What to Watch This Weekend: Dracula's Season Finale, Black Sails' Series Premiere, Jonah Hill on SNL, and the Grammys

By Andy Daglas

Jan 24, 2014

What to watch on Friday, January 24...

2pm Eastern, Netflix
Fresh off its debut at Sundance, this documentary follows the twice-thwarted presidential aspirations of former Massachusetts governor and businessman Mitt Romney. Advance word is that black sheep son Tugg declined to participate.

8pm, Fox
“The Master in the Slop” sends Sweets undercover as a chess pro after one of the sport’s leading lights turns up dead in a pig sty. Back at the lab, Cam has mixed feelings about being spotlighted in a science publication, and Dr. Douglas Fillmore brings his chipper Canadianness to the role of lab intern.

8pm, The CW
The Carrie Diaries
Senior prom beckons the gang to the Waldorf Astoria in “This Is the Time,” but it’s post-graduation life that’s on Carrie’s mind after Larissa makes her an enticing offer. Elsewhere, Sebastian conceals his big decision from Carrie, and Mouse stumbles onto some sensitive info about Donna.

8:30pm, ABC
The Neighbors
Debbie’s back-to-school adjustments are only made harder by the unwanted attentions of an amorous instructor in “Man, Actually.” Back home, Larry and Reggie go emotionally haywire when their Zabvronian male cycles synch up, and Amber continues to struggle getting over the break-up.

NEW TIME, 9pm, Fox
In “Pete’s Airstream,” the sergeant seeks a place of sanctuary as he reacclimates to life Stateside. Unfortunately, his brothers and his platoon don’t quite seem to grasp the concept of “personal space.”

9pm, PBS
The Real Mary Poppins
Pamela Travers, author of the children’s book series starring Mary Poppins and subject of Saving Mr. Banks, is profiled.

9pm, NBC
Portland’s finest are being targeted by a scalp-claiming serial killer in “The Wild Hunt.” In less grisly goings-on, Monroe’s parents drop in for a visit, Adalind’s pregnancy accelerates unexpectedly, and Juliette strikes up a correspondence with Nick’s mom.

9pm, Disney
Wander Over Yonder
Pursued by an elite squad of bounty hunters in “The Bounty,” Wander and Sylvia receive assistance from an unlikely source: Peepers, who doesn’t want anyone else capturing the pair and thus stealing his thunder.

9:15pm, Disney
Phineas and Ferb
The boys organize a batting challenge in “Return Policy,” while Candace winds up out of her depth in the high-intensity world of water sports. No, not that kind. Get your minds out of the gutter, people, it’s a children’s show.

NEW TIME, 9:30pm, Fox
Raising Hope
Burt and Virginia cross swords when they try to nurture Barney and Maxine’s young romance in “Thrilla in Natesvilla.” Jimmy and Sabrina cross swords more literally when they take up fencing as a stress release.

10pm, Cinemax
Proctor must mediate when a ghastly crime pits the Amish and the Kinaho tribe against one another in “Warrior Class.” Hood’s investigation into the matter leads the sheriff and his deputies to confront a dangerous gang.

10pm, Syfy
Walker fights for his life on Level R, which I’ve heard is super hard even on Normal difficulty unless you find the hidden power-up cache. Elsewhere in “Single Strand,” the team members withdraw from each other as tensions ramp up.

Grayson at long last demonstrates his dazzling new technology to an admiring public in “Let There be Light,” and the whole kit and kaboodle probably goes off without a hitch. Wait, what? “Utter disaster,” you say? “Dire consequences”? “Big-ass Victorian train wreck”? Well, I suppose that could be interesting too.


– Chuck D, Luther Campbell, Rapper's Delight, and Jason Brown on The Arsenio Hall Show, Syndicated, check local listings
– Terry Bradshaw and Heidi Klum, and Darius Rucker on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Kevin Bacon, Pat McGann, and Devon Avenue on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Mitt Romney, James Purefoy, SchoolBoy Q, and Mark Rivera on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Christina Ricci and Ian Rankin on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS


What to watch on Saturday, January 25...

10:30am, The Hub
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
A visit from Princess Cadance is discombobulated by Discord, who pleads for the ponies’ help tending to an illness in “Three’s a Crowd.” With his incessant demands quashing Twilight’s quality time with her sister-in-law, will her beneficence hit its breaking point?

MOVIE PREMIERE, 8pm, Lifetime
Lizzie Borden Took an Ax
Christina Ricci portrays the notorious Massachusetts schoolteacher, who allegedly delivered a combined 81 fatal whacks to her parents in 1892.

Black Sails
Captain Flint and his buccaneer buddies prowl the early 18th century Caribbean in Starz’s newest adventure series/nudity delivery system. In the opener, new cook John Silver joins the briny brigands, who are plotting a potential mutiny.

9pm, BBC America
Seeking to reverse Medusa’s curse in “The Price of Hope,” the guys consult the inventor Daedalus (though hopefully not his dim-bulb son). Later, they find themselves roped into a ruthless Scythian blood sport.

This unorthodox French import comprises minute-long episodes centering on the daily life of a young Parisian. The series will air in 15-episode bursts, letting you experience all the thrill and feeling of accomplishment that binge-viewing provides in about the time it takes to watch one episode of an average Adult Swim program.

11:30pm, NBC
Saturday Night Live
Two-time Academy Award nominee Jonah Hill hosts and four-time BRIT Award nominee Bastille is the musical guest.


What to watch on Sunday, January 26...

8pm, CBS
The 56th Annual Grammy Awards
LL Cool J hosts the festivities from L.A.’s Staples Center, where Lorde, Taylor Swift, Paul McCartney, Metallica, Pharrell Williams, Daft Punk, Sara Bareilles, Kendrick Lamar, Merle Haggard and many more are slated to perform.

Live, 8pm Eastern, ABC
The Bachelor: Sean and Catherine’s Wedding
You’re cordially invited to the nuptials of Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici, as a pair of Bachelor lovebirds tie the knot in a live telecast for the first time. In lieu of gifts, please send Nielsen ratings points to the American Broadcasting Company, New York City, USA.

8pm, Fox
The Simpsons
Equipped with Mr. Burns’ snazzy new techno-eyeglasses doohickey in “Specs and the City,” Homer uncovers a surprising secret of Marge’s. Meanwhile, Bart’s failure to choo-choo-choose Nelson on Valentine’s Day incenses the thin-skinned bully.

8:30pm, Fox
Bob’s Burgers
In “Easy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mercial,” Bob is driven to one-up Jimmy Pesto’s Super Bowl bash. So he commissions a documentary filmmaker and a former pro football star (Jordan Peele) to produce a Bob’s Burgers ad for the big game.

9pm, Showtime
Frank scouts out his newly revealed offspring in “Like Father, Like Daughter,” while Carl hits what I wish I could call a new low in an effort to scrounge up cash for his pop. On the romantic front, Fiona and Mike kick things up a notch and Sheila leaps into the online dating pool.

9pm, HBO
True Detective
Following leads from a tent-revival church, Hart and Cohle apprehend a likely suspect in “The Locked Room.” But Cohle is convinced they’ve got the wrong man, even after obtaining a confession.

9pm, Food Network
Iron Chef America
Two teams meet in Kitchen Stadium for “Big Game Day”: Michael Symon and Marc Forgione vs. Masaharu Morimoto and Jose Garces. Which duo will prove more dynamic in the eyes and taste buds of judges Donatella Arpaia, Mike Greenberg, and Caroline Manzo?

9pm, PBS
Downton Abbey
Mary and Tom butt heads with Robert over management of the estate, while Mrs. Hughes struggles with Bates’ incessant inquiries about Anna. Elsewhere, Alfred pursues a career boost and Thomas recruits a new ally.

10pm, PBS
Watson’s wedding day faces twin threats in “The Sign of Three”: the homicidal fiend prowling the reception, and Sherlock, who discharges his best man duties with something less than aplomb.

10pm, Showtime
House of Lies
“Boom” finds Marty and Jeannie setting their latest plan into motion—which, of course, quickly backfires. Meanwhile, Monica finds one more way to make Clyde’s work life hell, and Jeannie is jarred by the shifting sands at Galweather.

10pm HBO
In “Dead Inside,” a tragedy triggers a strange response from Hannah, while Jessa reconnects with an old friend and Marnie is mortified by yet another of Charlie’s online offerings.

10:30pm, HBO
Agustin moves into his boyfriend’s place in Oakland in “Looking for Uncut,” and he and Dom contemplate Patrick’s romantic prospects. Back across the bay, Dom reunites with a former flame and Patrick hits the town with Richie.


And now, let’s all vote to crown the What to Watch Tonight Episode Title of the Week!

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