A Game of Thrones Tale of the Tape: The Mountain vs. the Red Viper

By Tim Surette

May 26, 2014

[King's Landing. A well-dressed man stands in the middle of a fighting arena before 10,000 screaming fans...]

Laaaaadies and gentlemen... and eunuchs and wargs and dragons and wildlings and Lancel Lannister... from the fight promoters who brought you the Brawl at Harrenahl, the Cray Cray with Walder Frey, and the Personal Attack at Castle Black (sorry, fight promoters in Westeros aren't very good at naming fights), we welcome you to our main event, the Reprimanding in King's Landing, to determine the guilt of Tyrion Lannister in the murder of King Joffrey Baratheon! This fight will be to the death. LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!! 

[Jock Jamz plays]

In this corner, we have...


Name: Gregor Clegane

Nickname: The Mountain That Rides

Champion for: Cersei Lannister, against Tyrion Lannister

Hometown: The Westerlands

Body type: Mountainous, like three men slapped together

Height: Nearly eight feet tall, according to the books

Weight: 420 pounds of muscle, zero pounds of mercy

Princess Bride comparison: Fezzik

Fighting for: Fun!

Known combat skills: Disemboweling, skewering, julienning, mincing, and pureeing, plus he can smash two heads together to make that coconut BONK sound

And in this corner, we have...


Name: Oberyn Martell

Nickname: The Red Viper

Champion for: Tyrion Lannister, to prove his innocence

Body type: Slender and able to wriggle into small places, which comes in handy during his orgies

Height: Normal-ish. The size of one single man. Let's say he's about 5'10"

Weight: Probably like 170, eh? 

Princess Bride comparison: Inigo Montoya

Fighting for: Revenge for the murder and rape of his sister, Elia Martell. ("My name is Oberyn Martell. You killed my sister. Prepare to die.")

Known combat skills: He studied poisons at the Citadel, he's a real tomcat in the sack, he can put blades through the hands of mouthy Lannisters, and he's supposedly a great warrior, but we've never seen fight with anything other than his tongue

Official Braavos betting line: 

The Mountain's legend as the greatest warrior in Westeros has him as an early heavy favorite. The Mountain (-500), the Red Viper (+400). 

ARE YOU EXCITED FOR THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY!?!?!? Who do you think will win?

Please, no book spoilers in the comments!

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  • LiniaNicholl Jun 01, 2014

    I have not read the books, so am only making an observation - my theory is that Oberyn (good with poisons) will have a poisoned weapon (covering all bases that if he does lose - at least the Mountain would also die - even if it would end up a slooooow death).
    However, in an ideal world he will stab the Mountain in a perfectly aimed bolt to the heart (whilst obtaining a confession), kills him.
    However, this been George's world - It ends up been a small wound and the Mountain manages to kills Oberyn (in a rather horrific way). Oberyn is dead and the Mountain has been poisoned - he dies - but slowly and painfully.
    Tyrion is found guilty (because "technically" the Mountain has survived the fight and will be put to death.

    Though - I would like to here pose a question.
    If they were to kill each other - in one of those grappling with each other and stabbing each other simultaneously kind of ways .... What does that mean for Tyrion???

    Is he Guilty - thus he dies
    Is he Innocent - thereby set free
    Is he only Half Guilty - therefore maybe sending him to the wall?? Which whilst not ideal, at least means he is alive??

  • AnthonyGrande May 31, 2014

    Possibly The Mountain has to loose and is taken care of by the Lannister's so not to loose a powerful ally.

    Thing is - someone needs to die so to close books on the regicide by poison.

    Sooo.... the winner is 'outside chance'.

  • adilwiqar May 29, 2014

    Oberyn Martel's spear appears to be poisoned. He makes a way for his spear through The Hound's armour. When The hound's gets all lazy, Oberyn makes him confess that he raped and killed his sister, Elia Martell of Dourne, and her children. He comes near The Hound and the Hound thrashes his sword through Oberyn. Both die.

  • GregDiaz1 Jun 01, 2014

    That would be great, if he was fighting the hound!

  • pyrofox1313 May 28, 2014

    It would be funny if somehow they both died.

  • LeonieOnline May 28, 2014

    I am scared that Oberyn will not survive this fight, which is a shame because I absolutely love him.

  • blackmage8472 May 28, 2014

    Really, Fezzik? Sure you have the size and strength angle but Fezzik in both the book and movie was described as gentle giant. In the book he was deathly afraid of hurting anyone.

  • cabutoyammay May 28, 2014

    Clegane wakes up next to Obi the next morning and wonders just how much he drank

  • RolandoMillanV May 28, 2014

    Oberyn Martell is chilean, you don't mess with chileans

  • TriniMysTic May 27, 2014

    I'm scared for Obi. That Mountain ain't no easy climb. But, I'm gonna go with my dude Obi. I think he can do it. :)

    I'm really excited for this, not gonna lie. Bring it.

  • ted2332 May 27, 2014

    They will both survive, they are fighting a duel not going to a wedding :)
    I hope Oberyn Martell wins, he is a good character in the show.

  • dhaworth May 28, 2014

    You're probably right. But, if either of them enters the ring to The Rains of Castamere...

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