What to Watch Tonight: The Vampire Diaries, the American Comedy Awards, and the Season Premieres of Maron and Comedy Bang! Bang!

By Andy Daglas

May 08, 2014

What to watch on Thursday, May 8...

8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
Fleeing Markos strands Stefan and Elena in a faraway place, which sounds like the perfect time for them to wax philosophical about the Delena situation. Meanwhile in “Promised Land,” Bonnie spills the beans about the Other Side, and Damon, Matt, and Jeremy lay a trap for the Travelers’ top dog.

8pm, Fox
Hell’s Kitchen
Each team member has 30 minutes and four surprise ingredients to whip up an entree as the top 12 chefs compete. Later, in what Fox informs me is a Hell’s Kitchen first, the lowest-ranking chefs from each team will compete head-to-head.

8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
Penny puts her life under the microscope after a rough day on-set in “The Gorilla Dissolution.” Elsewhere, Howard and Bernadette tend to a bedridden Mrs. Wolowitz, and Raj consults Sheldon for relationship advice, which is more or less like asking a cantaloupe for ballet lessons.

8pm, NBC
Hollywood Game Night
John Legend, Andy Roddick, Donald Faison, Chrissy Teigen, Brooklyn Decker, and Sarah Chalke test the limits of what an open-bar-fueled game show can get away with in the “family hour.”

9pm, NBC
The American Comedy Awards
Fans and industry insiders select their favorite comic actors, standup comedians, movies, and TV programs of the year. Nominees include Hannibal Buress, Louis C.K., Kevin Hart, and Amy Schumer.

9pm, ABC
Grey’s Anatomy
In “Everything I Do, Nothing Seems to Turn Out Right,” Amelia shares her thoughts on her Seattle experience with Meredith, while Bailey faces the fallout of her actions and Callie faces staggering news. Oh, and the residents learn that one of them is on the chopping block. So yes, this episode somehow sounds even less upbeat than its title would suggest.

9pm, The CW
Henry’s royal bugnuttery threatens Francis’s well-being and drives Mary and Catherine into a tentative alliance in “Long Live the King.” Meanwhile, Bash meets a boy who survived a brush with the Darkness and vows to slay his ebon enemy once and for all, and Lola goes to great lengths in an effort to defend Julien.

Two and a Half Men
Alan fields the blowback after telling Larry his true identity in “Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead.” Cameo guest-star Brad Paisley doesn’t want any part of that chicanery; I’m betting he just had a day off and opted to hang with real-life wife Kimberly Williams-Paisley.

SEASON 1 FINALE, 9:30pm, Fox
Surviving Jack
“Parents Just Don’t Understand” finds Jack and Joanne flummoxed by a pair of teenage rites of passage: Frankie imbibing his first alcoholic beverage and Rachel making the decision to start using birth control. If the sage counsel of the Fresh Prince and D.J. Jazzy Jeff can’t help them here, nothing can.

10pm, CBS
Political intrigue and international espionage are afoot when Holmes and Watson’s latest investigation crosses paths with MI-6 in “Art in the Blood.” If that weren’t vexing enough, Joan is compelled to reconsider her relationships with the Holmes boys in the wake of recent events.

Marc welcomes Sarah Silverman to his show and settles into a comfortable rapport with Jen. But naturally, all this success is soon thwarted in “Marc on Talking Dead,” when he botches an appearance on a talk show where literally all he had to do was say zombies are awesome.

Comedy Bang! Bang!
Guest Patton Oswalt vies with host Scott Aukerman for a choice role in the new Star Wars film, but I’m sure that won’t make tonight’s show at all awkward. Meanwhile, Reggie’s real name is divulged and a turtle expert goes off the deep end.

– Talib Kweli and DJ Eque on The Arsenio Hall Show, Syndicated, check local listings
– Sharon Stone, Marc Maron, and Rodrigo y Gabriela on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Dave Franco on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Katie Couric on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Ellen Page on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Michael Fassbender and Zoe Saldana on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, 11:35pm, NBC
– James Franco, Idina Menzel, and a performance by the Broadway cast of If/Then on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Kobe Bryant, Lake Bell, and Pharrell Williams on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Jon Hamm, Larry King, and Misty Copeland, on Late Night with Seth Meyers, 12:35pm, NBC
– Lisa Kudrow on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS


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