Fireworks, Marathons, and Weeds

By Price Peterson

Jul 04, 2011

What to watch on Monday, July 4.

Not to get too political or controversial, but the Founding Fathers were pretty cool dudes. You know? They all seemed to have good senses of humor, plus they were good at paperwork. I guess some of them owned slaves, but hopefully they tipped them well? I'm not sure how slavery works. But in my humble opinion, we should celebrate the Founding Fathers at least one day a year, and since none of us have to go to work today, let's just celebrate them today! So here's your excellent Independence Day-themed TV guide, separated into three helpful categories:

FIREWORKS!!!

8pm, PBS

A Capitol Fourth
PBS keeps it tasteful with this Jimmy Smits-hosted special featuring fireworks (performances by Little Richard, Steve Martin, Matthew Morrison, Jordin Sparks, and Josh Groban) as well as LITERAL fireworks.


9pm, NBC
Macy's 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular
Nick Lachey hosts this New York-based special, which features performances by Beyoncé and Brad Paisley. Also, fireworks probably, DO NOT quote me on that.


10pm, CBS
Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular
Boston gets in on the action with this Michael Chiklis-hosted, Lionel Richie-featuring special. Much like the NBC special, this one will also be a "spectacular." The noun.


10:30pm, WGN
Chicago's Summer Blast
"Hey what about me?!!" said Chicago. Oh right, Chicago has a fireworks special too.

 

MARATHONS!!!

9am-9pm, Comedy Central
50-Star Standup Weekend
Your Independence Day isn't complete unless you've seen hours upon hours of Blue Collar Comedy performances and Jeff Dunham specials. How about 12 hours' worth of them? To be fair, there might also be actual FUNNY comedians mixed in, but is it really worth the risk?


8am-8pm, History
How the States Got Their Shapes
For something slightly more educational, History will be marathoning the hell out of this show, in which Brian Unger explains why our map be so funky.

9pm-Midnight, Comedy Central
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Then there's always this mini-marathon, in which we'll see all the July 4th and/or America themed episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That's not too bad, right?

6-11pm, Investigation Discovery
Behind Mansion Walls
Investigation Discovery really knows what we patriotic, tax-paying citizens demand: Hours upon hours of wealthy people MURDERING each other. Or something? Relax, Investigation Discovery! Anyway, here's a six-hour marathon of this show, culminating in a BRAND-NEW episode at 10pm.


DRUGS!!!

10pm, Showtime
Weeds
Tonight Nancy continues getting her bearings in Manhattan and reunites with Andy and Shane. Meanwhile, Dreamboat Son (forget his name) continues his modeling career in Copenhagen and Doug continues being the best.

10pm, A&E;
Intervention
Meet Eddie, a man who came THISCLOSE to achieving his major-league baseball dreams but decided to concentrate more on booze and gambling. Honestly, if I had to choose between playing baseball and suffering from a terrible addiction, I'd have to think pretty hard about it. I mean, I'd probably eventually go with baseball, but still.



PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...

Are You Fitter Than a Senior?, 8 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
The Secret Life of the American Teenager, 8 p.m., ABC Family
Hoarders, 9 p.m., A&E;
Single Ladies, 9 p.m., VH1
Switched at Birth, 9 p.m., ABC Family
Teen Wolf, 10 p.m., MTV
The Big C, 10:30 p.m., Showtime

What are you watching tonight?

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  • Harawen Jul 05, 2011

    you know what, its always sunny in phillidelphia... ;)

  • Nagowteena Jul 05, 2011

    Watched Teen Wolf.

  • Nagowteena Jul 05, 2011

    Watched Teen Wolf.

  • big_old_tom Jul 05, 2011

    Watched Teen Wolf, and am currently watching Alwayd Sunny marathon. Would be watching Weeds, but i do not have Showtime, sadly.

  • averysays Jul 05, 2011

    Who the hell watches fireworks on TV?!

  • Tom3345 Jul 04, 2011

    Weeds

  • spr12cr Jul 04, 2011

    Weeds & Teen Wolf

  • TheBam711 Jul 04, 2011

    Switched at Birth, Weeds, The Big C

  • KevinG87 Jul 04, 2011

    Single Ladies, Teen Wolf, The Big C, Jennifer Anniston on Chelsea Lately.. and probably flip through the fireworks out of boredom

  • firstladyc Jul 04, 2011

    Switched at Birth and Teen Wolf

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