- Episode Description
Mike decides to take things into his own hands and find out if he is fertile enough to make a baby with Molly. Meanwhile, Vince starts working as a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman.
- Cast & Crew
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- Trivia & Quotes
Mike: Rough day out there today?
Vince: I got more doors slammed in my face than a Jehovah's Witness with a cold sore.
Mike: Did you know the shape of the male sperm can actually determine its value?
Molly: No, I thought they all came pretty much the same shape, like, uh, like Peeps.
Mike: No, golly, no, some are better than others. The optimal sperm has an oval head, a slender midsection, and a tail that moves in a wavelike motion.
Molly: Oh, I had an uncle like that. He was in the Ice Capades.
Vince: I hate people. They're stupid and they live like animals. I got enough hair in my roller to open a wig store.
Molly: Good, so you do have something to fall back on.
Molly: All right, another bottle of Chardonnay for the ladies and one fertility smoothie for the mommy-to-be.
Joyce: Hand over the Chardonnay. No more kids for me.
Molly: Yeah, it's a smoothie, Mom, not a time machine.
Mike: Oh, no, I'm not going to sit in a cold, sterile room with a plastic cup in one hand and an old porn magazine in the other.
Samuel: Unless you have a third hand, you're going to be there a very long time.
Carl: Plus, they've updated the porn. There's Asian, German, French. It's like going through It's a Small World, except all the puppets are humping each other.
Mike: Hang on a second. You mean you've actually donated sperm?
Carl: Hey, there are a lot of childless couples out there. It'd be a crime not to share this genetic treasure chest.
Samuel: And they pay you to do that?
Carl: 75 bucks a pop. That's how I paid for the snow tires on my Blazer.
Samuel: Oh, my God. I'm sitting on a gold mine. And to think how much money has already slipped through my fingers.
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #408.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: February 18, 2013 on CTV