What to Watch This Weekend: Life's Too Short's Series Finale Special, a Walking Dead Zombiethon, True Blood, and Dexter
What to watch on Friday, July 5...
MARATHON, 1pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
If you’re one of the lucky Americans with an extra day off, why not revisit the ol’ farm from Season 2? Why, AMC has all 13 episodes lined up for ya. Sit a spell, enjoy a bite of Hershel’s famous rhubarb pie, and unwind from the hustle and bustle of barbecues and fireworks and unloading buckshot into putrescent, shambling corpses.
8pm & 9pm, The CW
In “The Prophecy of St. Clare” at 8pm, Skye lends a shoulder to one of Cult’s stars after the poor woman realizes she’s both involved with Cult and involved with Cult. (Fun Fact: St. Clare is the patron saint of television. Cult is going deep on us, y’all.) Then a shadowy surveillance chamber is unveiled in 9pm’s “Flip the Script.”
Phineas and Ferb
The boys re-create the Gordian Knot on a grand scale in “Knot My Problem,” while Candace helps Isabella record her audio book in “Just Desserts.” Between his Eat-it-All-Inator and his Bring-Out-Dessert-Inator, Doof’s dining-centric schemes this week suggest he’s having a hard time sticking to his diet plan.
SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, Discovery
The Warlocks, a Florida motorcycle club, throw a shindig for a member’s impending prison release as “The Hard Life” kicks off Discovery’s latest foray into a world of powerfully bearded alpha males. Elsewhere, a member named Shotgun contemplates the dangers his lifestyle may impose upon himself and his kin.
CATCH-UP MINI-MARATHON, 9pm, Starz
New mob misadventures take the week off, giving way to a replay of the first three episodes of the season. As is Starz’s wont. If anyone needs Ike, he’ll be at the pool chilling in one of those big floaty things, piña colada in hand.
In “New York Weenie,” we track the fascinating yet elusive city mouse (Peromyscus urbana) through his natural habitat, Central Park. Let’s observe as the noble creature pursues his primary prey, the wild hot dog, on a thrilling chase, in order to satiate his female companion.
Kiera hits the emotional breaking point in “Second Opinion,” tripping a psychological fail-safe in her CMR that could jeopardize her entire identity. At the Vancouver PD, a new top cop tries to sniff out the mole plaguing the department.
SERIES FINALE SPECIAL, 10pm, HBO
Life's Too Short
Warwick powwows with Willow co-star Val Kilmer about the possibility of a sequel in the series-capping special, but the deal comes with strings attached. For one thing, Kilmer is definitely going to demand he wield his own personally forged swords.
Bupkis. Goose egg. Go out and be social, dammit!
What to watch on Saturday, July 6...
MARATHON, 1pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
Season 3’s first 11 episodes continue the holiday weekend zombiethon, now with 100 percent more swords and 1,000 percent more sword-related maimings.
“Winding” takes Hank and Laila to Strasbourg, where they must outrun the Pyrates to obtain the True Cross. Meanwhile, White Vincent and Molars bond during their captivity on a salvage ship, and... okay, I’m gonna stop you right there, synopsis. “White Vincent” and “Molars”? So, how long before Dick Tracy shows up to haul them in along with Itchy and Flattop? Then again, if you told me Anthony Edwards rocked a two-way radio wristwatch on this show, I’d believe you.
666 Park Avenue
After researching Peter Kramer’s journal, Jane searches for the truth about the “conspiratii” in “The Elysian Fields.” I don’t mean to tell all the clandestine evil organizations on TV how to do their jobs, but maybe they should stop picking the most sinister names possible if they want to stay clandestine? In less lampshaded events, Henry hopes to reunite Jane with her father, and Alexis’s loathing for Louise goes supernova.
Sinbad and Gunnar are both “Hunted” this week—the former by Taryn’s mystically conjured beastie, the latter by demons from his past, possibly stemming from his time as a struggling musician in Nashville.
Primeval: The New World
In “Undone,” a college campus is menaced by an Anomaly-generated Lycaenops. What’s a Lycaenops, you ask? Why, it’s basically a Permian-era carnivorous wolf-lizard, of course. Now you know—and knowing is half the battle. (The other half is not getting devoured by Permian-era carnivorous wolf-lizards.)
Do No Harm
I honestly checked four or five times just to be absolutely positive the title of this episode is actually “Me Likey.” But so it is. And it entails Ian posing as Jason at a ritzy gala as part of a detente between... himself. Oh, hey, Phylicia Rashad and Jurnee Smollett are both in this episode. They’re appealing actors who have been in better shows. Maybe watch some Cosby Show or Friday Night Lights tonight instead?
What to watch on Sunday, July 7...
SERIES PREMIERE, 11am, Disney XD
Marvel's Avengers Assemble
After previewing in May, the newest entry in Marvel’s mightiest franchise begins its official series run. “Ghost of a Chance” pits green recruit Falcon against an alien invasion force after the rest of the squad is neutralized by body-swapping baddies.
MARATHON, 1pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
Season 3’s back eight (including some overlap with yesterday’s lineup) finish off the four-day festival of homicidal fleshbags and even more homicidal humans. Honestly, after four blurbs for this show in two days, the word “zombiethon” has begun to lose all meaning.
And now, on to the sunnier side of AMC’s programming slate! In “Hope Kills,” Seward wrestles with the creeping specter of death. But, um, hey, it also says here that Linden and Holder make progress in the case! You know, the case about the serial killer butchering young women. Geez. There’s gotta be something a little less murder-y on the schedule today, right?
Sigh. All right, what’re the crack minds of Miami Metro up to in “Every Silver Lining”? Tracking the Brain Surgeon, I see, while Dr. Vogel turns to Dexter for an assist. On the private dick front, Deb takes extra initiative in her latest case.
Drop Dead Diva
Kim and Grayson help a surrogate mother locate the parents whose bun is about to pop out of her oven. Elsewhere in “Surrogates,” Jane represents a ditched bride, and Shark Tank tycoon Barbara Corcoran drops by to pelt Stacey with a few pearls of business wisdom.
“At Last” sees Sookie steering into the skid of her jones for Ben, and Andy’s rapidly maturing faerie daughters making some inauspicious friends. Meanwhile, Eric something something Gov. Burrell something something anti-vampire, I swear this part of the logline is the same every damn week. Is this storyline actually going anywhere, True Blood viewers?
SEASON 1 FINALE, 10pm, HBO
Monk goes missing when Pete and Bea celebrate their last day in California by visiting Venice Beach, possibly to take in a few qualifying challenges for American Ninja Warrior. Also in “Cowboys,” Tom and Ally meet Tom’s distant cousin, a star of silent-era Westerns, and the farewell party thrown by Al and Kitty yanks the lids off a few cans of worms.
Hank comes clean about his personal demons in “Be Silent and Come Out,” but the Masons could be the ones feeling the heat as a result. Around Charleston, Lourdes dabbles in risky medicine and the local government undergoes a power shift.
Strange doings are afoot in Poland, and Sebastian leads an ICC team to investigate. With a title like “Long-Haul Predators,” the danger can only mean one thing: T-rexes driving semis. We all knew this day would come.
12am, Cartoon Network
The Venture Bros.
Who is the mystery woman bedeviling Dean in “Momma’s Boy”? Triana? A philandering Dr. Girlfriend? The titular “Momma”? Adult Swim is notoriously stingy with its promo materials, so your guess is as good as mine.
And now, let’s all vote to crown the What to Watch Tonight Episode Title of the Week!
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