's Swell-o-vision vs. Hell-o-vision
(March 17)

By Staff

Mar 17, 2012

Mid-March can only mean one thing: March Madness! To be followed shortly by March Anger, March Despair, and March Depression as your NCAA College Basketball Championship bracket fills up with red. Here's our first round of winners and losers for this week in TV.


The Walking Dead says "Kill 'em all!"

It's a zombie kind of world, so yes, people are expected to die. And lately they've been dropping like flies. Two big deaths in two weeks means this show ain't playing around. Plus, there are rumors that more fatalities are coming in this Sunday's Season 2 finale. Obvious metaphor alert:  The Walking Dead is most certainly back from the dead.

My Strange Addiction hits a new low

This show is going places no show has gone before. Someone needs to sit this woman down and say, "You're in trouble." To which she'll probably reply, "What are you talking about? I don't have any urine trouble!"

Dallas Royce's crystal bust of Joy Behar on Suburgatory

Dallas's one-on-one with her crystal bust of Joy Behar was one of the most enchanting openings Suburgatory has given us yet. Somebody crack open a window!

Idol's Joshua Ledet tears the roof down in a nice way

For a couple minutes we forgot the karaoke-ness of American Idol, as Ledet had his star moment with a searing performance of "When A Man Loves A Woman." He even casually slipped off his jacket halfway through and added some quick James Brown "ha!"s at the end to seal the deal.

Alex's Miracle speech on Happy Endings

Combining Kurt Russel's speech with one from The Goonies was as adorable as it was out of context. "She's having a tiny stroke!"

EW's Game of Thrones cast portraits

Not to mention Dany and her dragon on one of the magazine's four covers. HBO's excellent fantasy epic has gone mainstream, and we're not complaining. 

30 Rock's Settlers of Catan sendup

This show has really started to challenge The Big Bang Theory's monopoly on nerd references.

Archer heads to space, forces Cyril to eat vomit

Well of course Sterling Archer would ride Cyril like a dolphin and force his mouth open so Lana's barf would float into his pie hole in zero-G! Great start to the two-part season finale, which features Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston as a guest voice.


The Bachelor's finale

We all knew Ben would pick Courtney, but did ABC  have to drag it out as if he might not for as long as it did with an endless assault of "I'm on a balcony thinking about stuff" shots? Also, the fact that Ben and Courtney couldn't even keep it together during Chris Harrison's "After the Final Rose" special destroyed any possible sprig of hope that the "love" expressed on this series holds any validity. 

American Idol's public execution

Mothball-scented American Idol producers Nigel Lythgoe and Ken Warwick made the nauseating decision to confront contestant Jermaine Jones on camera about the outstanding warrants and criminal record he failed to disclose, then disqualified the gentle giant on the air. Awkward, cruel, and completely unnecessary. Welcome to Hollywood, dude!

So many Missing promos!

Watching all of ABC's Missing promos has been exhausting. Ashley Judd is doing all the running, screaming, crying, and plane-chasing, but we're the ones getting worn out.

The Celebrity Apprentice goes hunting (and deservedly loses a sponsor)

We were uber skeeved-out after photos of Trump's creepy son holding up the tail of an elephant as a hunting trophy were released to the public. And so was Camping World, one of The Celebrity Apprentice's sponsors for this season. It rightfully pulled its funding from the series, declaring (hopefully), "Trump, you're FIRED."

Fashion Star

See photo.

Kirk Cameron's hate rally

In light of the former Growing Pains star's recent anti-gay comments, we are forced to come to this conclusion: This guy is looney tunes! We see a run at the Republican presidential nomination in his future. 

Luck's odd cancellation

There was nothing swell about this situation at all. Luck was a great show cut short by horrific, unfortunate tragedies. Just an odd ending to a potentially awesome  long-running series.

What made your list of TV loves and hates this week?

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  • kanniballl Mar 20, 2012

    I'm not a "Cougar Town" fan, but I "discovered" that little gem by mistake and I have to say it was a hoot. The "Kiss the Girl" scene alone was "Swell" worthy.

    "Archer" was great all around, watching Lana act useless for once. Tiny Mallory in a large Space Suit. Pam and Cheryl/Carol once again acting as stow-a-ways. A bit "puke" heavy but otherwise solid.

  • RipIgloo Mar 20, 2012

    Hell-O-Vision SyFy's Leprechaun's Revenge. Seriously just atrocious and probably the worst part was the story of how the daughter's mother died or was "lost". Oh Billy Zane, from Titanic co-star to scrap heap. Sad :(

  • DinChild Mar 19, 2012

    Swell: Spartacus; Always. Every week. Spartacus.

    Hell: No new review because the reviewer, thus far, can't take criticism. The show deserves better.

  • DavidJackson8 Mar 19, 2012

    I'm sure he could take criticism -- you cant become a critic of sorts without being able to take criticism. But many of the comments on his articles were whiny "stop writing these reviews!" and "why can't someone else write these!" type of comments, which I'm guessing are what convinced him to stop.

  • smithinjapan Mar 19, 2012

    It's a shame about Kirk Cameron. I had no idea he was spouting the kind of nonsense he's evidently been spouting for some time now. And here I thought he just died quietly from celebrity life. Bigotry is bigotry, regardless of your beliefs.

  • DinChild Mar 19, 2012

    He once said that a great way to push religion was to "circumnavigate" a person's intellect. How brilliant...

  • EllyAndrea Mar 19, 2012

    Swell: COMMUNITY's back! Hell: No Parks and Rec!

  • LeahLefler Mar 19, 2012

    Kirk Cameron has been doing his thing for years on the Christian TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network). He was on this show where the guys go around confronting people about Christian stuff. They tried to bring a chimp on a plane ("according to evolution, we're cousins!") and they made college students cry by reminding them that their fornication is going to send them to hell. I know the real Kirk Cameron and now so does everyone else.

  • smorbie Mar 19, 2012

    Everyone is entitled to his opinion, but I think you're Kirk Cameron comments are over the line. Like Kirk, I am a Christian and believe homosexuality to be a sin. That doesn't make me hate filled, any more than believing bigotry or adultery to be sins. And the comment about a Republican run in his future was very over the line. Way to alienate your audience, dude.

  • smithinjapan Mar 19, 2012

    Actually, I think the Republican comment was bang on -- a lot of Republicans do indeed spout the same rubbish, or similar stuff, that Cameron does and actually get support for it.

    That said, I do agree that a writer using the comment on a thread is going to alienate his/her audience to an extent.

  • safibwana Mar 19, 2012

    You're welcome to believe that homosexuality is a sin, but bigotry against sinners is still bigotry, and to not acknowledge the fact that republican leaders tend to be bigots would just be disingenuous. Both political parties have sinning as part of their party platform, they just favor different sins.

  • DinChild Mar 19, 2012

    Smorbie, I think you're demeaning the concept of "sin" just a little bit to befit your own image. Maybe you don't personally believe gays deserve to go to hell. Well done, that's humane. But your God does. He labels it as a sin. A sin, and the acknowledgment thereof, is no small to-do. In your creed, this is eternal damnation. This is what you believe. And if you don't, then you believe men should marry men, and women just the same. This isn't exactly the same deal heterosexuals get, assuming we're all born sinners. So heterosexuals are allowed to repent and accept Christ, but not homosexuals? They're damned? Anyway, the point is, because you align yourself with a stringent and stubborn doctrine, you're belief system is bigoted by association. However, it doesn't take away from your obvious humanitarian efforts, which I applaud.

  • smorbie Mar 19, 2012

    I am certainly not bigoted against homosexuals. I have friends and relatives who are gay, and I spent many, many years working in the fight against AIDS. People are people, all of us, and no one is advocating bigotry. As Christians we are taught that we are all sinners and come short of the glory of God. But to label a sin as a sin is not bigotry. It is acknowledgment of a kind of sin.

  • safibwana Mar 19, 2012

    You misunderstand me. Labeling a sin a sin isn't a sin, but saying this is "Because our children's future is best preserved within the traditional understanding of marriage, we call for a constitutional amendment that fully protects marriage as a union of a man and a woman, so that judges cannot make other arrangements equivalent to it. " That's bigotry, friend.

  • NeeUyank Mar 19, 2012

    well if anything, he couldn't say enough.. I do hope that audience would be alienated from everywhere..

  • ludoTV Mar 18, 2012

    Anything Game of Thrones swells..... Less than 3 weeks to go....

  • FuzzyLogic99 Mar 18, 2012

    Yeah , how did The Scrub reunion especially the The Blanks on Cougar Town not get a swell. The Blank version of Kiss the Girl is a swell in itself. What worse is that you gave Archer making Cyril eat vomit a swell. I guess you guys perfer sick jokes over true moments of humor.

    Just because someone disagrees with the homosexual lifestyle doesn't means they hate homosexuals. Theres a difference between the two that is so often ignored. Hate implies something more than disagreeing with something. or someone. To just imply that someone hates homosexuals just because they think their lifestyle is wrong takes away the real power of the word , when there is really hate going on. So sad that the writer is so blinded by his bias . Please Stick to talking about TV and leave your politics at home !!!!!!!!!

  • Loooooooooooost Mar 18, 2012

    I kinda expected only 1 Swell this week: The return of Community.

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