Glee "Feud" Review: Bros Before Hoes

By MaryAnn Sleasman

Mar 15, 2013

Glee S04E16: “Feud”


It’s time for another installment of “The Rachel Berry Slut-Shaming Hour!” This week, Rachel’s high school frenemy dragged her to a doctor to finally get a professional opinion regarding the contents of her lady oven. Relieved by the good news that Plastic Brody didn’t slip one past the goalie, Rachel skipped merrily to class and Santana balked at the wasted opportunity for Rachel to get her shit together. Because apparently the chick who 1) made it into her dream school and is currently pursuing her dream job, 2) has experienced some abysmal lows in the past few months only to rise with newfound confidence in herself, 3) auditioned for parts in plays and films and actually won them from time to time... APPARENTLY that woman is a massive trainwreck who needs to take control of her life before reality sets in. Okay, Santana. How’s that dropping-out-of-school-and-crashing-on-your-friends’-sofa approach working out for you?

The best part of Santana’s whole weird, misguided judgement of Rachel’s recent life choices was her outrage over Rachel’s decision to go to class once she'd received the all-clear that she wasn’t actually knocked up, “You can’t just blow past this like nothing happened!”

Except that, you know, NOTHING HAPPENED. So Rachel had a pregnancy scare. Welcome to being a sexually active woman. Santana said Rachel needed to learn from the experience and get her life back on track. Yes—moving forward, Rachel and her bang buddies should be more careful with their sexcapades. Wrap it up. Get on the pill. Track down a shot of Depo. Whatever. Rachel and Brody are two consenting adults who seem to have the definitions of “yes” and “no” down solid. If Brody hadn't lied about his night job, I’d say they were a fairly accurate, mundane, and generally  healthy portrayal of a college romance... even if they did shack up after like, what, a week? Maybe? It happens. It’s usually a bad idea. It wasn’t a great idea in Rachel and Brody’s case, but as we’ve established, it’s not like she’s burning her Barbara Streisand memorabilia to heat the loft, or routinely skipping class, or even, as far as we know, experiencing any significant setbacks in her budding career.


But remember, ladies: If you have sex with a dude who wants to have the sex right back at you, you’re firmly on the path to ruin and shame (so much shame), and it’s just a matter of time before you’re dropping out of your fancy performing arts school to yodel for quarters in the subway in order to finance the destroyer of dreams baking in your baby bump courtesy of Gigolo Ken. #gleefacts

So Rachel has to grow up and make good decisions and stuff, but meanwhile, Santana was more than happy to call Rachel’s sometimes-estranged ex to fly in from Ohio and terrorize Rachel's current beau by declaring Rachel once again his future wife. I’m glad everyone discussed this with Rachel. Yay autonomy. 

Santana was right about Brody, but she’s still so incredibly wrong when it comes to “helping” Rachel, and now Finn has been added to the mix. On one hand, it’s nice to see a lot of the alumni sharing stories again but on the other, OMG Glee, think about your decisions. Think about what stories actually mean instead of what you seem to THINK they mean way out there in your glitter-encrusted, bubblegum-flavored, glow-in-the-dark neon-painted fantasy land. Glee has always been a parody of the world, holding a funhouse mirror to our reality for both comedy and commentary. But lately, Glee has been trying to warp the reflection too much, and the problem with that is that too much distortion renders the message incomprehensible.

Up until the end there, Finn had a great story going. Schue was overreacting to the news that Finn kissed Emma and Schue's refusal to forgive Finn was just the latest in his long line of dick moves. Schue terminated whatever the hell kind of position he had set Finn up with at the school and Finn lamented the latest in his long line of epic failures until MARLEY of all people said what we were all thinking. Finn was whining about how, after returning to McKinley and working with the glee club, he had really started to consider the possibility that he could succeed as a teacher but WOE and SADNESS it's all ruined now over a WOMAN and it’s not even like he was ever going to do anything with said woman and Schue hates him and on top of it all, he doesn’t even have a teaching degree. 

“So go get one!” OMG THANK YOU, MARLEY. 

Boom. Finn had an awesome storyline all set up and ready for the taking. It was logical. Of all the possible futures we’ve seen Finn consider, the teacher option is one that fits the best and I was so ready.

Unfortunately, Schue’s self-righteous, over-the-top machismo rubbed off on his former protege before he headed east and while I’m sure we’ll see some Future Teacher Finn Hudson action in the future, rather than just leave us in the warm glow of his new direction in life, we got cro magnon Finn telling Brody to leave his future spouse alone. FINN THINK RACHEL MAKE GOOD MATE. RACHEL BELONG TO FINN. 

Aaaaaaand cue the inexplicably upbeat closing number. 


What did you think of this episode? 



MUSICAL NOTES

– Glee playlist time: Reeeeally wasn’t feeling any of them this week if we’re being honest, but I guess I’ll take the BSB/N’Sync mash-up for the nostalgia factor (even if it wasn’t a particularly great mash-up), the battle of Blaine and Sue because of the amazing batshit insanity, aaaand “Closer” just cuz I like the song. Yay Tegan and Sara. What were your faves?

 I love when Glee randomly turns people into douchebags for no other reason than providing a quick opportunity to cram a PSA into an episode. In other words, it was really great to see Unique standing up to Ryder, but I’m confused because those two have been interacting for awhile now and the question of Unique’s “true” gender has never been an issue in the past. I’m thinking Glee just decided that we needed a reminder that Marley and Jake are the new Rachel/Finn and any stragglers better ally themselves with the right team NOW. As a result, I will be cheering for Marley/Ryder out of spite.

– Marley telling Finn to grow a pair. Lol, pot meet kettle.

– I’m actually kind of excited about Blaine Anderson: Undercover Cheerio.


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  • DizzyGirl Mar 20, 2013

    Everything about this reviews is right on, I don't even know why I watch. Santana and Finn are the most loathsome characters on this show, especially Finn, the relationships are demeaning toward women who must be constantly shamed and are not allowed to make decisions for themselves, there is no such thing as consistency, the music numbers are ridiculous, nonsensical, and value quantity over quality... It's just a mess.

  • JohannaSch Mar 18, 2013

    This show is like a train wreck: you know you shouldn't stare, but you can't quite bring yourself to look away, either.

  • red81slayer Mar 17, 2013

    I only thing I can't agree with are the songs this week. They rocked! How to be a Heartbreaker was awesome! and finally giving Brody an (almost solo) was great! and Santana singing Cold Hearted was practically a dream to me... that girl can do no wrong. Her ridiculousness is what makes her brilliant. And, Closer was great. Yes it didn't belong or fit in but it was definitely a song Glee needed to cover. Plus, you can't tell me you didnt laugh when Sue went all Nicki Minaj. Glee is at its best when is all silly and over the top. Love the reviews though! Thanks :)

  • savagetan Mar 16, 2013

    I agree with most of the review, even though I really enjoyed the episode. Kurt's line about Santana interfering with Paula Abdul was awesome, as was Finn showing up at the end, simply because I didn't see it coming. Thought it'd be Rachel. That having been said, does everyone in that cast have a teleporter ala "The Fly" to step go back and forth between Ohio and NY so easily?! Sue Sylvester's Nikki Minaj was unbelievably hillarious (as was her Madonna video so many seasons ago) and yeah, Schue is a dick. Oh, and Finn being a teacher is great, but uh... that kinda takes college... and credentials. But then again, Finn seemed to have his own office there at the end for a job in which he wasn't getting paid for. And what about Ryder's internet pal? Is nobody else a little disturbed by the possilibilities there? It seemed like typical Glee parody until the end. Who is it? I thought maybe it'd be Unique or even Marley, but neither of those quite work logically and because of its flippant, parody-like feel, I can't imagine it's actually who Ryder expects, but who then? If it was realistic, it'd be a TO CATCH A PREDATOR criminal, but again, this is Glee, so that probably won't be the choice. Regardless, fun as hell episode!

  • Arkano1317 Mar 17, 2013

    Glee always plants seeds that don't grow. I think we'll never hear from online girl again and that was just to show Ryder's loneliness XD

  • radiumgirl Mar 16, 2013

    I was bracing myself for it to be Rachel at the end there too, with Santana and Brody.

    Omg, teleporters indeed!

    Yeah, I honestly don't know what to make of Ryder and the online girl at the moment. I feel like it could be Kitty, but apparently she's nice now. Or something.

  • brag0031 Mar 22, 2013

    I first I thought for sure "Katie" was going to turn out to be Wade/Unique, but by the end I was pretty sure it was Marley because that was the last thing she asked him about.

  • QMargo Mar 16, 2013

    Ok, wow, don't know what episode you were watching but I actually found this one of the best this season. The Finn and Will showdown was fun because I got to see how much of a douche Will continues to be since he insists they do this assignment and do BOY BANDS songs...I mean, no disrespect to TBSB or N'Sync (cos I also went through that period) but the seriousness with which Will took to do this and deciding to keep that grudge against Finn was just a new low for Will....I mean, how about going and talking to your fiance about the real reasons she does want to marry a douche bag?

    Also, could not love Santana more this season. As for your rant about how Rahcel has it all while Santana does not...well, first of all Rachel in NYADA only because she Racheled her way through to get in after choking at the audition and then stalking Madame Tibbwhatever with muffins and psycho messages about a second chance, Santana always knew she was meant for NY but she decided to go to college....what is so bad about realising the pom-pom thing is not for you and moving to NY to start over? Nothing. And she is totally right about Rachel who needs to NOT get her shit together as you say but maybe RE-Evaluate her whole Sex and The City lifestyle because what if she was really pregnant....because she was so careless? What then? And actually I wish Glee went there because with all this control you say Rachel has, tell me then what would she have done if she was really pregnant.

    Also not liking how they treated Ryder this episode....Why do people who are confused as to how they should react to people like Unique get scowled down for being disrespectful. I would be too. I mean, Ryder had a point, because one week Unique is wearing boy clothing, next he is in a dress - I would be confused too as to how Unique wants to been seen as. But glad they worked it out tho becos I was getting tired of Jake's attitude towards Ryder - oh and please Jake and Moron Marley are not Finn and Rachel. Just no.

    Loved Jane Lynch doing Nicki Minaj, and where was Brittany? And who is the mystery online girl? I mean its time Ryder gets someone normal since clearly Morom Marley is head over heals for douche Jake and he is her epic love because he did all those things for her...yeah which exactly aside from making her pine for him while dating Kitty and not being interested in her and giving her low self-esteem?

  • vcivi Mar 16, 2013

    First of all Santana Rocked that song!! She was just awesome.
    Brody needs to go...he will of course have his reasons and he didn't seem to all happy nailing that lady in the beginning, he is still doing it and it is not fair to Rachel.
    Rachel needs to toughen up a bit..in the beginning she was all fighty and now she is Rachel from the first season again...!!
    I loved how Riley made up with everybody, even if i think that they are making him more a bad person then he actually is...!!! Also i can totally understand the whole confusing part about Unique...he/she is that allright...but if want to be called a woman, dress up ass one all the time then...right???
    Good for Finn that he finally knows what he wants...!!! Took three seasons.....
    OK...lovevd the end, when Santana was in the room waiting for Brody..and then Finn showed up! I got up of shock!! he kicked brody's ass and loved what he said about...stay away of my FUTURE WIFE!!! Loved it!!!!
    Did anybody miss Britney this episode???? Didn't her see at all...
    Sue rocked that song! Loved the outfit, the whole thing around it...!!! Loved it! She is so awesome...!!!

  • hbf716 Mar 16, 2013

    Not everyone has to be a villian Glee. It is driving me crazy that they are villianizing Ryder. It just feels so contrary to his character. I love him - his humility, his kindness, and his passion. I love Marley and Finn for similar reasons and the storylines these characters are getting seesaw so much that I am getting whiplash. Loved Marley's understanding of forgiveness - very powerful and refreshing. Anybody think that the girl Ryder is chatting with is Marley? I didn't think that until the end when computer girl asked if he still has feelings for Marley and he said no and then she didn't respond. All I know is that if I were Marley I would be madly in love with him. He has stood up for her from the beginning and after all the things he did for Valentine's Day I would be putty in his hands.

  • radiumgirl Mar 16, 2013

    I could see Marley possibly being the internet girl. It doesn't seem like the sort of sneaky thing Marley would do, but then again, I never considered that Ryder could be as big of a douche as he was to Unique all of a sudden either. Whyyyy, Glee?

  • Plonked Mar 16, 2013

    WTH is going on with this show. Its going places where it doesn't need to go, it getting boring and plain stupid with the storyline. I find myself fast forwarding so much now. I was so hoping that Rachel was gone for good last season, can't stand her. Why oh why did we need to all of a sudden need to go where they did with Unique ? They should have done this a lot earlier

  • giraffee Mar 16, 2013

    Long time reader, first time commenter....
    I'm sorry, but that was one of the most enjoyable episodes of Glee this season. I LOVE that Santana and Finn are being all protective of Rachel. She is all naive and they are trying to protect her. It was so nice to see! Haven't you ever known a friend dating a cheater and you wanted to warn them? When Finn walked in that room I actually squealed. I have barely had a reaction to anything this season, although I have loyally watched it and mildly enjoyed it, that bit was awesome.
    I agree that Rachel's friends have NEVER given her enough credit, in some ways, as in with her talent and ambition she is amazing. But she is one of those people who you just want to baby a little because her other life skills are a bit child like. We all have one of those friends, right?
    And I laughed and laughed at Sue doing Nikki, that was hilarious! And Blaine going undercover... yay, a storyline!
    I thought the 90s boy band tribute was perfect. Cheesy and barely music but perfect.
    Also Will is being a dick. I think he is just trying to blame the whole Emma thing on Finn so that he doesn't have to look at himself, as usual.
    All in all, an episode I thoroughly enjoyed. (Although I yawned over the new kids stories as always. However, I thought Ryder's performance with the Elton John song was really good)

  • BrookeDsBaby Mar 16, 2013

    I liked the episode (actually LOVED the musical numbers. Cold Hearted Snake/How to Be a Heartbreaker were the shit) but I really don't know what to make of this Blaine storyline. Isn't the point of Sue randomly destroying the Glee club for no reason, that she's crazy and a bully? So Blaine randomly destroying the Cheerios for no reason makes him a hero? Glee logic.

  • radiumgirl Mar 16, 2013

    Glee logic! Superior to regular logic because...uh...because Glee said so.

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