Match Game

Season 11, Ep 18, Aired 3/30/04
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  • Episode Description
  • Frasier hires a professional matchmaker, but winds up going on a series of increasingly disasterous dates. Meanwhile, Niles and Daphne take things a bit too far while trying to get the most out of Daphne's pregnancy.

  • Cast & Crew
  • Kelsey Grammer

    Dr. Frasier Crane

  • Jane Leeves

    Daphne Moon Crane

  • David Hyde Pierce

    Dr. Niles Crane

  • Peri Gilpin

    Roz Doyle

  • John Mahoney

    Martin Crane

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  • Trivia & Quotes
  • Quotes (16)

    • Charlotte: He’s a big radio star – smart, really sweet. So think about it. Here’s my card. Frasier: (comes up behind her) You lied to me. You have five clients. There is no roster of eligible women! Charlotte: (snatches the binder back) You looked at my client log? Frasier: Yes, I’ve seen your log, and I’ve dated every toad on it! Woman: Is this the guy? Charlotte: No, no, no, different guy. Call me. (She leads him back to the table) Frasier: I think the police might be interested in this little scam of yours. Charlotte: It is not a scam! I... I just didn’t have time to put the other pictures in, and I will not work one second with someone who threatens me. I’ll mail you a check. (She rises angrily, so does he) Frasier: I’ll save you the price of a stamp. I’ll see you at your office tomorrow. Charlotte: Fine. I’d say come alone, but that’s a given. (She walks toward the exit. Suddenly her heel breaks off, she slips and lands hard on her knee, collapsing to the floor with a cry of pain. Frasier, the maitre ’d, and several diners gather around in concern) Charlotte: (breaking down) Oh God! What a crappy, crappy day! Frasier: Charlotte, are you okay? Charlotte: I can’t give you a check. I’ve already... I’ve already spent the money on rent, and food, and... and these shoes. (takes one off and hammers it on the floor) These stupid, stupid shoes! Frasier: (helps her up) Come on now, it’s okay. Charlotte: No, it’s not! Nothing’s okay. I lied to you. I just started this business. But I’m really good at what I do! I used to run the biggest matchmaking business in Chicago – before I lost it to my rotten ex-husband in the divorce. Frasier: Divorce? But you’re wearing a wedding ring. Charlotte: (holds up her hand) It’s camouflage. It inspires confidence. I mean, nobody wants a matchmaker whose life’s a mess - like me! (She bursts into tears, and Frasier helps her back to the table) Charlotte: I’m divorced, my business is a joke, and I’m up to my ass in debt, and I had to move in with my mother. I am thirty-five years old, and I am living with my mother! How pathetic is that? Frasier: (carefully) Well, I... I’ve seen worse. You mentioned something earlier about having a drink. Charlotte: Oh, believe me, I will. If my mother hasn’t finished the bottle. Frasier: No, I meant here. (signals the waiter) Charlotte: No, I really can’t. I’ve got to get home. I have paperwork, I have calls to make... Frasier: It’s my treat. Charlotte: (“life preserver!”) Double Scotch.

    • Frasier: Charlotte, where’s my date? Charlotte: I am so sorry. She just called, she had to cancel. Frasier: That does it. Charlotte: No, we’ll find another evening. Frasier: No, Charlotte, we will not. You have sent me on enough miserable dates, thank you. Before you fix me up with a doll-collecting war criminal, or a hashish-smoking burger flipper, I want out! And I want my money back. Charlotte: Frasier, this... (She pulls out the chair and sits down. He reluctantly sits opposite her) Charlotte: This is a process. I have only sent you out on five dates. Do you cure your patients in five sessions? Frasier: Well, no, but... (She takes a thick binder out of her purse) Charlotte: This client roster is filled with fascinating women. I just signed a new one this morning – botany professor, avid bicycle rider, very striking. But you know what? If you’re going to be so impatient, then we should just end this now, I’ll write you a check. (lifts her purse) Frasier: Well, wait... Charlotte: No, no, no, no, I’m sure you’ll do much better on your own. With $10,000 you can download a lot of love. Frasier: Well, let’s not be too hasty. That striking, biking botanist sounded like me. Charlotte: I don’t know. Frasier: Please? Charlotte: Don’t beg, it’s a turn-off. (She replaced the binder in her purse and gets up) Charlotte: All right. Why don’t I get us some drinks and then we can talk about our next move? Frasier: Great.

    • (A scream of pure, hellish agony rips from the TV. Daphne jerks around to stare, Niles and Martin rear back in horror) Harvest: (enraptured) Oh, look at Cindy glow! Cindy: (on TV) Mother of God, just kill me! (scream) Daphne: (nervously) She seems like she’s in a little pain. (scream) Harvest: Oh, pain is just fear leaving the body. Martin: (staring at the TV) That’s a boatload of fear. (scream) Cindy: STOP THAT DAMN DRUM BEFORE I PUT YOUR HEAD THROUGH IT! (scream) Harvest: She laughed at that afterwards. (scream) Daphne: I’ve seen enough. (She stops the tape, cutting off the latest scream) Harvest: Wait, wait! You’ll see how Cindy pushes through the pain. Daphne: I’m not pushing through anything. I’m having my baby the way God intended – in a hospital, numb from the waist down. (As she escorts Harvest to the door, Martin nods in approval and reaches for his goldfish crackers) Daphne: Now, take your incense and your woo-woo stick and get out. (She shuts the door on Harvest, then turns. Niles is rubbing his nipples again) Daphne: And you, stop acting pregnant – you’re a man, for God’s sakes. (Niles drops his hands)

    • Frasier: (taut singsong) Well, I’m off. Daphne: No, you can’t. Our doula is coming specifically to meet you and your father. Niles: She insists on knowing all the members of the baby’s energy circle. Martin: Oh, what kind of a kook is she anyway? Niles: Harvest is not a kook. (starts rubbing his nipples) She’s assisted at the birth of more than 600 babies – and two giant pandas. Frasier: Well, she better get here quickly – I do have a date. Niles: Another one? Frasier: Yeah. Niles: You’re doing fairly well by this matchmaker. Frasier: Oh, hardly. (drops his coat) A monkey throwing darts at the Seattle phone book would find me a better mate. Hell, a dart-throwing monkey would be a better mate. Martin: Why don’t you fire her? Frasier: Don’t think I haven’t considered it. If tonight’s a bust, I’m going to demand my money back.

    • Date 5: Nah, the cops took my fake I.D., and my dad’ll kill me if I get busted again. So what are you, like fifty? (Frasier has poured himself a big glass of wine) Frasier: Something like that.

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    Notes (4)

    • Laura Linney & John Mahoney appeared together in "Primal Fear".

    • Laura Linney won the 2004 Emmy for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series for her appearances as Charlotte.

    • Originally scheduled to air February 3, 2004. Also scheduled to air March 23, 2004.

    • Laura Linney also voiced the caller Mindy in Season 10's "Kenny on the Couch".

    Trivia (3)

    • Frasier's pining for Charlotte, which started in this episode, was supposed to mirror Niles' pining for Daphne over the first seven seasons. They wanted Frasier to find the same kind of love Niles found with Daphne.

    • Evidence that this episode aired out of sequence can be seen in the fact that Martin is still using his familiar, four-footed aluminum cane. Ronee gave him a new stylish wooden cane in "Boo!" two episodes earlier which he used until the very end of the series. Shots of the old aluminum cane can also be seen in "Crock Tales", but these scenes are all in flashback.

    • When Harvest is talking about her staff, she mentions she has a shaman. She pronounces it shAY-man, when it is in fact shAH-man.

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