New Girl "Keaton" Review: Batfished

By MaryAnn Sleasman

Oct 23, 2013

New Girl S03E06: "Keaton"

OMG, New Girl, we should probably talk about how it's not okay that even the silly, lulzy Halloween episode was kind of a downer—the latest in a recent string of them—but at the same time, "Keaton" was cracky and good and still a huge improvement over whatever the hell last week's "The Box" was so I'mma let you have it.

Jess decided to throw a Halloween party at the loft, but ran into a volatile guest-list snag when it came time to invite Cece, who refused to put down her bottle of sadness (and probably vodka) if it meant she'd have to see Schmidt. Cece's reluctance to be on the same city block as Schmidt was actually the second justification Jess had with regard to ditching the former fat boy—the first being his general sucky attitude and deli-meat-fueled depression, which aren't exactly conducive to ideal party-throwing parameters.

Jess, of course, is too nice to simply ban Schmidt from his own living space just so she could hang out with his (pirate hooker? Was Cece ultimately dressed as a pirate hooker?) ex-girlfriend, so she went to Nick and Winston for help and learned all about a decades-long experiment in catfishing, started by Schmidt's momma, to help him feel better about his parents' divorce by pretending to be a shiny new penpal in the form of Michael "Batman" Keaton.

At first, it's easy to go all WTF WERE YOU THINKING? on Mrs.Schmidt's butt, but really, how is what she did any worse than parents leaving "Thanks for the cookies!" notes from Santa for their kiddos to find on Christmas morning? It's not her fault that Schmidt is... Schmidt, and the young'un latched on to his super-hero-movie-star bestie, apparently only capable of making good decisions for himself while under the direction of one of Michael Keaton's letters. 

Nick understood that with great power comes great responsibility (I know, I know that's Spiderman, okay?) and refused to let Jess wield the power of the Keaton just to get Schmidt to leave her soiree. She opted to ignore him. All was well until Schmidt figured out that he was being scammed. The beauty of Schmidt's discovery, though, was his continued inability to put the pieces together—which, admittedly, would have been a little too terrible and traumatizing for a Halloween episode. Schmidt discovering that Jess was catfishing him, but accusing her not of lying to him, but of hacking the real Michael Keaton's email address, was some of the classic Schmidt delusion that's been missing from the character's recent stories. 

Schmidt and Cece are no closer to getting back together—and I'll say it again, wow we dropped Elizabeth super-fast, amirite? I wouldn't even say that Schmidt and Cece made progress this week. If anything, the situation in the loft is worse, with Schmidt taking his Douchebag Jar jar and moving out... to an apartment located conveniently across the hall omg this is going to be amazing. 

Schmidt is stuck and Nessy seems to be taking on water with a second consecutive week of Jess doing the exact opposite of what her boyfriend asks, but Winston had a good week, right? Lamorne Morris's David Letterman was delightful and holy crap, you guys, Winston was part of the gang and he interacted with other humans and he had an actual role in the episode's primary story. So happy, yay!

New Girl returns NOT next week, but on November 5 with the tellingly titled "Coach." My spidey-sense is tingling, you guys. Can't wait! See you then! Happy Halloween and all that stuff. BYE.


– Perfect email address is perfect: ""

– Week #2 of no Ferguson in our lives. D:

– How long, you think, until Schmidt moves back in?

– Why is Jess always acting like a brat these days?

– I lol-ed at how slow Nick's scantily clad lady pics downloaded circa 1999. 

– "I'll always be a fat boy who eats fat-boy cheese." When are we going to stop blaming Schmidt's problems on his former weight?

– "Jessica Damn Day!"

– Can we talk about how even though on the surface he's a ridiculous human being, when you get past that, Nick seems to be the most loyal and moral of his roommates? As hilarious and weird as the Michael Keaton/Schmidt thing was, Nick's biggest problem with it and with how Jess used it was that it involved lying to his friend. Aww. 

What'd you think of "Keaton"?

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  • No1Slayerette Oct 25, 2013

    It's a shame that I'm so scrutinizing of the show after the events of "The Box" because it definitely made me focus on the actions of characters in this episode to see if they were morally sound, and unfortunately, majority weren't.

    While Schmidt was being a total doucehbag for his sucky attitude towards life and his roommates (he punched Winston's pumpkin!), it was Jessica Damn Day that thought it was okay to pretend to be Keaton to get what she wanted from Schmidt. And Nick's no better, I mean, 12 years impersonating a celebrity and lying to your friend about it? I do see how all of these is well-meaning though, and the part at the end were Nick said Schmidt doesn't need Keaton because he had him was (although cliché) touching. I want more friendship moments between them. I did feel sorry for Schmidt in the end, especially when he was Cece and those kids beat him up - he found out everything he knows is a lie, and now he's just a scare child that doesn't know how to accept life. I absolutely love the decision he made to move out of the apartment! It shows that Schmidt is actively making an effort to improve is life by going out on his own instead of relying on his roommates. I was a little annoyed he moved so close, but I guess it wouldn't have made too much sense for him to move too far away from the action. Sidenote: will Schmidt need to get some roommates too? How many bedrooms does his apartment have? It would be odd if it only had one, since the one adjacent has four.

    I've often a Winston-hater, but he was quite good in this episode. He was funny, but most importantly, it was done in a SUBTLE way! The writers need to know that having which between being the wise character and the crazy character doesn't work because the two personality traits don't go hand in hand. Small moments like him wanting to be Batman, thinking that The Truman show is about the civil war, and dressing up as David Letterman are far more enjoyable ways to have Winston be funny in comparison to holding a table at a bust restaurant by eating other people's food, or trying to kill a cat. Keep that sort of Winston up, writers!

    I'm surprised Cece's costume hasn't gotten more votes, considering wowzaa, and yes, she was most definitely a pirate hooker, whether that was deliberate on her part or not.

    I love that Jess has a errand tote. I want to buy a bag just to call in that now.

  • LukeTaylor0 Oct 24, 2013

    Theory: The roomies get Coach to move back in with them until they can find a full time replacement for Schmidt to keep rent costs down. Schmidt's depression spiral makes him lose his job, and he needs to move back in with the roomies because he can't afford the solo apartment. You heard it here first.

  • ChanX95 Oct 24, 2013

    Jess is such an eejit but I suppose that fits in with a flat filled with creepy, douchey and man-child.

  • pa-tan Oct 24, 2013

    Loved how Winston was normal non creepy Winston, don't get me wrong I love how creepy he can get but like in all thing in life there needs to be a balance.
    Has the show forgotten about Ferguson?
    Can someone sent Schmidt to a therapist? The guy has major issues he needs to work out. I know it is funnier watch him struggle (how sadistic did that sound?) but sue me I like to get rational sometimes.
    So what was Cece's costume? pirate-hooker? or sexy-pirate? or I didn't-had-a-costume-so-I-wore-a-pirate-hat-and-random-clothes? or who-cares-she-looks-sexy? (probably the last one rigth?)

  • gizma1982 Oct 23, 2013

    The show is getting boring, is so sad.

  • safibwana Oct 23, 2013

    I'd forgive you for mixing two superheroes, but you mixed Marvel and DC. That's just going too far.

  • safibwana Oct 23, 2013

    "Why is Jess always acting like a brat these days?" Well, because Jess is a little bit dumb. Luckily, so is her boyfriend, so it all works out.

  • TriniMysTic Oct 23, 2013

    Lamorne Morris/Winston <3

    We should start calling him Rumpelstiltskin because he stays spinning the stuff he's given (good or bad) into gold lol.

    This was a much better ep than last week's, not as great as the season opener but still good. I'm nowhere near ready to give up on this show. I have faith that New Girl will find its way back to the awesomeness of seasons past. Come on, you can do it :D

  • Mantis82 Oct 23, 2013

    batman mobile!!

  • kanniballl Oct 23, 2013

    - When are we going to stop blaming Schmidt's problems on his former weight?

    Last night's depression bit (sitting on the couch + depressed + binge eating deli meats) was believable compared to the bit the other week (more on that travesty below). When you're depressed you think the worst of yourself, and deep down he was feeling that big loser from college. So if depression hit him hard then I'll buy it that he'll go back to binge eating and calling himself fat.

    As a guy who's been there, it's a spiral. You got big, life in high school became a living hell because you were big, you got depressed and ate more and got bigger, life continued to suck... repeat. Life as a truly big kid really sucks and DOES scar you later in life. So going back into that funk isn't out-there.

    BUT!!!! The other episode where be blamed his whole cheating fiasco on the weight thing was WEAK. Sure, I could somewhat see it... ONLY if he had just very VERY recently lost all of that weight AND those were two random women he just met at a club. But that wasn't the case here.

    Imagine going for a 300lbs loner to a 125lbs confident/handsome due overnight: you'd be hitting those clubs something fierce. Heck you might want to even try dating two women at once. But he's been "fit" for a while now and has dated plenty of women, and those weren't club girls -- they were women he actually cared about. So that excuse doesn't really play into here.

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