7 Boring TV Couples Who Need to Break Up
Valentine's Day is this Friday, and when most people think of Valentine's Day, they think of love and romance, chocolates and flowers. But that's boring and kind of makes me want to stab myself in the eye. After all, anyone can write about TV's best couples, but in honor of all the lonely hearts out there, we thought it might be a good idea to look at things from the other end of the spectrum—so we've compiled a list of current TV couples who we don't think should be couples anymore. Some people just aren't meant for each other, you know? And in the case of these seven unlucky twosomes, their relationships are past the expiration date.
Nashville's Gunnar & Zoey
Nashville has too many boring secondary characters who don't really add much to the storylines we actually care about. And in all honesty, there are at least two other relationships that could've occupied Nashville's place on this list, but Gunnar and Zoey won out because Zoey's arc is the show's most egregious misstep since Peggy (and we all know what happened to Peggy). Zoey was introduced in Season 2 as Scarlett's childhood best friend, but then she broke the girl code and now she's banging Gunnar and straightening her hair to become a backup singer in a stray plot that not even Gunnar cares about. Plus, since Nashville is already in the process of trimming the fat, Zoey could easily be next to go.
Hart of Dixie's Zoe & Joel
There's nothing inherently wrong with Zoe and Joel's relationship... except the fact that it exists in the first place. Joel, who followed Zoe to Bluebell in the Season 3 premiere, is a perfectly nice, charming boyfriend, and he even has a bit of a bromance going on with Wade, which is kind of fun. But the problem with this relationship is that literally everyone knows it's just a rest stop on the road to reality (reality = Zade, obviously). Many Hart of Dixie fans have been anxiously awaiting Joel's departure since the minute they learned of Josh Cooke's casting as a love interest for Zoe. It's nothing against Cooke, it's just that Joel isn't Wade Kinsella and his mere existence is the reason the series has been lacking a major element of its past success: Wilson Bethel's shirtless chest. I don't make the rules, guys, I just point out when they're being ignored.
Suits' Mike & Rachel
In theory, Mike and Rachel are a good-looking and totally acceptable pair. Prior to the start of their relationship, their sexual tension was off the charts; everyone wanted Mike and Rachel to stop dancing around each other and just get it on. But sadly, Suits has stumbled in its execution of Mike and Rachel's subsequent romance. Their hate sex in the file room at the end of Season 2 was hot, but ultimately, Mike and Rachel kind of sucked as a couple. Rachel went from being a fierce, independent woman who knew what she wanted to existing solely as a romantic plot device, and all of a sudden it seemed like she and Mike were fighting about one thing or another in every other scene. It made both characters unlikable, and if there was ever a cautionary tale for keeping Harvey and Donna apart, this is it.
Revenge's Jack & Margaux
Now that Emily has broken up with Aiden—hold on one sec while I throw a party and dance a jig and drink an entire bottle of champagne by myself—it's time to finish clearing the rest of the wreckage from the deck of the S.S. Revenge. Much like Joel on Hart of Dixie, there's nothing innately terrible about Margaux; she's simply in the unfortunate position of being on an already overcrowded series with far too many anchors weighing it down. She also appears to be happy in her relationship with Jack, and happy people are not allowed in the Hamptons. It's like an unwritten law or something that everyone has to be bitter and angry and/or part of a loveless marriage. Margaux certainly shouldn't leave the series after the way she sold Daniel out without even blinking an eye (and she won't, because Karine Vanasse has been upped to a series regular if Revenge makes it to Season 4), but she should absolutely not be thinking about moving in with Jack, either.
The Vampire Diaries' Bonnie & Jeremy
If I'd written this story six months ago, there would've been a hell of a lot more people I probably would've chosen to represent The Vampire Diaries on this list, but as it stands, everyone else is already split, and Bonnie is basically the human embodiment of everything that's wrong with the show anyway, so she and Jeremy are a fine target. Bonnie is a walking contradiction, and while I give her mad props for bringing Jeremy back to life so we can ogle his biceps, she's always been the weakest link in TVD's supernatural chain of events. The writers conveniently forget about her until they need a magical deus ex machina, and now that she doesn't have any witchy powers, her entire existence is pretty much pointless. Since Bonnie's relationship with Jeremy isn't enough to make her interesting, and since she generally just puts him in harm's way anyway, they'd really be better off apart.
Arrow's Roy & Thea
Now that Roy has officially joined Team Arrow and knows Oliver's big secret, he can probably cut Thea lose. Their relationship has been little more than a season-long journey to get Roy to where he is now, which means it's served its purpose and run its course. So before we have to deal with Thea's overbearing concern for Roy's safety and listen to her constantly wonder where he's going all the time, Roy should just go ahead end it now. Thea's not a bad character—in fact, as little sisters go, she's actually pretty awesome—but as soon as Roy has to start protecting her all the time, or as soon as she starts whining about his strange and sudden disappearances or late nights, she'll be in danger of crossing into annoying territory. Don't let that happen to Thea, show!
Pretty Little Liars' Aria & Ezra
I'll admit that there was once a time when I was a fan of this weird, illegal relationship, but then I came to my senses, because there's no way around the fact that Ezra is Aria's teacher and there's really no way to make their pairing not completely disgusting. Unless, of course, you're willing to suspend reality and completely ignore common sense, which I know is commonplace on TV, but still: Ezra dating Aria is beyond sleazy. The worst part about their relationship is the way Pretty Little Liars portrays it as some epic love story, wherein Aria's parents are the bad guys because they don't want Ezra seeing their daughter, and how dare they try to protect their offspring by keeping her apart from a man who's supposed to be teaching her English and not sex moves? Although I'd bet a floppity jillion dollars that Erza is not A—or even working for A—he is a creeper who's dating a teenager, recording everything that takes place in his life, leering through windows, and glowering from doorways. Sorry, Ezria fans, but this relationship needs to end, stat.
What TV couples do YOU think should book a one-way ticket to Splitsville?
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