M*A*S*H

Tell it To the Marines

Season 9, Ep 8, Aired 1/12/81
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  • Episode Description
  • Winchester takes command during Potter's absence; and B.J. and Hawkeye try to convince the Marines to grant a hardship discharge to an immigrant soldier, Private Jost Van Liter.

  • Cast & Crew
  • Hank Bradford

  • Harry Morgan

  • Stan Wells

    Jost Van Liter

  • Michael McGuirre

    Colonel Mulholland

  • Denny Miller

    Military Policeman

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  • Trivia & Quotes
  • Quotes (10)

    • (Klinger is serving Winchester his breakfast) Hawkeye: The American soldier travels on his stomach, except for Klinger who travels on his knees. BJ: What do you do know? Taste his food for him? Klinger: Please. There are certain things even money can't buy.

    • Col. Mulhallan: (after Hawkeye gets Jost's story out) Your little Dutch boy is gonna pay for this. When we get him back, he's in for the LONGEST THREE WEEKS OF HIS LIFE! Hawkeye: (in an insulting tone) Well, that's a coincidence. We doctors were just discussing his prognosis. It seems he's come down with a 21 day flu. Isn't that right, doctor? BJ: I'll second the opinion. Col. Mulhallan: You can't do that. Col. Potter: (pointing to his eagle insignia) Maybe they can't, but I believe yours truly can. If you watch the birdie here, you'll get the picture. Col. Mulhallan: I see. I read ya loud and clear. Hawkeye: Oh, but don't worry. We'll tell Jost you send your best wishes for his speedy recovery. Col. Mulhallan: You doctors always cover for each other don't ya? Hawkeye: Thats right. And to quote a phrase that seems to be all the rage, there's not thing one you can do about it.

    • Klinger: Sir, the dark cloud of tragedy has once again enveloped the Klinger clan. BJ: Please Klinger, not another tragedy. It hurts when I laugh. Klinger: I just got word my parents are getting divorced, which means my mother will be deported to Lebanon. I must get home before she leaves. Hawkeye: Of course you must. You've got most of her dresses. Col. Potter: Now now boys, let's give the begrieved the benefit of the doubt. If he wants to apply for a compassionate discharge, the least we can do is show him sympathy. Let's get that form filled out. BOY! (Winchester walks in) Winchester: You rang, sir?

    • (Winchester is playing Wagner in the CO's office as Potter walks in and surprises him) Potter: I left you in charge to conduct business, not symphonies, and not to have my company clerk working overtime in your personal sweatshop! (turns off the record) You and your musical Nazis are officially out of office. Now get along big doggie, get along. AND PRONTO! Winchester: Yes sir. If you will just hand me my trousers. Potter: You are lucky I don't hand you your head.

    • (Potter walks into Klinger's office and sees laundry everywhere) Potter: Klinger. (Klinger accidently sprays Potter) Klinger: Oh! I'm sorry sir. Potter: A simple 'welcome home' would suffice. What's going on here? Why have you turned this place into a Lebanese laundry? Klinger: Oh, oh. These aren't my pants, sir. Potter: Who's the half-nude dude that has you on more depressing duties than your own job? (Music comes from Potter's office) Winchester: Max, slacks. Potter: Ah haaaaaaa. I should have known by the "Luftwaffe serenade."

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    Trivia (1)

    • This episode marks the last time Klinger tries to get a discharge.

    Allusions (4)

    • When trying to get records for Winchester, Klinger says, "I've got two Homer and Jethro albums, but don't worry, I'm trading up." Homer and Jethro were the premiere musical comedy duo of the 1940s, 50s, and 60s. They did parodies of hit songs in country, pop, and rock, winning a Grammy in 1959.

    • Colonel Potter refers to the Wagner record as a "Luftwaffe serenade." The Luftwaffe was the Nazi air force. Hitler liked to accompany his speeches with Wagner records. Today it's illegal to play Wagner in Israel.

    • BJ says Korea is "full of windmills to tilt at," a reference to the classic novel Don Quixote by Cervantes.

    • Hawkeye says, "In the words of the Duke of Windsor, I abdicate my position for the pillow I love." Edward, the Duke of Windsor, gave up the throne for the woman he loved, an American named Wallace Simpson.

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