Revenge "Revelations" Review: Dangerous Liaisons

By Lily Sparks

Dec 03, 2012

Revenge S02E09: "Revelations"


Last night's episode of Revenge represented quite a shakeup in the Hamptons, especially in the collar department. I'm sorry, but a little respect:

A tailored poet's blouse? And on top of that, a heretofore inconceivable double-collar dress shirt that's butterfly-popped on Nolan?

Like a proud Monarch arching its wings to the sunlight, Revenge writers unfurled a stunning, game-changing episode with "Revelations," much like they've done in every episode this season because that’s basically what they do. I might as well tell you Batman saved Gotham or a cat sat on someone's face: That’s the promise Revenge delivers on like an ambitious pizza boy on crack-cocaine.

Emily and Aidan, in spy sync like Mr. and Mrs Smith, appeared at a shooting party (lol) in matching vests (lol) where a new dodgy 1% tycoon, a cross between the Dos Equis guy and Indiana Jones, was wearing jodhpurs and leering at Ashley and dangling a deciding vote on the upcoming contest between Daniel and Conrad for King of the Graysons that Monday. Victoria and Conrad laid out the stakes for us when the Initiative woman took a break from playing a Nintendo handheld in her car to call them up and remind them that if Daniel won the board's vote, he'd be in trouble, and if they warned him, he would also be in trouble. Victoria played it cool by screaming murder threats on speaker phone. (Don't worry, the help is used to it, they just assumed she was talking to an Ice Sculpture artist or something.)

While the tension of Nolan losing his company and Conrad and Daniel was promising enough, imagine my delight when this turned into a good, old-fashioned takedown episode of ASHLEY! Not that I wanted my girl crush taken down, but the idea of her being featured in the intrigue at last, at long last, was incredibly appealing. And the previous week's reveal that she'd practically been a Russian mob escort set the stage for the rather ridiculous business arrangement she fell into last night.

"Victoria's summoning her to Salvatore's bed" is a phrase I would expect a character with a powdered wig to say while snapping open a fan, but we heard it last night from my lovah Aidan after he and Emily had forwarded her sex tape to Victoria via the Windows phone. These Windows phones have become practically supporting characters in the last few weeks, and I'm frankly surprised no one's explicitly said "Hand me your Windows phone, now available at Best Buy superstores with a two-year contract for only $399!" ...but I'm keeping an ear out. Christmas shopping, folks! Don't forget Nordstrom, rich folks, and Target, Porters!

Anyway, your suspicions were correct, commenters: Ashley and Conrad totally did it on what appeared to be a piano, before she started dating Daniel and after he'd separated from Victoria, obviously still kind of incest-y, but still ethically a gray area. Of course, Victoria would use that as leverage to tip Ashley into being a pro bono escort and it was up to Emily and Aidan to save Victoria from yet another brush with the world's oldest customer service job. Of course that would have to involve breaking Daniel's mighty, poetic heart.

If he broke off an engagement after Emily and Jack gently pressed lips, imagine his horror at seeing Ashley in a white robe chilling with Mr. Jodhpurs. I did love his quick thinking in snapping a photo of them as leverage for the man's vote. You learn to swim fast in a shark tank, chum!

Meanwhile this was the episode from hell for poor Nolan, getting gouged by Daniel, losing control of his company, and then being betrayed by an ex who then pressed him for a job. The world's longest day! And on top of that, to get a request to do some gumshoe detecting on Jack's new business bros?

Let me tell you, Trucco is the only thing making this Stowaway plotline even barely digestible and oh wait no he actually isn't. This plotline is killing me by inches and has gone so far afield of every other story arc on the show I'm starting to wonder if the writers actually will kill Jack off. Jack is now wise to the fact that the two relative strangers who have been volunteering their time helping with scut work at the bar might have an ulterior motive and be killers! Hey daddy, that's your cue to pack your girlfriend, bro, and baby into the ship and get the hell out of the Hamptons. You've always hated the Stowaway, it’s a rat's nest soaked in vinegar, and you've got Charlotte sitting up on the bar every night regaling people by talking trash on her family.

This bitch, seriously. First of all, little miss pill addict, nice place to continue your recovery. Secondly, whoever is doing dresses might like her even less than I do, she's turning the character into a Madame Alexander doll. Remember when the series started and she minced around looking cool in bikinis and Blake Lively gear? Every episode she's in some starched Lolita frock looking like a chump. You're what now, Charlotte, 19? Get some effing pants.

Nolan should just buy the bar, period. Then Emily could give him some start-up cash and he could knock it down and install something worth running and eventually the Porters could earn enough money to move out of the crawlspace and get the baby away from the asbestos. I have to say I absolutely love Emily with Aidan.

I didn't realize what a relief it would be to see Emily being honest with someone (like when she broke it down about Jack: no secrets!) and resting her banana curls on someone's shoulder. The promo that followed this episode truly worried me that once again she'll be forced to sublimate her true feelings to kowtow to Daniel. Intrigue upon intrigue! Surely that was what Victoria was suggesting with her late-night booty call to Emily—to influence Daniel and save his life from the Initiative, who've installed a Clock Cam in his office.

Wow that thing is big and ugly. How dare they imagine he would keep it out in his office! The Whale Cam is so much less obtrusive in comparison. Speaking of obtrusive, why does Daniel have a giant picture of hair in he and Ashley's bedroom?

Now just his bedroom, damn. The good thing about Ashley's takedown: We finally got to see her cross swords with Victoria... I wish she had gotten some more heinous lines to lob at Victoria, but instead she begged for mercy. (Although of course her Seductive Red dress made me practically cry and she hilariously told Daniel she had to go butter up some investors. Butter, KY, whatever.) Then she packed her luxurious leather bag and skedaddled out of the manor. Don't assume that she's going straight to a Russian mobster to sell her body, though, I'm sure she'll get installed in some kind of interesting apartment and maybe even eventually work her way into Emily's? Nolan's? The Porters' crawlspace? Surely not the Porters' Crawlspace—Ashley is a delicate hothouse flower and I feel like she would shrivel up and die the first time she came across a peanut shell on the floor.

All in all, the scion of the Graysons is now a more key player than ever and everything's lined up for him and Emily to do yet another dance of deceit. The only difference is that Emily has lost one love in pursuing Daniel, will she dare risk another?!


QUESTIONS:

1. Where will Ashley live now?

2. Is the Initiative serious with that clock?

3. Would Nolan do better to go with Marco or Padma?

4. Can you stand the Stowaway storyline?

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  • RerakisMatthe Dec 10, 2012

    When is the next episode?

  • smarcos3 Dec 10, 2012

    1. I hate ashley so I don't care
    2. LOL but I think they are.. also my mom and I were watching and halfway through my mom said "why haven't the Graysons checked for hidden cameras already, I mean the entire season they have been blackmailed with videos from WITHIN their home", I laughed but she was right and apparently the writers listened to her and decided to make a final move during the commercial break and include a little dude to take them all out haha
    3. NOLAN WOULD DO BETTER WITH EMILY (as friends but I love those two) Also love Aidan and Emily forever and ever amen.
    4. I don't know what you're talking about... what's the stowaway?

    You are hilarious Lily!!

  • Draconax Dec 10, 2012

    Also, I'm not sure on the hate-on for the Stowaway storyline. I've been enjoying it so far. Since the show began, there has been essentially one storyline: Emily and the Graysons, with everything being perpendicular to that. This storyline is nice in that it has nothing to do with Emily, the Graysons, or the Initiative. As much as I enjoy the Graysons (even Charlotte!), it's nice to have something apart from them. That, and I really enjoy the actors who play the two brothers.

  • Draconax Dec 10, 2012

    I'm absolutely amazed there was no mention of the final scene of the Initiative. It was like something out of a cartoon, or a James Bond movie, with all the Initiative members sitting in a pitch black room with mood lighting, and a big screen. It was so comical I had to laugh my ass off. Who seriously does that? You get millions of dollars (billions even?), control half the known world, so you decide you need to be in a pitch black room with overhead spotlights? It's so ridiculous.

  • sduvoisin Dec 07, 2012

    1. What if Ashley tries to go all "Tyler" and start tricking people into letting her stay with them? She won't stay with Emily no way. She despises Nolan so that is no dice. Maybe Conrad will set her up with a suite at the South Fork Inn.
    2) Um yeah. Which also leads me to believe that Emily is smarter with her whale camera than the Initiative is with the stupid weird clock. Maybe Emily will take over the Initiative (talk about your game changers)?
    3) I have a feeling Nolan will try to go for both. It will be interesting to see Marco and Padma work together.
    4) It doesn't bother me. (Although I understand a bunch of fans hate it.)

  • Whedonrules Dec 07, 2012

    The Stowaway plot sucks why did they have to get 2 really decent actors to run that story with? Michael Trucco needs his agent to find him a good role, like one of the final five good. First USA torpedos his show with Sarah Shahi by creatively destroying it and now he winds up on a great show but in its single dumbest story, one in which his character is an afterthought. The only payoff I will accept from that story is Jack and Declan with bullets in their skulls at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean and Trucco on a boat sailing away to find Starbuck.) (all signs point to actual Emily being the corpse and she is the only one of the three that I care about on this show so that would be a disppointment). I hope that isn't the end of Ashley Madekwe. I've liked her since "Secret Diary of a Call Girl".

  • SesseKitty Dec 07, 2012

    1. I would think she'll bounce back and hopefully we see it on the show. Her red dress was amazing.

    2. Iniative doesn't feel very threatening even though they've done a bunch of bad, bad things. Big black, threatening clocks will fix this?

    3. I love Nolan. I would have wanted him to be with Emily (though I am quite happy with Aidan now). So... Padma is very pretty, let's go with her.

    4. No. Could they already drown the whoever in the boat so we can forget this crap. Ryan brothers are so damn dull that I want them out even though they've been portrayed by some great actors.

  • Shreela Dec 07, 2012

    Haha, we're so spoiled by Revenge having such quick moving stories that when they do a slow-buildup it drives us crazy! Now that Nolan's been brought in on Jack's story, hopefully it's just a matter of time before Nolan informs Emily, since Nolan knows Emily is soft on Jack.

  • KelseyMejlaen Dec 07, 2012

    Forget Jack, Declan, and Charlotte. Even Fauxmanda's dull when paired with them. They are dead weight on this show!

    Love Emily and Aiden though. :) He's actually her equal, unlike Daniel and Jack.

  • BrookeDsBaby Dec 05, 2012

    Loved the Ashley takedown. It was just plain nice to see her featured in the story in some substantial form instead of being a glorified secretary.

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