True Blood "Almost Home" Review: Farewell, Marquis de Sade
True Blood is making me nervous. Here we are, with so many story threads seemingly wound up: Eric is well. Angel Tara has delivered her message unto Earth. Jessica and Jason are safe from Violet and so totes in love. Where we landed in “Almost Home” was where I thought we’d land in the series finale. So what final shocking twists are hiding just beyond the next Spanish-moss-laden turn of the Bon Temps Parish path? Where can the show go from here?
First off, Sarah Newlin got sucked like a Capri Sun, healing Eric.
Bill and Sookie made a lot of peace with almost five seasons' worth of absolute bullshit.
Violet called Jason to a Murder House by sending images to his flip phone. I know the flip phone was a blast from the past, but considering the timeline of this show it's still roughly Alternate Universe 2008, so it's a little more okay.
Anyway, Violet had composed a tableau of Marquis de Sade-level sexual violence. Actress Karolina Wydra enjoyed an enviable monologue, complete with an un-toppable prop (a red-hot dildo)...
...and then Hoyt swooped in, killed her with a wooden bullet, and simultaneously secured the futures of Adilyn, Wade, Jessica, and Jason. Well done, Hoyt!
Hoyt and Jessica reconnected. It’s a little spoken-of phenomenon, but there’s nothing more undeniable than an adoring ex-boyfriend. In this case, the ex-boyfriend can't even remember Jessica's old bullshit and nasty arguments! No wonder she's folding in front of him like he’s emotional kryptonite. An adoring ex-boyfriend is comfy like a Snuggie and sexy like Fabio, understanding like a school chum while knowing your kinks like a diary. Problematically, Hoyt and Jessica's renewed chemistry came on the heels of Jason admitting he was in love with her, albeit in abstract terms that framed intimacy as a ride in Glinda the Good Witch’s bubble. Sure, I’ll take it.
Meanwhile, with Sarah Newlin pinioned in the Fangtasia basement, the Yakuza Cowboy laid down a verse from Chris Rock's standup ca. 2000: The money isn’t in the cure, the money's in the medicine. Rather than synthesizing and selling a straight-up antidote to Hep-V, he’s going to sell a stop-gap partial cure that will compel Hep-V positive vampires to buy Antidote-Recipe Nu Blood for their entire immortal lives just to keep their disease at bay. Although really, wasn't obsolescence built into Tru Blood Original Recipe? Like, the choice for vampires was either drink Tru Blood or live a life of crime, right? But the show is making a political point about corporate America, and I respect its effort to send a message.
Meanwhile, a frightened family watched a pastor, his wife, and his wife’s nephew do V and saunter through their house. Very patient of them. Lettie Mae and Lafayette and Mr. Lettie Mae got to finally see what Tara had been leading them all toward this season: an Emmy nomination.
J/K but really, what a meaty scene for Adina Porter! She killed it. Tara’s dad was the worst, and Tara almost killed him as a child but didn’t, and what she wanted to communicate to her mother was forgiveness. Also Rutina Wesley looked like a Vanity Fair cover. Gorgeousness!
Hoyt turned up on Jessica’s door with a bag of blood and eyes full of thirst. Erasing the past apparently didn't affect the chemistry between Jessica and Hoyt. Will Jason intervene? Will Jessica try to hook up with Hoyt again, now that there isn't a "batteries included"-type package deal with his overbearing mom?
For those of us who were still white-knuckling through the original Eric-Sookie-Bill love triangle, there was a flutter of remembrance of what Eric and Sookie used to be this episode: Eric chased down Sookie to tell her he was cured, but she was like “Bill Bill Bill blah blah blah” so Eric shot out of there. Oh, Sookie.
Later she chased him down to Fangtasia during daylight hours, and the Yakuza were not happy about it. I’m not sure why the Yakuza were so threatened by a 90-pound lady in Walmart petite wear, but they were really on edge with Sookie, ready to pump her body full of lead if she made one false move. Like, why? They’d already drawn and synthesized Sarah Newlin’s blood, it's not like she was precious cargo. Yet Sookie walking into Fangtasia drew a similar response to seeing, say, a man made of matches walking into a lake full of gasoline.
Eric came to the rescue, pretending to glamour the unglamour-able Sookie. She used the time to read the mind of the Yakuza Cowboy, arguably the smartest instinct she’s had in three seasons, and later burst into the basement of Fangtasia, where she discovered Sarah Newlin awaiting deliverance.
In perhaps the best move Sookie has ever made, she left that bitch tied up to the death carousel. Well done, Sookie, well done.
Later, though, when Sookie brought Jason and Bill to Sarah Newlin to drink of her antidote-laden blood, Bill flat-out refused. What’s up with that? We have two more episodes in the entire series. Bill, stop playing.
If Violet dying, Bill getting his hands on the antidote, and Tara communicating to her mom aren’t part of the series finale, what the hell is? The next two episodes feel weirdly unpredictable, and I can’t wait for them.
... WHAT IS BILL THINKING?!?!?!!
- Comments (150)