American Idol Finalizes Its Catty Judges Panel

By Tim Surette

Sep 17, 2012

With all the leaks in the press, this news isn't as exciting as it should be (that, and the fact that American Idol is past its expiration date), but HEY GUYS AMERICAN IDOL HAS FIGURED OUT WHO ITS JUDGES WILL BE NEXT SEASON!

The early reports were true. Rapper who's slowly metamorphosing into clown Nicki Minaj and country singer turned husband of Tom Cruise's sloppy seconds Keith Urban will join the already announced Mariah Carey at the judges' table to peer over a mountain of Coca-Cola products and choose the next unknown who will sing Christmas songs over the PA systems in shopping malls. And yes, Randy Jackson will be back too, dawg! Woof woof!

And of course there is already talk about drama. I know what you're saying. "Mariah Carey? Drama? No waaaaay!" But waaaaay. If you believe the gossip columns, there's already tension between mama hen Carey and young chick Minaj, and the problem is being addressed by having Urban sit right between them. Another question that's surely on your mind: "What will Nicky Minaj drink!?" Minaj endorses Pepsi, and the talent show is sponsored by Coke. This is the most exciting thing to happen Idol since a white guy with a guitar won the show.

American Idol will return this midseason, likely in early January, on Fox.

Follow writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom

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  • BrookeParker Sep 18, 2012

    I've read about this, but haven't read who the FINAL choices were.

  • miremba Sep 18, 2012

    How on earth is Nicole Kidman considered Tom Cruise's "sloppy seconds"?? She has done way better without him than she did with him. If anything, it's the other way around.

  • bluemystique Sep 18, 2012

    Otherwise known as the end of an Era as we know it. The addition of Nick Minaj is unfathomable.

  • bonezrulz05 Sep 18, 2012

    I am actually quite surprised with this panel. 3 of the 4 judges are black/coloured. Considering that almost all of this show's audience is in the Midwest, a place not well known for its tolerance, this is a bit of a ballsy move. Explains why the 4th judge is Keith Urban. Still won't watch though.

  • bluemystique Sep 18, 2012

    Did white, peach, apricot, tickle me pink, tumbleweed,maize, and almond stop being a colors? Darn, I hate it when Crayola doesn't cc me these memos.

    Coloured is outdated terminology. I'd love to disagree with you and say that being considered ballsy implies a perception that is as outdated as the race terminology, but given some of the things making headlines these days, I kinda can't. That makes me sad.

  • bonezrulz05 Sep 18, 2012

    The only reason I said coloured was cos Mariah Carey has at least 3 races in her heritage and I wasn't bout to waste my time typing them all out. Chill out.

  • bluemystique Sep 18, 2012

    I just said it was outdated. I've encountered a few who didn't realize that before. Plus it's always been a ridiculous term...what's the alternative? Transparent? And yeah, Mariah and everybody. We're a nation of mutts. If I weren't "chill" I wouldn't have cracked a joke about it and essentially agreed with your point.

  • youknow Sep 18, 2012

    I see they have an old lesbian with facial hear as a judge.

    "This is the most exciting thing to happen Idol since a white guy with a guitar won the show." And why is this show still on?