Police Squad!

Trivia, Quotes, Notes and Allusions

Quotes (72)

  • Mrs. Twice: Oh, poor Ralph. And what about my daughter? What am I going to tell her? Ed: Yeah, you're going to have to tell her something. Tell her he went on a long trip. Frank: No, wait a minute. How about a big monster came and took him to Daddy Heaven. Nah. Ed: How about this? He threw himself on a grenade and saved a battalion. Yeah, that's it. Frank: No, wait a minute. He was killed by left-wing insurgents from Paraguay. No, Bolivia Ed: I got it. I got it. He was, he was traded to the Cubs for Reggie Jackson.

  • Jim: Since this is your first time here, can I see some identification, Mr. Twice.
    Ralph Twice: Yeah, sure. Here's my driver's license.
    Jim: Do you have two major credit cards? Uh, thumb print here please. Now, stand on that line and look directly into the camera. Now look to your left and cough. And again. Now, spread your toes, please. And the other foot. Come and see us any time, Mr. Twice.

  • Frank: My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad, a special detail of the police department. There'd been a recent wave of gorgeous fashion models found naked and unconscious in laundromats on the West Side. Unfortunately, I was assigned to investigate holdups at neighborhood credit union. I was across town doing my laundry when I heard the call on the double-killing.

  • Frank: Cigarette? Sally: Yes, I know.

  • Sally: Well, when I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell. Ed: He's the teller, Frank. Frank: Jim Fell's the teller? Sally: No, Jim Johnson. Frank:Who's Jim Fell? Ed: He's the auditor, Frank. Sally: He had the flu, so Jim... filled in. Frank: Phil who? Ed: Phil Din. He's the night watchman. Sally: Oh, if only Phil had been here. Frank:Now wait a minute, let me get this straight. Twice came in and shot the teller, and Jim fell. Sally: No, he only shot the teller, Jim Johnson. Fell is ill. Frank:Okay, then, after he shot the teller, you shot Twice. Sally: No, I only shot twice. Ed:Twice is the holdup man. Sally: Then I guess I did shoot Twice. Frank:So now you're changing your story. Sally: No, I show Twice after Jim fell. Frank:You shot Twice and Jim Fell? Sally: Jim fell first, then I shot Twice once. Frank:Who fired twice? Sally: Once. Ed:He's the owner of the tire company, Frank. Frank:Okay. Now Once is the owner of the tire company and he fired twice, then Twice shot the teller once. Sally: Twice. Frank:Then Jim fell and you fired twice. Sally: Once.

  • Frank: You've been very helpful. We think we knew how he did it. Sally: Oh, Howie couldn't have done it. He hasn't been in for weeks. Frank: Well. Thank you again, Mrs. Decker. Weeks? Ed: Saul Weeks. He's the controller, Frank.

  • Ted: So, Billy, when the moisture in the air comes in contact with the cold pitcher, it forms water droplets. What we call "condensation." Just like on your mother when she gets out of the shower. Glistening with tiny little beads of... oh, hi, Frank. That'll be all for today, Billy. Next week we'll look into some interesting experiments we can do with discarded swimwear.

  • Ted: If the holdup man had been where Sally Decker said, the bullet should have penetrated deeper. Let me show you what we did. These guns are identical to the one that killed Jim Johnson. Watch carefully as I test-fire this gun into these videotapes of Barbara Walters' interviews. As you can see, it completely destroys the Burt Reynolds interview, and everything from Bo Derek to Paul Newman. But only up to the point where Barbara asks "Is it difficult to love?" Now, let me show you what happens when the gun is fired from 3', which is the distance Sally claims the shots were fired from. Notice? Complete destruction, right up to the point where she asks Katherine Hepburn what kind of tree she'd like to be.

Show More Quotes

Notes (16)

  • John Belushi was originally scheduled to play the Special Guest Star dying in the opening credits. He jokingly suggested the show him dead of a drug overdose. They eventually went with his drowning, gangland style. However, when he died two weeks before the episode was scheduled to air, they replaced his death scene with Robert Goulet's.

  • The song being played on the "Holiday Tubas" tape is "Holiday for Strings" by David Rose and Sam Gallop.

  • Georg Stanford Brown, who directed this episode, had a safe dropped on him in the beginning of the previous episode.

  • This is the first chronological appearance of Peter Lupus as Norberg, who will continue to appear in the remaining episodes of the series. He is formally introduced in the fifth episode, which was produced before this one but aired later.

  • Robert Goulet would later portray villain Quentin Hapsburg in Naked Gun 2 ½ : The Smell of Fear.

  • Johnny's Next Customer: A fireman wanting to know the best way to extinguish a furniture warehouse fire.

  • Next Week's Experiment: "Bring in those magazines you found under your father's bed."

  • Ted Olsen's Experiment: Static electricity, "It's just like when your mom takes a dress out of the dryer, and puts it on and it clings to every subtle curve and soft, round..." before he gets cut off.

Show More Notes

Trivia (26)

  • Act Two: Yankees One

  • Opening Credits: Special Guest Star Lorne Greene is stabbed and then thrown out of a moving car.

  • Elevator Gag: It opens out on an airport lounge and a stewardess boards. Then she leaves and a female diver enters. She leaves on another floor and dives into a pool - the water just misses Ed.

  • Johnny's Next Customer: A priest wanting to know about life after death.

  • Next Week's Experiment: Interesting experiments with discarded swimwear.

  • Ted Olsen's Experiment: Condensation, which he compares to "just like when your mother gets out of the shower, glistening with tiny little beads..." before getting cut off.

  • During the Epilogue when Frank tells Al he has something on the side of his month, it can be seen that Al actually spits out the piece of banana he had just eaten.

  • Opening Credits: Special Guest Star George Stanford Brown has a safe dropped on him.

Show More Trivia

Allusions (1)

  • Tuba store names Among the tuba stores named in the episode are "Tuba or not Tuba," referring to the famous soliloquy in Hamlet that begins "To be or not to be..."