Your Everything Guide to New Year's TV Marathons

By Claire Zulkey

Dec 31, 2009

Whether you're cozying up and staying in on New Year's Eve or getting out the icepack to recover at home on New Year's Day, New Year’s TV marathons are one of our finest holiday traditions. Here are a few of the noteworthy options for your intensive couch session—helpfully organized by viewer profile. (All times listed are EST.)

If you: hold a dystopian view of the future...
The marathon to watch is: Twilight Zone
Airs: December 31 - January 1, 8am - 4:30am on SyFy

If you: want to take your relationship with Ed Begley, Jr. to the next level...
The marathon to watch is: Living with Ed
Airs: December 31, 11am - 2:30pm on Green Planet

If you: enjoy watching people in excruciating pain who probably shouldn't be out in the public anyway...
The marathon to watch is: Untold Stories of the E.R.
Airs: December 31, 12 noon - 5pm on TLC

If you: think yourself a wise guy...
The marathon to watch is: The Three Stooges
Airs: December 31 - January 1, 7am - 5:30am on AMC

If you: are a gay nerd...
The marathon to watch is: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Airs: January 1, 6am - 11pm on Logo, a gay- and lesbian-themed network

If you: are hoping for a spooky new year...
The marathon to watch is: Ghost Lab
Airs: December 31 - January 1, 9am - 2am on Discovery

If you: don't think it's weird to, once a year, watch TV all day long while eating only M&Ms; (separated by color, of course)...
The marathon to watch is: Strange Rituals
Airs: December 31 - January 1, 2pm - 2am on History Channel

If you: want to feel less guilty about how much you ate over the holidays...
The marathon to watch is: Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre World and Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern
Airs: December 31, 9am - 11pm on Travel Channel

If you: still miss Bea Arthur (and who doesn't?)...
The marathon to watch is: Golden Girls
Airs: January 1, 10am - 6:30pm on WE

If you: made a New Year’s resolution to finally get off the couch and exercise (which you’ll start tomorrow)...
The marathon to watch is: The Biggest Loser
Airs: January 1, 7 am - 3am on Fine Living Network

If you:: subscribe to the belief that we must destroy in order to create...
The marathon to watch is: Disaster House
Airs: January 1, 7am - 2:30am on DIY Network

If you: are new-age romantic who appreciates big ears, permed-out pimps, overbearing neighbors, and Detroit talk radio...
The marathon to watch is: Martin
Airs: January 1, 9am - 5:30am on TV One


Plus!

The Next Food Network Star, December 31, 3pm - 3am on Food Network
Real Housewives of Atlanta, December 31, 1pm - 4:30pm on Bravo
Las Vegas, December 31, 11am - 6pm on TNT
World Extreme Cagefighting, December 31, 2pm - 8pm on Versus
South Park, December 31, 9pm - 11:30pm on Comedy Central
Meet My Folks, December 31, 9am - 1pm on Fox Reality
Married...With Children, January 1, 4:30pm - 8:30pm on TV Land
Bait Car, January 1, 7pm - 10:30pm on TruTV
Law & Order: SVU, January 1, 10am - 5am on USA

  • Comments (51)
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  • jtrolio Jan 04, 2010

    hey everybody, so sorry for the confusion ... tv.com and its staff didn't mean to offend. it's now clear to us that our joke was too subtle. we do not hate gay people! (nor do we hate buffy fans and nerds.) as a few folks have already said, Logo is a an LGBT-themed TV network, hence the gay nerd" bit. i've added as much to the story above. happy new year!

  • michael_LB92 Jan 04, 2010

    I understand Zulkey's POV, but had I written the article, I would have made it clear IN THE ARTICLE what I meant. Calling people gay nerds" is obviously an insult by default. Contextually, she's correct. But nobody else was told about this "context" of hers.

  • tv_buffy_addict Jan 04, 2010

    *ouch* with the buffy comment there. if it was a joke i haven't actually heard of LOGO.

  • Daxxanna Jan 04, 2010

    ""Claire Zulkey is an ignorant lesbian. What, she can dish it but I can't? PS - I don't have a problem with lesbians."
    ArlovskiFTW Posted 12/31/2009 You felt it acceptable to called someone a Lesbian as an insult yet you don't have a problem with Lesbians... that's what we called an oxymoron. Claire was contextually correct you are just ignorant

  • Daxxanna Jan 03, 2010

    I am from Britain and gay and yes I get pi**ed off when the word is used as a negative i.e. that show is gay instead of it is s**t. this is not the case here, the channel is a gay channel would it be offensive to say that a program is for you if your a woman because its on a channel aimed at women? Therefore the were making a statement: this is for you if your a gay gay channel) nerd (its Buffy of course us nerds watch it). Over reaction and expecting never to be offended, demanding never to be offended stops people living their life just get over it and get on living your life, life's too short getting upset over everything'

  • emvdb Jan 03, 2010

    Yeah the whole gay nerd' thing = not cool.

    Im neither gay or a nerd and i love buffy. And just because its on a gay channel doesnt mean straight people cant watch it!!!

    Claire Zulkey you are a loser!!! Buffy is one of the greatest show ever made! And you are a waste of space :)

  • goodridd Jan 02, 2010

    You could learn something from Wikipedia, TV.com. "It is often useful to avoid words with strong connotations (especially disparaging ones) when striving to achieve a neutral point of view. A desire for more positive connotations, or fewer negative ones, is one of the main reasons for using euphemisms."

    Don't say I never did anything for you.

  • jhaft703 Jan 02, 2010

    Wow....way to piss me off tv.com

  • tigercub91 Jan 01, 2010

    You forgot the Torchwood marathon on Space! That's what I'm watching right now. It is the Children of Earth five part series.

  • Maximum_Taco Jan 01, 2010

    Woo Law and Order SVU Marathon. I am so there, well took a break for the NHL Winter Classic, but otherwise, I am there.

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