Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide

Trivia, Quotes, Notes and Allusions

Quotes (328)

  • Timmy Toot-toot: You wanted to see me, Mr. Sweeney? Sweeney: No, I didn't want to see you! Timmy Toot-toot: Toot toot! (Timmy lets it out as he leaves and Ned quickly puts on a gas mask while Sweeney coughs like mad)

  • Ned: Forget the coat, we've had classes together since the first grade, and now we won't even have one elective together. What were you thinking? Moze: I was thinking that I'm a girl whose two best friends are guys and maybe it's time to add a best girlfriend to the list. Ned: You have girl friends. (Ned pulls a random girl) You like Moze right? Girl: Yeah, hey Jennifer. Ned: (Ned pushes the girl away) See! Moze: Yeah but I'm thinking of best girl friend. You know, someone to talk about clothes, secrets, boys. (crickets chirping) Braiding hair! Cookie: Oh, I can braid hair. Moze & Ned: Don't admit that.

  • Cookie: We gotta sign in Art to be with Moze. (starts to leave) Ned: Wait! (short pause as Moze walks off) Now!

  • Claire: Claire Sawyer, future lawyer. (Hands Ned her business card) Ned: Claire, I've known you since Pre-K.

  • Ned: If you decide to get a new do before school starts, get it at least two weeks before school. A last minute mom job could earn you a nickname you don't want. (Coconut Head walks up beside Ned) Loomer: Hey, look, it's Coconut Head!

  • Ned: Take that coat off you're gonna get heat stroke. Cookie: No way! Chicks dig the fluffy coat.

  • (Moze leaves the stall as Suzie Crabgrass enters) Moze: Crabgrass. Suzie: Mosley.

  • Crony: Whoa! Mummy!!! Protect the women! (He and Buzz grab sticks and whack the "mummy") Loomer: I'm Loomer! I'm a mummy! Moze: (to Ned and Cookie, about Loomer) Don't worry; he's well padded.

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Notes (367)

  • Tips First Day: Avoid overstuffing backpack. Get a haircut 2 weeks early. Avoid mom crying when you leave home. September=Summer. Stay together with electives. AVOID FLUFFY COATS! No class is ever full... Get teacher approval. Be ready for surprises.(DON'T PANIC!) And don't wear the fluffy coat. Lockers: Sit closest to the door... ...so you can avoid the crowd. Use the "Fast Walk." Keep your locker clean, there can be some unexpected guests. Use "The One Way", when you go to your locker and sometime in the past you've done your first two codes, so you only have to do one code.

  • Moze now has a locker door made of wood for the rest of the series.

  • Originally aired in October, 2003 with Stephan Markham as "Boogie." Recast with Daniel Lee as "Cookie."

  • Tips to Project Partners Get to know the three types of partners: Squirrely Kid, Reliable Friend, and Total Hottie. It's all about teamwork.

  • Martin Qwerly is introduced in this episode, with his name being based off of the title Ned gives him as the type of project partner he is: Smart and Squirelly.

  • TIPS: Bathrooms There is always a super clean bathroom in the nurse's office. Go to the bathroom during class. Be last to leave the locker room.

  • Tips: - In detention, the teacher is your best friend. Stay close to the teacher (to avoid the bullies) - Don't do the crime if you don't want to do time. - With the Questioning Teacher, don't be afraid to raise your hand. For the Boring-and-could-the-clock-tick-longer-teacher, do anything to stay awake. For the Distracting teacher, focus on your notebook or keep your eyes on your work. - Don't kiss up, just do the work. - As a last resort, transfer to another class.

  • Running Gags: Cookie's paper airplane wreaking havoc.

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Trivia (285)

  • After Gordy rams into Mose's locker, slams it shut and destroys everything inside, Mose opens her locker easily without even entering her combination.

  • After Moze drills the drill through the wood shop teacher's hand, they show his hand with the drill through it. However, when he's being wheeled outside, the drill is no longer there.

  • The first episode that Cookie appears. In the pilot episode, Ned has another friend named Boogie, who later on in the show plays Albert Wormenheimer.

  • They introduce the principal as Principal Finback, but in later episodes, the school's principal is named Principal Pal (Introduced in Guide to: Reading/Principals).

  • When we see Loomer in this episode, he has a taller, different Crony, rather than the curly haired one who is in the rest of the series.

  • Chopsaw claims his right hand is the prosthetic one in the earlier part of the episode, but then when Moze drills his hand, it hurts him. If one pays attention, they will notice that the entire time the emergency workers are wheeling him out, he is trying to convince them that it is no big deal and doesn't hurt.

  • When Moze's locker is getting destroyed because Gordy ran into it, she opens her locker and stuff is falling out every where, but a person's hand can be seen pushing her stuff out of the locker.

  • Less than a minute after the woodshop teacher talks about his "prosthetic" hand, he bends his fingers.

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Allusions (110)

  • James K. Polk: The middle school Ned, Cookie and Moze go to is named after the 11th US President James K. Polk.

  • Jenifer "Moze" Mosely is probably named for Henry Mosely, an English physicist born in the year 1887.

  • Ms. Dirga: "I don't care if your locker's on the Ice Planet of Hoth" Cookie can't get to gym on time because his locker is too far away. Dirga tells him that she doesn't care if his locker is on the Ice Planet of Hoth. Hoth is the snowy planet at the beginning of The Empire Strikes Back from the Star Wars series.

  • Ned: To pee, or not to pee; that is the question. It's an allusion to Shakespeare's famous line: "To be, or not to be; that is the question."

  • None: Visual only
    When the students are sitting in Moze's math class wearing protective panchos, you can barely see a student dressed as Gallagher in the back. Another student is dressed like Elvis.

  • School Dance Title: Dances with Wolves "Dances with Wolves" is also the name of a movie.

  • Ned: Dress up as yourself, not someone you see on T.V.
    You can see someone in a Spongebob costume, someone dressed as The Fonz from Happy Days (or Elvis?), and someone who looks like either Madonna or Gwen Stefani.

  • Ned: D'OH
    That's Homer Simpson's catch phrase on The Simpsons.

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