Penn & Teller: Bullshit!

The Business of Love

Season 2, Ep 3, Aired 4/15/04
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  • Episode Description
  • Penn and Teller explore the concept of romantic love - a fantasy akin to believing in Santa Claus - and expose the truth that love is a chemical reaction that, like all drugs, wears off after a while. Also: the myth of monogamy, the internet and physical dating industries, and love advice books. Special Guest Experts include: Dr. Julia Hare (Psychologist) Dr. Trish McDermott (V.P. of Romance, Dr. Helen Fisher (Anthropologist / Author) Sherrie Schneider (Author) Dr. David Barash (Professor of Psychology, University of Washington) John Gray (Author)moreless

  • Cast & Crew
  • Penn Jillette


  • Teller


  • Star Price

  • Emma Webster

  • Michael Goudeau

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  • Trivia & Quotes
  • Quotes (11)

    • Penn: [on John Gray's bedroom advice] This "love machine"'s top 20 sexual turn-on lines include such originals as...[monotone] "You are so beautiful", "I love sharing my life with you", "Your breasts are perfect". And, our favorite, "You are so wet".

    • Gray: ...I went on to study psychology, I became a Ph.D in psychology... Penn: He got that Ph.D from Columbia Pacific University. An internet DIPLOMA MILL. That was forced to shut down under accusations of fraud. But that doesn't mean DOCTOR Gray doesn't have good tips for men...

    • Penn: [as John Gray comes on screen the first time] Enter THIS a**hole. You know, we've used that intro in half our shows...and it still makes us laugh.

    • Penn: It's hard to sell yourself in three minutes. These guys aren't professional talkers. What this task needs is carny trash who can turn the tip with some hurry-up! Now, Teller could never do it himself, but he got himself a talker a long time ago. He doesn't even need to speak anymore. I do all his talking for him, and I've had a little practice...I'll give you a Teller pitch in less than HALF the allotted time and leave a little time for long, loving looks in her eyes. [clears throat, to Teller] Put a clock on me. [Teller starts the clock] Howdy ma'am, let me introduce you to Teller of Penn & Teller. Perhaps you've seen him on SNL, Letterman, Leno, or his own megahit BULLSH**! on Showtime. His show Penn & Teller LIVE at the beautiful Rio All Suites Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. Are you gonna settle to settle down, I don't think you should ma'am. You need to shoot for the top. Teller is smart, funny, successful, quiet. Born in Center City, Philly, right near the museum. He was born near culture and he lives culture, loves culture, and just plain loves! He loves his parents, and why wouldn't he? Joe and Irene. Real artists. Teller has the fine arts in his genes and the jingle in his blue jeans with a show he wrote, directed, produced, and stars in called, PENN & TELLER! He added my name to the title just out of kindness. He's that kind of loving guy! Teller's show has toured the world many times over and done TWO smash Broadway runs in New York City. But, now, Penn & Teller at the RIO All Suites Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. Imagine the fun of having all your friends, CALL NOW FOR TICKETS! Teller is a little bit taller than the average 5 foot 9 inch male. He is quite a snappy dresser. You know the lining of the jacket matches the color of his socks, and that's d*mn metrosexual if you ask me! He loves all sports, all hobbies, all activities, and HE CAN COOK! You'll want to stay around for the morning after the night of the first date to have the buttermilk pancakes and his homemade turkey apple sausage for breakfast....[snniiff]...yumyumyum! Make your life with the star of Penn & Teller at the fabulous Rio All Suites Hotel and Casino in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada where he is the fabulous heir apparent to ELVIS! Only better, cuz he can do magic and he won't be found fat and dead surrounded by his own vomit! His name is easy to say, easy to spell: TELLER! Act now and as a special offer for the first 100 respondents, you'll get ME![Teller stops clock] Penn: Now tell us all about you!

    • Schneider: fits the crime! The Rules fits the situations because there's so much misery! Penn: "The punishment fits the crime"??? "So much misery"??? Hello, Judge Sherrie? We're talking about dating! This poor gal's been dumped too many times! I'm not surprised, I know we'd dump her. In fact...let's dump the b*tch right now! [cuts back to Michele's hurrydates]

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    Trivia (2)

    • Other than the ones Penn mentions, the rest of John Gray's twenty "genius" turn-on lines (as shown in the episode) are: "You are my dream come true", "I love you so much", "I love sharing my life with you", "You turn me on so much", "Your breasts turn me on", "I love touching your soft skin", "I love holding you in my arms", "I love your breasts", "I love your legs", "Your lips are perfect", "You feel so good", "You feel so hot", "You are so delicious", "I am all yours", "All my love is for you", "I love having sex with you", and "I long for you".

    • Penn's Teller "pitch" is complete in approximately 1 minute 27 seconds. As he said, that's less than half the allotted 3 minutes.

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