New Girl "Keaton" Review: Batfished
OMG, New Girl, we should probably talk about how it's not okay that even the silly, lulzy Halloween episode was kind of a downer—the latest in a recent string of them—but at the same time, "Keaton" was cracky and good and still a huge improvement over whatever the hell last week's "The Box" was so I'mma let you have it.
Jess decided to throw a Halloween party at the loft, but ran into a volatile guest-list snag when it came time to invite Cece, who refused to put down her bottle of sadness (and probably vodka) if it meant she'd have to see Schmidt. Cece's reluctance to be on the same city block as Schmidt was actually the second justification Jess had with regard to ditching the former fat boy—the first being his general sucky attitude and deli-meat-fueled depression, which aren't exactly conducive to ideal party-throwing parameters.
Jess, of course, is too nice to simply ban Schmidt from his own living space just so she could hang out with his (pirate hooker? Was Cece ultimately dressed as a pirate hooker?) ex-girlfriend, so she went to Nick and Winston for help and learned all about a decades-long experiment in catfishing, started by Schmidt's momma, to help him feel better about his parents' divorce by pretending to be a shiny new penpal in the form of Michael "Batman" Keaton.
At first, it's easy to go all WTF WERE YOU THINKING? on Mrs.Schmidt's butt, but really, how is what she did any worse than parents leaving "Thanks for the cookies!" notes from Santa for their kiddos to find on Christmas morning? It's not her fault that Schmidt is... Schmidt, and the young'un latched on to his super-hero-movie-star bestie, apparently only capable of making good decisions for himself while under the direction of one of Michael Keaton's letters.
Nick understood that with great power comes great responsibility (I know, I know that's Spiderman, okay?) and refused to let Jess wield the power of the Keaton just to get Schmidt to leave her soiree. She opted to ignore him. All was well until Schmidt figured out that he was being scammed. The beauty of Schmidt's discovery, though, was his continued inability to put the pieces together—which, admittedly, would have been a little too terrible and traumatizing for a Halloween episode. Schmidt discovering that Jess was catfishing him, but accusing her not of lying to him, but of hacking the real Michael Keaton's email address, was some of the classic Schmidt delusion that's been missing from the character's recent stories.
Schmidt and Cece are no closer to getting back together—and I'll say it again, wow we dropped Elizabeth super-fast, amirite? I wouldn't even say that Schmidt and Cece made progress this week. If anything, the situation in the loft is worse, with Schmidt taking his Douchebag Jar jar and moving out... to an apartment located conveniently across the hall omg this is going to be amazing.
Schmidt is stuck and Nessy seems to be taking on water with a second consecutive week of Jess doing the exact opposite of what her boyfriend asks, but Winston had a good week, right? Lamorne Morris's David Letterman was delightful and holy crap, you guys, Winston was part of the gang and he interacted with other humans and he had an actual role in the episode's primary story. So happy, yay!
New Girl returns NOT next week, but on November 5 with the tellingly titled "Coach." My spidey-sense is tingling, you guys. Can't wait! See you then! Happy Halloween and all that stuff. BYE.
NOTES FROM THE DOUCHEBAG JAR
– Perfect email address is perfect: "email@example.com"
– Week #2 of no Ferguson in our lives. D:
– How long, you think, until Schmidt moves back in?
– Why is Jess always acting like a brat these days?
– I lol-ed at how slow Nick's scantily clad lady pics downloaded circa 1999.
– "I'll always be a fat boy who eats fat-boy cheese." When are we going to stop blaming Schmidt's problems on his former weight?
– "Jessica Damn Day!"
– Can we talk about how even though on the surface he's a ridiculous human being, when you get past that, Nick seems to be the most loyal and moral of his roommates? As hilarious and weird as the Michael Keaton/Schmidt thing was, Nick's biggest problem with it and with how Jess used it was that it involved lying to his friend. Aww.
What'd you think of "Keaton"?
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