Revenge "Addiction" Review: Overdosing on Bad Ideas
Buffets are a pretty cool invention, because you can take whatever you want and no one can stop you. "Hell yeah, I'm gonna grab some of these spring rolls," you think to yourself. But then you spot the mashed potatoes and they look good. The next thing you know, you've got the meal equivalent of an "around the world" party from college. There's spaghetti, a burrito, a salad (to imply that you're healthy), and pudding AND pie. And that's why buffets always seem like such a great idea—because you can sample a myriad of different things, whatever your brain tricks you into thinking sounds good. But about 15 minutes after shoveling nacho-cheese-topped pizza into your mouth, your stomach starts to rebel and you suddenly wish you'd never laid eyes on that damn buffet. And that's what "Addiction" felt like. A lot of possibly interesting moments that, when mixed together, made my insides hurt so badly that I wished Revenge could take it all back.
There were the scheming Grayson siblings; a running storyline about Pascal wanting to put his P in Victoria's V; Emily planning, setting up, and throwing a Monte Carlo-themed charity event in the span of 24 hours; Margaux strong-arming her father into giving her Voulez; Conrad manipulating Stevie into handing over the deed to the manor, a quick trip to Bermuda to catch up with Aiden and Aiden's break-up beard; and a weird bit about Nolan's prison bestie macking on Charlotte, PLUS the episode still found a way to work in Morgan Fairchild. I feel like I'm looking through a kaleidoscope, a device that make things appear fancy and beautiful, but if you stop and think about it, the results are just colorful, organized chaos. Which is also a pretty accurate metaphor for the Hamptons and Revenge as a whole, too.
Let's start with Emily, for no other reason than she's the show's main character and we're supposed to care what she's up to. In order to get information from Pascal, she organized a charity event—with Daniel's credit card, no less—that would benefit a charity close to his heart. After Victoria folded the winning hand during blackjack allowing Emily to think she'd won, Emily found herself invited back to Pascal's room, but both were working a con, each hoping the other would get realllll chatty. I don't know what Emily expected, because it wasn't like Pascal was going to come out and say, "Did I ever tell you about the time I was involved in the David Clarke scandal?" But he was recording their conversation via a well-hidden bug in an Eiffel Tower figurine, and obviously, Emily has dog-like hearing and was able to figure this out immediately. What's Pascal up to? Nevermind, I don't care. Because he's just another character who's going to be gone in a few episodes, the latest in a long line of potentially interesting characters locked in an eternal battle with a storyline that's less than stellar.
I don't give a crap about the stuff happening at Voulez, so it's a relatively good thing that Pascal has agreed to hand over the magazine to Margaux—and just Margaux, no Conrad—after she and Daniel let it slip to Interpol that maaaaaybe there was something fishy going on with the books. I'm only vaguely more interested in Pascal's ongoing attempt to re-woo Victoria, as we learned the two used to be an item before she married Conrad. She met him at a flea market or something while she was studying abroad, which is how all great love stories begin. After she returned to the U.S., he sent her an orchid every day they were apart, which, FYI sometimes orchids smell like death. Like actual death—rotting flesh. I hope Pascal didn't send her those orchids. Anyway, Pascal really wanted to win Victoria back, and by the end of the episode, the two were all about it. I think Victoria might have been suffering from some sort of mental breakdown, because her hair was a hot mess. Like, the hottest mess. Who let her go to Monte Carlo night looking like she'd tried to use a crimper on a perm?
The rest of the episode was one mess after another. Daniel helped Margaux force her father and Conrad out at Voulez, which means she's not going to take the job as editor-in-chief of a magazine in Rome. Emily searched out Aiden in Bermuda because she missed him, but also because she wanted his help in deciphering what "TWM" referred to in Pascal's letter. This says a lot about how Emily operates—she's never going to put her love for someone above her desire for revenge against the Graysons, which is why she's going to end up alone. There's really no happy ending for her at this point, even if Aiden did return to the Hamptons—break-up beard and all—to announce that TWD were his father's initials.
Meanwhile, over at the Southfork Inn, Conrad had a heart-to-heart with Stevie, which felt genuine but was actually just a way to get her to hand over the deed to Grayson Manor so he could give it to Pascal to use as leverage to get into Victoria's pants. Honestly, if Conrad had an honest moment in his entire life, I'm pretty sure his brain would just implode. This, of course, led to Stevie nearly throwing away all of her years of sober living, which was bound to happen sooner or later because her alcoholic past has been mentioned at least once every 15 minutes since she was introduced as a character. This wasn't just Chekhov's gun, this was Chekhov introducing the gun, then taking it out every so often, waving it around in the air, and firing a few warning shots. I'm not sure why more people who cross paths with the Graysons don't have drinking problems now that I think about it.
"Addiction" didn't really do much to move Revenge's overall story forward. It gave the appearance of having a lot going on, but it didn't really come together, and it didn't really advance the plot. We know Pascal was involved in the part of the story that involved Aiden's father and the part he played in the David Clarke scandal, but other than that, the episode was mostly just an excuse to throw a fancy party. It left a sour taste in my mouth, and the more I think about it, the more it makes my insides hurt. There isn't that much time left in this season, so the series would be wise to stop effing around and get down to business.
– Harsh truthiness from Aiden this week when he told Emily he wasn't like Nolan and she couldn't shut him out and then expect him to come running back to help her. Except that's what he did. But the fact that he talked trash about Nolan just made me dislike him even more.
– Daniel don't need no guest list, son!
– Daniel also planted the idea that maybe Jack cared too much about Emily in Margaux's mind. Danny, you're trying so hard and it's so sad. Just get over it. And stop being super into your mom's dating life. You're starting to sound like Patrick.
– Why is everyone suddenly acting like Emily is poor?
– Official ruling on Javier: He needs to go away ASAP. However, his Charvatar or whatever has more personality than actual Charlotte right now, soooo...
– Mason Treadwell is back next week!!!!!
– Nolan's best look this week was obviously the amazing ensemble he wore to Monte Carlo night.
- Comments (85)