Here Are Your "Stars" Who Will Dance On Dancing With the Stars

By Tim Surette

Feb 26, 2013

Like the NHL Entry Draft, the announcement of the nominees for the Producers Guild Awards, and the unveiling of the lineup for Animal Planet's annual Puppy Bowl, the reveal of the participants for Dancing With the Stars is one of television's most thrilling events. Obviously you woke up at 6am today to watch the announcement live on Good Morning America , but here's a little reminder in case you want to revisit the exhilaration all over again. Ladies and germs, here are the "stars" you'll see a-dancing in 2013!

The Disney Star: Zendaya Coleman

Representin' the Mouse House and Oaktown, California, is 16-year-old Zendaya, star of the Disney Channel's Shake It Up! . She's also been an Old Navy model and has a giant Schnauzer, according to ABC!

The Fool: Andy Dick

Following in the footsteps of Tom DeLay and Jeffrey Ross, Andy Dick is just here for us to laugh at. Dick loves to party, and it shows on his rap sheet. He's been arrested multiple times for groping, possession of drugs (pills, powder, and puffage), and indecent exposure of Andy Dick, Jr. But hey, he was an original cast member of The Ben Stiller Show , so that counts for something. ABC would also like you to know that he was named homecoming king at his high school.

The Former Olympian: Dorothy Hamill

Hamill was Mary Lou Retton before Mary Lou Retton was Mary Lou Retton, becoming an over-several-nights sensation when she figure-skated her way to gold in the 1976 Olympics. But she'll most fondly be remembered as that woman who gave herself a haircut with a bowl on her head.

The Comedian: D.L. Hughley

The star of The Hughleys and The Original Kings of Comedy has been in a lot of things that didn't last that long. ABC didn't add any personal information to his bio, but Wikipedia tells me that his dad was a Delta Air Lines maintenance worker. You may also know him from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip .

The Footballer: Jacoby Jones

Yeesh... tough year to get a football player on board I guess?

The Rayna James: Wynonna Judd

The five-time Grammy winner is the draw for the Bible Belt, and will use this opportunity to help sell her upcoming eighth studio album. Let's see if she lasts longer on ABC than her sister dead on Missing .

The Boxer: Victor Ortiz

The 26-year-old former Welterweight champion joined Dancing With the Stars because what's he gonna do, get famous for being part of the dying sport that is boxing? Even MMA ring girls are more famous than boxers these days.

The Juliette Barnes: Kellie Pickler

The former American Idol contestant is now 26 years old and one of the young stars of country music. I can't wait to see her and Wynonna claw each others' eyes out.

The Soap Star: Ingo Rademacher
Apparently Ingo is a man, and he was on the soap opera General Hospital . Apparently he's great at skiing, horseback riding, paddleboarding, triathlons, volleyball, and race-car driving, too. And in all seriousness, he has a son named Peanut. I LOVE THIS GUY.

The Current Olympian: Alexandra Raisman
One of the darlings of the 2012 Olympics, 18-year-old Alexandra won the individual gold medal in the women's gymnastics floor exercise and the individual bronze medal on the balance beam, all while captaining the team that took America's heart captive by winning the overall gold. But her greatest accomplishment came later when she won something at the Cartoon Network Hall of Game Awards.

The Real Housewife: Lisa Vanderpump
The restaurateur and star of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules is here too. That's all, she doesn't need more attention.

Wow, what a crew! Here's a fun game: Correctly identify all the "stars" in the photo above and you win a free year's supply of Dr. Scholl's foot soles!

Dancing With the Stars premieres March 18 on ABC.
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  • umbala-umbala Mar 03, 2013

    I recognize Andy T Dick, and the Orangutan from the photo. That's about it. The drivel people watch...

  • IndianaMom Feb 28, 2013

    I don't watch this show anymore, but I just wanted to tell you whippersnappers that Dorothy Hamill was huge back in '76. I may have had a poster on my door of Mark Spitz in a Speedo, oh yeah, I liked her, too.

  • JT_Kirk Feb 27, 2013

    I love how DL Hughley claims on Monday there's no way he's doing this show and there's his name. He's a funny guy and very talented, wears his heart on his sleeve, recently made a documentary about the endangered black man.

    Oh Andy Dick, you're not better than this.

  • WavSlave Feb 27, 2013

    I've never watched this show and never will. I just felt compelled to say that I'll always have a soft spot for Andy Dick, not as much for being on The Ben Stiller Show (which I really did like) but for being a cast member of my genuinely beloved NewsRadio.

  • ktfahel Feb 27, 2013

    I just love how a lot of the posts are whining and crying about how "bad" the show is, and how much they either hate it or show so little interest in it. Don't y'all have anything better to do than grouse and whine? Some of us actually enjoy the show for the flat-out entertainment factor. I know the old saying goes, "If you don't like it, don't watch it", but it should be amended to "...and stop trying to suck out all of the fun for those of us who do."

    I, for one, recognize all but 1 name (the "Housewives" chick), and while I'm "eh" on Jones and Rademacher, the only big disappointment is Andy Dick.

  • TeddyBearZA Feb 27, 2013

    Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I don't know any of the above people?

  • ktfahel Feb 27, 2013

    What rock did you just crawl out from under? The only one I didn't know was the "Housewife" chick. I don't follow boxing or football (or soap operas), but even I've heard of these guys. I am a huge fan of both Wynonna and Kellie Pickler, and was thrilled to see Dorothy Hamill listed.

  • docspector Feb 27, 2013

    As usual, the real winners will be anyone who doesn't watch.

  • sini_cal Feb 27, 2013

    Interesting (read: telling) that 4 of the 11 stars in the poll do not have press pictures to use and I only recognize 4 names. Not the same names as without the pictures, to clarify. Andy Dick from NewsRadio before he went batcrazy; Dorothy Hamill from when I was 6 and she was on one of the four channels offered at the time; D.L. Hughley from a few shows of the same name in the title that I never watched; and Wynonna Judd, the first family of dysfunctional (yes, before the Kardashians) is my personal take of what's about to be in the hit show of the summer.

  • torque_smacky Feb 27, 2013

    At one point this was the highest-rated show on the air and they still didn't want to pay for real stars. I don't get it.

  • layle1 Feb 27, 2013

    Umm, you assume "real" stars would be on this dreck. They started out with D- maybe C-list stars back in the first season and progressively worked their way down the alphabet. I'm not sure any of the last few seasons' "stars" even qualify for a letter.

  • pbblair1 Feb 27, 2013

    Who gives

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