Revenge "Union" Review: Shotgun Wedding

By Drusilla Moorhouse

Feb 11, 2013

Revenge S02E13: "Union"

Victoria Grayson, we bow down. Emily Thorne, take note: THIS is how justice is dispensed. While our Revenge heroine was dissolving in an ocean of tears at her true love's surfside wedding, Mama Grizzly was spilling blood at Grayson Manor.

"Union" opened with Emily's rosy-hued flashback to the make-believe wedding she staged as a child to her beloved Jack Porter; now, Fauxmanda, the Dementor consuming Emily's soul and destroying everything that is good, is marrying Jack instead.

Recruited to perform the ceremony, Nolan offered the best quip of the night:
"Who knew officiant was French for 'wedding bitch'?"

The bridal babes, see, had more pressing matters to attend to, like rescuing Jack. Again.

The creepily clean-shaven barkeep has become such a pathetic, oblivious idiot that it's impossible to see why he deserves the love of Emily or Amanda. Even his own dog (RIP, Sammy!) fled in disgust. (Okay, yes, technically Sammy was Emily's dog. But still.)

In just two scenes, the juvie pals swiftly tied up the meandering Stowaway storyline that I've only tolerated because of my trusty fast-forward button. First, Emily wrote a check to buy back Conrad Grayson's share in the bar. Then, because Conrad's plans involve casinos and condos, Fauxmanda broke into Emily's computer (correctly guessing that the password was "infinity," sigh) and threatened Mr. Moneybags with all that incriminating video footage from Shamu and the Clam-Cam.

Predictably, one-note Nate Ryan bristled at Porter's new "leverage" and offered to "remove" it. (Does his scheme result in the removal of, say, his arm from his body after the explosion of Jack's boat?)

Aiden was really mad too… and really sweaty, demanding that Nolan scrutinize his sister's snuff video for clues. Nolan not only determined that it was created six years ago in Jersey City, but discovered Colleen's coroner's report and led Aiden and Emily to her grave in a potter's field.

There's a reason this hacker became a billionaire—he isn't always gullible and naive.
In fact, Nolan suspected the Initiative might be using Padma. And even though Emily didn't care, he confronted his CFO, who confirmed that the terrorist group kidnapped her dad. Meanwhile, priorities! Nolan was due to don a fabulous platinum paisley and marry some folks!

The Graysons weren't invited to Jack and Fauxmanda's wedding, which was awesome because their storyline suddenly got way more interesting. Victoria learned that the Initiative was manipulating Daniel into becoming another fall guy like David Clarke. After a series of protective maneuvers, Victoria ended up pointing a gun at Helen in the Grayson poolhouse.

Like Helen herself, the last thing I expected was for the Grayson matriarch to actually pull the trigger. Like most of the characters I love—and love to hate—Victoria has become weak and helpless this season.

Not anymore. She aimed and fired and Helen dropped dead on the floor. Even better, Conrad then barged in with the news about a "rather extraordinary problem on our hands." She replied, "I'll go first," gestured at the floor, and then stepped over Helen's body to refresh her drink.

Victoria's ascendancy made it that much harder to endure Emily's abject failure, watching Fauxmanda steal her fairy-tale happy ending.

There is one consolation: We know that Mr. and Mrs. Porter's honeymoon cruise ends in the death of at least one obnoxious character.

So riddle me this:

1. Who dies on The Amanda?

2. How does the boat explode?

3. Is Padma playing Nolan?

4. Declan, Charlotte and Carl: spin-off?

5. Why does Daniel still live with his parents?

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  • Jared3648 Feb 14, 2013

    ummm, where is Lily Sparks???

  • acre1993 Feb 16, 2013

    she will be back like on april becase she had to do a pilot

  • bleumystique Feb 16, 2013

    She said she was unable to keep reviewing Scandal and Revenge some time ago.

  • sduvoisin Mar 11, 2013

    Oh no! Revenge reviews will never be the same.....

  • GuyAwks Feb 13, 2013

    1. Fauxmanda. She's the only one not in the funeral pictures (Jack's there). It's pretty obvious.

    2. A bomb.

    3. I'm sure she is. Still prefer her to Marco because he's a slimeball.

    4. Hell yes because Connor Paolo is a babe.

    5. Because he's a greedy, spoiled, amoral man-child who's success is solely due to nepotism. It's actually quite fitting.

  • heartzkidnapper Feb 13, 2013

    This season is so flat comparing to the past season . I don't know why i feel this way though i still like the show overall .Maybe because i need more thrilling plot lines and revenge stories .

  • KatieBeth Feb 13, 2013

    I think Aiden and Emily are much better together than Emily and Jack would be, but I'm still not 100 % sold on Aiden for some reason.

  • LaurenAmster Feb 13, 2013

    I agree. And I'm thinking next season, there'll be somebody new for Emily.

  • LiviaJones Feb 13, 2013

    I actually have come to like Fauxmanda and think she can do better than Jack. I kinda hope the bad guy dies in the boat accident and Jack is in a coma, with Fauxmanda taking care of business for the rest of the season.

    Can someone please kill Aiden? I was over him before this episode and then he threw his "I am man, hear me rage and be sweaty" fits all over the place. I think Emily should swear off men and hang out with Nolan for ever.

    I love Victoria! She gets the best overdramatic lines and the most fun wardrobe. She's gold!

  • shootingstar609 Feb 12, 2013

    Indeed yes, we should all bow to Victoria's justice-dispensing prowess! I didn't know if she would actually pull the trigger, but I suppose when it comes to her children she'll kick some butt if she has to. But not when it comes to Conrad, she's content to let him twist in the wind. When Conrad and Daniel arrived her respective reveals of having killed Helen were quite good. Her implied "bitch please, I have the bigger problem" to Conrad was very entertaining. Now all hell will break lose once The Initiative realizes that Helen is dead and who killed her and why. But something tells me Victoria, Daniel, and Conrad won't be on the receiving end of a bullet for this, at least not yet.

    This episode was a rare peek into the emotions of Emily Thorne/real Amanda Clarke. when Aiden accused Emily of being cold and calculating she responded with "I am only one of those two things and it's the second one" while Aiden was walking away from her out of the Potter's Field where his sister is buried. It was good for him to see her to prove him wrong by shedding a few tears at Jack and Fauxmanda's wedding. And yes, I did notice that the Greysons were not invited. They would have just made the wedding about them somehow and ruined the whole thing.

    You would think that after a season and a half of being blackmailed or otherwise made to do someone else's bidding Conrad would learn to grow a pair and stand up for himself, but apparently that is foreign concept to him because he was the ping pong ball being batted between Jack and Nate Ryan over control of the Stowaway and adjacent waterfront property which=$$$ for Conrad because let's face it, Conrad never intended to actually cut Nate Ryan in on the profits from that venture. So of course someone is going to end up unhappy and try to get back at someone else for ruining everything. In this case Nate Ryan, who unlike his brother is not in the Revenge business for the money he's in it to avenge his father's death, is going to attempt to strike back at Jack. Little does he know Fauxmanda is the one he should really be mad at. But as they are both together...on a the middle of a large body of water...with no one else around...and their only connection to shore is a phone line that Nate conveniently cut this seemed like the perfect opportunity to take them both out.

    So riddle me this:

    1. Who dies on The Amanda? no idea, but I don't think it'll be Fauxmanda or Jack.

    2. How does the boat explode? presumably a bomb or gasoline lit on fire or however else you can set a boat on fire using only materials of opportunity.

    3. Is Padma playing Nolan? yes. Even though she say's she not, I don't believe her.

    4. Declan, Charlotte and Carl: spin-off? I expected Jack to make a comment about Charlotte and Declan having a baby of their own, but I guess he didn't think of that.

    5. Why does Daniel still live with his parents? I never thought of this, but I actually don't know. It's not like he doesn't have the money. It would probably solve a lot of his problems if he didn't live there. I guess the amazing beach view and proximity to Emily's house is holding him back...

  • pcsjunior002 Feb 12, 2013

    1. Fauxmanda bites the dust. Jack's too important to Emily, and the Law of Network TV states that in any situation where you have to lose one of a collection of characters, the least interesting character always survives, and that be Jack.
    2. I'm going to say that the boat explodes via phosphorus gas just because nobody'll see that coming. I'm not even sure that's possible. But that's what my gut tells me.
    3. I hope not. I could see Padma playing Nolan, but I like Nolan too much, so I don't want that to happen to him.
    4. My gosh, I hope not.
    5. That's what happens when you've got gobs of money apparently. Look at "Dallas" (the original). JR and wife AND Bobby and wife all living under the roof of Jock and Mrs. Ewing.
    Also, does anyone else get the impression that Aiden's sister may still be alive and that that whole thing is all one entire plot by the Initiative? Nobody else?

  • QMargo Feb 12, 2013

    Team Aiden and Emily more than ever after this episode!

  • TheGrimAriel Feb 12, 2013

    I swear, if Conrad doesn't die a long and bloody death... compared to Conrad Victoria's a saint!

  • chris17blue Feb 12, 2013

    1. Who dies on The Amanda? - That Nate guy? No way they are killing of Faux-Amanda and/or Jack.

    3. Is Padma playing Nolan? Yes, I think she lied to him about her father. It's either that or the actress playing her is terrible at portraying love for Nolan. I don't belive for a second she's in love with him.

    5. Why does Daniel still live with his parents? Intresting question. May be he wants to feel close to faux Emily? (real Amanda)

    Is it just me or does anyone else hate Aiden? I find him obnoxious, and weirdly fixated on finding/saving his sister. =.= Now that we know she is dead, can he please leave the show? I WANT EMILY AND DANIEL TOGETHER!

    P.S. The way Viktoria shot Helen was so awesome! Bang! Bitch is dead! LOL

  • tnetennba Feb 13, 2013

    "Weirdly fixated"...Lol. His sister was kidnapped to be used as a rape toy. What kind of weirdo would still be thinking about that a few years later?

  • dunlee Feb 12, 2013

    They need to get rid of Aiden. I never understood the purpose of his presence in the first place. Terrible character.

  • GuyAwks Feb 13, 2013

    He really has no place on the show. His mere existence destroys the simplicity of Emily's missions because the writers have to force his necessity in them. Now that his sister really is dead there is literally nothing keeping my interest in him.

  • dunlee Feb 13, 2013

    Exactly, Fauxmanda's already screwing with her plans. Aiden's not needed. He's phony anyway.

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