Once Upon a Time "Child of the Moon" Review: Pack Mentality

By Lily Sparks

Nov 12, 2012

Once Upon a Time S02E07: "Child of the Moon"

I really enjoyed last night's episode of Once Upon a Time, can I say? Very enjoyable and entertaining. The razzliest, the dazzliest! I gotta call something out, though: Storybrooke is a total nightmare and everyone in it is insane. Thank GOODNESS they are under self-imposed quarantine, or else our government would have to move fast to backhoe every last one of them into the ocean. How fast are these motherf**kers willing to form an angry mob? I guess that's just the fairy-tale-peasant instinct within, they'll be halfway through a game of Words With Friends and a glass of wine and suddenly someone yells something in the street and they dip a torch in the fireplace, haul out a rusty pitchfork, and jog on out there. Keep going right into a ravine, you idiots. In 28 years nothing about 'due process' sank in? Shame on you.

Also, King George/Storybrooke's premiere gynecologist took an ax to a man to unseat a local interim sheriff. That is some daaaaark shiznit. Well, someone has to wreak havoc now that Regina's just a chill babysitter. (OBVIOUSLY King George's Storybooke career is as a gynecologist, this guy magicked an IUD potion out of berries and whispers while he was still in FTL.) Even the good guy (there is only one) Henry is now slipping into an insane Freddy Krueger nightmare-scape. (Lawyer up, New Line!)

Anyway, nevermind Storybrooke: How fun was this episode? I love any movie about cults and "Child of the Moon" was all about Ruby joining her mom's crazy wolf cult. I basically fell in love with Ruby's mom, by the way. She gave transforming into a wolf a very witchy-woman Stevie-Nicks-feather-hair-extension vibe. Leather corsets, lace gauntles, an underground lair full of hot guys, what is this, Lost Boys? Ruby's mom may not have bothered much with trying to reclaim her daughter from Granny, but when you're busy with this life why would you bother ?

Ruby only made it through one group run and didn't even get to the big fun group orgy when Snow White came barging in, bringing sorrow behind her as surely as a cat brings a gritty little asshole. Snow I love you but you are such trouble. She was not even in the luxurious Stevie Nicks Wolf Palace for five minutes when the hottest guy there got killed by a stray arrow. For no reason. First Graham, then Gus BY AX, now this guy by arrow. Is OUaT allergic to hot guys? Is Ruby?

And by the way, re:Gus/Billy, this curse was an upgrade for basically everyone but Snow White. Gus—a dumb, obese mouse—became a handsome young man in FTL. Presumably there are other characters who were caribou, potato bugs, etc. They all owe Regina a thank-you note for rescuing them from a life of sleeping in a hollow log in the forest.

Also, the detail that everyone (David especially) was glossing over was that Ruby literally loses control when she becomes a wolf. She ATE HER HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND ON ACCIDENT. I was actually very impressed with how responsible she was being, reasonably trying to contain herself for her first full moon after the curse. David's feel-good nonsense about what a good person she was honestly didn't apply to the fact she had previously eaten BF Peter without realizing it. Bodies were DROPPING and David decided, rather than let Ruby shut herself in the library until they figured out why, to just ASSUME there was a serial killer loose.

In that sense, the villagers would have been absolutely right to elect a new sheriff via torches and night-marches, because David was acting a fool.

Of course by the end of the episode he was vindicated and also he was able to talk to a full-blown wolf (a.k.a. Meghan Ory crouched down in a greenscreen-colored sweatsuit and ski mask) with his heart or something. Guess Peter didn't nurture Red's self esteem quite the same way... so she ate him and his bones. Sucks to be you, Peter!

And about that, let's look at the facts: She ate her high-school BF rather than run off with him, she was excited/relieved about Belle offering a girl's night to save her from a date with a cute guy, she very sexily chained Belle up, and she killed her own mother to protect her bestie Snow. (That is so goth, by the way. Makeup explained!) So I am just going to assume Ruby's supernatural powers are a metaphor for her lesbian sexuality a la Gingersnaps. Look this show is just a stew of Disney properties and pop-culture fantasy anyway, so I say feel free to throw in a little spice of your own now and again.

P.S. Fans of Meghan Ory's sexuality in any form, though, I need to talk to you about a little series called:

VAMPIRE HIGH. Yes, Vampire High, available in its entirety on Netflix Instant, and which I am currently making my way through and loving to pieces.

Despite being filmed in 2001, this is a very proudly '90s high-school drama about a boarding school with a clique of vampire students in its basement. It's Netflix gold and it stars Ory as the Nina Dobrev of a very protean Twilight show.

She wears so many chokers and square-heeled shoes and spaghetti tanks and shiny trenchcoats and lives in a GIANT dorm room with a roommate who makes Steph from Full House seem like a chill stoner by comparison.

Not to go too far afield from OUaT but this series MUST BE SEEN.

It has the best credit sequence ever and it's culturally significant in how close it comes to a formula that would mean zeitgeist/runaway success for Buffy, Twilight, and the The Vampire Diaries just a few years later: a teen vampire falls deeply in love with a misfit teen girl—but, insanely, the show sets it up so he can never see her. In four episodes (I'm still working through it, guys) they've met once, briefly, IN HER DREAMS because very sensibly, the teachers at the school have separated the vampire and human student bodies under threat of expulsion. See, if they had mixed it up from day one, this sh*t would probably still be airing. SO CLOSE TO THE FORMULA! And SO Meghan Ory. Bask:

Where were we? Oh yes, OUaT: The evil gynecologist stole the crushed hat so now they can't use magical fairy diamond dust and make it a portal, but luckily they can possibly control Henry's dreams and perhaps pull the Disney Princesses I guess through his brain and into our world. I did like the connection that Henry has the sleeping curse and thus he and Aurora are in the same netherworld (pretty horrible that Aurora's soul spent 28 years on a disco floor in hell), and you know, whatever plot devices the writers need to unite the characters, I say sure. I don't care how you do it, just do it, because half a cast in each world is wearing thin on m'nerves.

So, to ratings:

PRODUCT PLACEMENT: Not much, unless they're going to be selling the Red Riding Hood in Disney stores. They did remind everyone about lovable Gus, though, before throwing his mangled body on the altar of plot development. One star.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Four out of five stars! We answered a big question about Ruby. I'd give this five out of five except Charming's insistence that she "trust herself" to the tune of possibly slaughtering the town made him seem particularly boneheaded.

RAZZLE DAZZLE/KEEPING ME ENTERTAINED: Five out of five! I loved the wolf cult and there was a ton of intriguing action and call me what you will but I loved the whole sequence of the CGI wolves boppin' about the forest:

ANNOYING REFERENCES TO BIGGER STORY: I'm giving this episode FIVE out of five stars for keeping things going this episode without any witchy hints at a larger unifying logic. Diamonds because magic, the portal hat got stolen by sleight of hand, the sleeping curse having a netherworld seemed like a fair-enough explanation to me. This is how it should work: Things happen for a reasonable albeit magical explanation, no huge question marks. Well done!


But what did YOU think?


1. Why does this show keep killing off hot guys?

2. Had you heard of Vampire High?

3. Is Belle still getting her outfits from the library's lost and found?

4. Has Regina basically become a "good" character?

5. Do you like when this show goes dark or was Ruby accidentally killing her own mom kind of harsh?

  • Comments (152)
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  • telekommanda Nov 14, 2012

    this was one of the best episodes of this otherwise mediocre show

  • Mizunderstood87 Nov 14, 2012

    1. I don't know but it does not matter as long as they can find more.

    2. Yes i tried to watch it once but could not get into it....might try again.

    3.i don't think they know what to do with her, they haven't really developed her character beyond the fact that she loves gold but she knows she can not trust him, so as far as the clothes go they are playing it safe with the librarian look.

    4.I agree with insanely me, she is just biding time, but that shoe is going to drop when henry's father comes to Storybrooke then there will be some serious magical drama.

    5.I think the dark aspects of the show is what makes it appealing, most fairy tales did not have happy endings originally, so it makes it feel less disney like to me.

  • InsanelyMe Nov 14, 2012


  • safibwana Nov 14, 2012

    The capslock really helps to sell the insane. Go you.

  • InsanelyMe Nov 14, 2012

    1: So we can focus on the MAIN hot guys.

    2: Yes. Never thought of it before now, but now I'm thinking about it...

    3: I think they just want her to look more studiouswhich is ironic, considering she wanted to travel around the world and be daring and such.

    4: I think it's temporary. She's organizing her priorities. I think she might slip up, but nothing too big.

    5: The show needs darkness, but it also needs a healthy dose of love and light. I can't speak for the whole audience, but I know for a fact that I love almost nothing more than seeing the dark side of love, or a show based on one. Her mom was bitch anywayoh wait! She really was a bitch!

    Cheesy. Lol.

  • bluemystique Nov 14, 2012

    -I don't know but I find it offensive! Ok, I don't find it offensive but my eyes do because all the yummies go bye-bye too soon. Too soon. Ugh. But Red can't keep a man to save her..well, his life! I mean first Peter, then Billy Gus, then Quinn! C'mon woman! Ohh so good,I wasn't the only one that thought things got a bit sapphic with the way she was chaining up Belle? Good to know. But R.I.P Billy Gus...Stonybrooke actually beat out Mystic Falls with the "black" death. Dude didn't even make it halfway through the episode.

    -No. But you pretty much piqued my interest at 90's.

    - Probably. I love how the Library became the safest place for Red to go chill. Because NO ONE goes to a library anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if Belle spends her days sewing her own clothes in there and waiting for the children to make their weekly visit.

    -Regina is never good. I wouldn't rule her out.

    -Nah. That worked for me. I like it a little dark and Ruby with the wolf stuff, King George being a total jackass...hell even Uncle Rumple hooking lil' Henry up with a dreamcatcher necklace with special juice was kind of dark....I kept thinking about how this will come up down the road. Because Regina was right. Nothing with rumple comes w/o a price. I doubt Henry is an exception to that rule. Good stuff. Solid episode. worked for me. LOVED the review. :)

  • MariaMahoney Nov 14, 2012

    I loved this episode. Loved it to the core. I was missing more Rumplestiltskin though.

    1. I don't know why all the hot guys have to be killed off. I miss Graham.

    2. I didn't hear about Vampire High. But I will watch it when I have time.

    3. Belle's outfits are weird but it's all good.

    4. Regina has not become a good character. I think she just basically loves Henry enough to deal with the fact he wants to live with David. LOL!

    5. I love this show going dark. it's so utterly awesome.

  • BrookeDsBaby Nov 14, 2012

    Loved this episode cause I just damn love Meghan Ory/Red. I thought it was awesome that she was so responsible about her murdering, even if it did come dangerously close to verging on martyrism. I was also a HUGE fan Vampire High when I was 10. It's a Canadian show so I wouldn't be surprised if people haven't heard of it but it was awesome and Meghan Ory was always my favourite character. Twilight/Vampire Diaries fans might not love it because it's a fairly cartoonish take on vampirism though. Not to be a giant spoiler or anything but I will say this, there's a main character you might want to not get attached to. It's a damn shocking death and it's honestly the stupidest reason for a character's death I've seen on television.

  • SQuealll Nov 14, 2012

    You know what.. I actually liked this episode a lot. It's the first one since 'We Are Both' that really had me all excited about it all. Last week's episode kinda made me wanna scratch my eyes out and cry for all eternity but this was one of the 'old' OUAT episodes that I loved so damn much.

    Personally I think they're making a huuuuuuge mistake with the whole Emma and Snow being in another land and there now being 3 places to switch perspective from, the writers obviously can't handle it. Also they are introducing too many new characters that have no depth and that I truly don't care about, but somehow they are getting far more screen time than the characters we all love from last season which causes for some of the favourites to just be ignored an entire episode (cough, Regina, cough)

    This whole season has been a bit of a letdown so far but this episode (and the promo for the next one) has made me a bit more optimistic.

    Ruby/Belle is just a match made in heaven and though I am a hardcore Swan Queen shipper I do hope we get to see a lot more of these two. They have beautiful chemistry and I truly enjoy watching them act together.

    All in all.. I did like this episode and it made me realize a little why I loved OUAT so much again. Ruby is also one of my favourite characters so that helps. :)

  • OhioStateHack Nov 14, 2012

    Um... You realize that Buffy was on the air 3 years before Vampire High, right? So really, Vampire High, Twilight, and Vampire Diaries owe it to Buffy not the other way around. Haha.

  • MelissaMastro Nov 14, 2012

    Actually the Buffy the vampire slayer movie came out in 1992 way before... 1997 for the show.... And vampire high was 2001....

  • LilyGabrielle Nov 14, 2012

    This show has gone from mediocre to bad to flat out terrible. I think I'm done.

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