Your Everything Guide to Wonder Woman's New Costume
This is it! Your first glimpse of Adrianne Palicki as NBC’s Wonder Woman. Are you thrilled? Disappointed? Before you decide, you might want to read this guide to everything new and exciting about the latest in fanboy fetishwear.
1. A high-fashion accessory that doubles as a deadly boomerang, the
Golden Tiara is like Wonder Woman’s hood ornament: the first thing you see careening toward you before wonder-impact. This V-shaped version reveals a small amount of forehead space below her brow, which might add a sleek, tribal element to the costume—but nonetheless could make for unsightly forehead tan lines.
2. Wonder Woman has traditionally leaned toward a heavier, evening look with her Wonder Makeup. This version forgoes the blue shadow and instead draws the enemy’s eye to a glossy, crimson lip, adding extra oomph to powerful lines like, “In the name of the mighty Aphrodite and the United States of America, I command you to eat my fists, Baroness von Gunther!”
3. If the Golden Tiara is her hood ornament, then the Bustier of Righteousness is akin to Wonder Woman’s grill and headlights. As such, we find her high-beams a little widely set here for our tastes. We think this might have something to do with Title 36 of the U.S. Flag and Patriotic Symbols Code, which states that “placement of the Bald Eagle’s head should be such that it has ample room to breathe.”
4. The legendary Lasso of Truth, or Lariat of Hestia, was forged by Hephaestus from the golden girdle of Gaea. That’s common knowledge. What makes this Lasso of Truth so remarkable, however, is that it also doubles as a Golden Braided-Weave of Truth—for those moments when Wonder Woman needs to infiltrate a star-studded Grammy party disguised as Alicia Keys.
5. According to legend, Wonder Woman's Bulletproof Bracelets were made from Athena's shield, which itself was fashioned from the unbreakable hide of the great she-goat, Amalthea, who suckled Zeus as an infant. Unfortunately, that material has become impossible to find since Zeus-suckling she-goats were added to the endangered species list. Instead, these cuffs were made from a titanium alloy, then coated in a thin layer of the same substance Pauly D. uses in his hair, rendering them virtually indestructible.
6. The Shiny Pants of Freedom will likely be unfamiliar to Wonder Woman purists more accustomed to the Star-Spangled Spanks of yesteryear. But give them a chance. These all-weather bottoms not only offer stylish protection from the elements, but will also provide us with endless excitement in their ongoing battles against the evil Cameltoe of Injustice.
What do you think of Wonder Woman's new look?
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