually, that's not true, as Dev Patel, star of Slumdog Millionaire, has been added to the guest list.
From playing a lesbian in Brookside, to playing a former murder victim in Pushing Daisies, versatile actress, Anna Friel makes her first appearance on the programme; as does Puerto Rican actor, Benicio Del Toro. Sir Tom Jones chats to Jonathan and provides the music.
Jonathan seems to be working his way through the cast of Valkyrie: last week Tom Cruise, this week, Eddie Izzard. Glenn Close makes her first appearance on the show and William Shatner returns, but thankfully, he won't be singing. Lily Allen will be singing, which some people might enjoy.
Jonathan returns for a brand new series with some familiar faces as guests. Enlightened and delectable are two words to describe Stephen Fry, whilst sweaty and erratic are two which describe Lee Evans. Two words to describe Tom Cruise: Tom & Cruise. Music from Franz Ferdinand.
