True Blood "You're No Good" Review: The Girl in the White Dress

By Lily Sparks

Jul 01, 2013

True Blood S06E03: "You're No Good"


Let me ask you something: Is Alexander Skarsgard aware that “glamour-ing” is a fictitious trait belonging to his character Eric? Or is that just how people respond to him whenever he makes eye contact with them? Alexander Skarsgard asks a barista for a coffee, she probably makes this exact face:


Ginger, Willa... sure, they were “acting” dicknotized by Eric during "You're No Good," yeah their eager agreement to his suggestive proposals was in the script, but do you think the actresses would really react any differently to Alexander Skarsgard striding into their dressing rooms and demanding a thorough sexing from stem to stern? I highly doubt it.

“Sookie all over again” is how Pam described Eric Northman’s latest piece of ass/collateral, gorgeous gubernatorial ward Willa Burrell. True Blood, in finding its Season 6 footing, is looking to the perennially solid ground of Skarsgard's sexual charisma and the proven-successful formula of a young innocent drawn to a sexy vampire. As Pam pointed out in Ginger’s (surprisingly big) home, Willa echoes Sookie’s Season 1 persona: her innocence, her fragility, her eager complicity, her awe of Eric—Willa even had a chastely white gown.


Jason and Sookie’s conversation about the merits and possible racism of their dead parents was among the most confusing this show has ever presented. I’m still unsure of whether Mr. and Mrs. Stackhouse were racist against vampires (or even knew about vampires in their lifetimes), or whether they were hallucinations or legit ghosts. More importantly, I don’t care even slightly. Also the “don’t idealize your parents” bit… hell, idealize your parents if you want. Why not? Project everything you admire onto them and then strive to match that imagined example, if that’s what gets you through. Maybe you’ll end up being a better person than even they were, and if so, great! Even better! That's how role models should work! (And that's why we get so angry when role models wear their horribleness on their sleeves.)

Sookie, btw, was looking haggard. And no, I’m not trying to call Anna Paquin out for the fact she hasn’t eaten bread since that time she taught a goose to fly, what I mean is that in appearing so thoroughly emotionally wracked, her continual expression is one of a wary old woman peeking through her front door all like, “We don’t want what you're selling, we don’t take that paper, I said good day!” It’s good acting! But it’s sort of depressing.


And what happened to her empathy for vampires? One minute she personally wants to guide Jessica through hell and high water back to full-on crazy-mode Billith, the next minute she won’t even hear Bill out about possibly saving 99.9 percent of her friends. Don’t you think it was a bit strange that Sookie’s usual fervor to do right by vampires didn’t kick in even a little? Her knee-jerk refusal to open a vein didn’t feel accurate to me. Although Bill could have been a little more specific about how much blood he wanted her to donate: Are we talking a Pixy Stix’ worth, or are we talking a soda can-sized portion? These things do make a difference.

Bill growled that she was dead to him, and he’s sort of fully justified in that. After years of sticking her neck out for the stupidest of reasons, Sookie refusing to help him synthesize her blood seemed to undermine the last five seasons' worth of her character’s driving motivations. Of course, perhaps what she really wanted was some gentleness—later,  when Fae Ben Flynn helped her clean up her kitchen floor...


 (I am MELTING from the waist down at the thought of a man with a dustpan. THAT is how fairy godfathering is done, you go investigate a crime scene and bring your fairy princess granddaughter back a new boyfriend.)


Ben broke through Sookie’s 1,000-yard stare. If Bill had taken a moment to ask how she was doing, maybe she would have filled a Tupperware for him to take on home. But this scene revealed why Willa is necessary to step in and fulfill an archetype that Sookie has grown out of: The “girl in the white dress-ness” of Sookie has been so stripped. Willa functions as the audience proxy who gives a shit, I guess.

The genius who synthesized TruBlood/could possibly synthesize fairy blood was yet another occasion for exiting showrunner Mark Hudis (who wrote this episode) to bring back classic vampire sexual predatory behavior and show that he's had a big old crush on Jessica all these years. LIKE ALL OF US. Jessica dolled herself up like a manga schoolgirl to ask the blood genius/professor some questions after class (not sure what purpose that really served, as all she had to do was wait for the rest of the students to leave the room and brain him—surely she could have done that in the usual college uniform of “PINK” sweatpants and Uggs?). It was gratuitous sexuality from Jessica, who heretofore always seemed to carry a deliriously accessible edge of awkward along with her hotness (remember Rock Band and blue hair streaks?) that furthers my opinion that Hudis has been bringing it back to vampire basics like the showrunning version of Amy Winehouse. (And btw babies, he was booted from the series, so be on the look out for a tone change when you see “Brian Buckner” in the credits very soon…)

But I need to focus on the task at hand: For some reason the werewolves, including suddenly horrible Alcide, are dead-set on raising Luna in a 4’ x 8’ shed with a double bunk bed (grandma sleeps on top, or... ?) in the middle of the forest. Hilariously, after the police casually mentioned that the increased powers they’ve been given to hunt vampires had stripped ALL citizens of their basic Constitutional right to a warrant before search and seizure, they then walked into a room half the size of a Vegas elevator and were like “Nothing to see here!” I should say not. I don’t see a kitchen, I don’t see a bathroom, I don’t even see a galvanized steel tub for “standing baths.” What the hell?


The latter-day freedom riders then rolled up like a welcome wagon to the werewolves to extend their support, but they quickly learned that werewolves did not want any support, they don’t want anyone acknowledging their existence, they are scared of what is happening to the vampires and don't want it happening to them. This is one of those basic social theory philosophy questions society keeps getting wrong, so it's always good to reinforce the lesson: If you turn your back on an oppressed minority, you open the door for your own rights to be trampled. If True Blood Season 6 is going to become a 10-episode illustration of all the ways this is true, then cool. Of course, it could be (and has been) argued that the analogy crumbled between vampires/misunderstood minority groups when the TruBlood stopped flowing; vampires who necessarily feed on the blood of the innocents cannot be compared to a group of people peaceably living in an alternative lifestyle or ethnically centered subculture without actually implicitly supporting fear-mongering. (Alternate reading: True Blood is a cathartic empowerment fantasy for oppressed groups  to appreciate the damage they could do to society if they sank to the level of their bigoted oppressors.)

The werewolves sure added a layer of complexity to the already uneasy analogy by trashing the hell out of the vampire unity group who was just there to make some Vines. Do NOT approach a werewolf with Google Glass on. They don’t like it. Although after silently bragging about their abs:


... it seems like Alcide SORT of got things under control? Or he at least refused to let harm come to the mind-numbingly photogenic Jurnee Smollett. Don’t hurt her! She’s too pretty. Sam used the moment to save Luna, a young child, while naked. Well done, Sam. Sam’s plotline this season has been mercifully infused with Lafayette, who basically told him to his face, “You’re played out and boring, I’m your new scene partner,” and Sam was like “Phew thank goodness.” This is nothing but good news for eyeballs and ears everywhere.


Also, the Newlins reunited in a scene that reminded me of a high school production of Guys and Dolls, and the whole time I kept thinking, if you hate your wooden ex-wife so much just kill her, Steve. Use your superfast vampire skills to whip across the room and snap her neck. I’m not sure what tomfoolery explains why Steve Newlin is such a docile captive; he doesn’t appear to be suffering a UV bullet or silver injections. In a room where there's a doctor with a syringe on one side and Steve with his fangs on the other, the doctor should be the one who's scared, right?


You know who else should be scared? Andy Bellefleur should be scared. Daughter 1, Daughter 2, Daughter 3, or Daughter 4 may be at risk, now that Bill’s smelled the teddy bear that’s probably oozing with their fairy smell (a weird thematical call back to Warlo smelling Sookie’s bandaid in the backseat of her parent’s car). So maybe Andy’s middle-aged man drama will finally serve a purpose to the storylines we watch with our eyes fully open, that would be a first.


So all in all: I’m actually really excited about the overarching conflicts—the “outing” of weres and shifters, the place of supes in society, and the relentless persecution of vampires. I’m EQUALLY invested in watching Bill and Eric’s separate attempts to solve them (kidnapping and blackmail, kidnapping and fairy-blood synthesis). Right now, Sookie has actually sort of alienated herself on tiresome plotline island, but luckily she’s sharing it with Rutger Hauer so it’s actually not even that tiresome. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? [Smash cut to edgy rock song with thematic tie in. ]


QUESTIONS:

... Is Jason dying this season or what?

... Are you excited or shrugging about Mrs. Newlin’s return? Is she valuable only for her costume potentiality?

... Who put the bug up Sookie’s ass and will it thrive or suffocate?

... Andy’s daughters: four little vampire Capri Suns waiting to happen?

... Is Eric going to kill the dicknotized Willa or no way Jose?

... Alexander Skarsgard basically glamours people all day everyday in real life, right?

  • Comments (211)
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  • shae_SA Jul 03, 2013

    Is Bill now a charmed one?

  • Dirk13 Jul 03, 2013


    "if you hate your wooden ex-wife so much just kill her, Steve. Use your superfast vampire skills to whip across the room and snap her neck. I’m not sure what tomfoolery explains why Steve Newlin is such a docile captive; he doesn’t appear to be suffering a UV bullet or silver injections. In a room where there's a doctor with a syringe on one side and Steve with his fangs on the other, the doctor should be the one who's scared, right?"

    Preeeetttty sure he had silver handcuffs on....you did watch the episode, yes?

  • LilyRoRoSparks Jul 04, 2013

    Eh if you watched seasons 5 & 4 there is PLENTY a vampire can do even with silver contact. Remember Jessica going to meet the sun even with silver chains draped all over her? Remember Eric and Bill busting out of the trunk of a car despite being covered with a silver net? A pair of dinky silver handcuffs should be an inconvenience to the range of his arm motion at best.
    OH WAIT BOTH OF US ARE WORSE THAN NERD GUY FROM SIMPSONS FOR HAVING HAD THIS CONVERSATION AT ALL GOOD DAY SIR.

  • Dirk13 Jul 09, 2013

    Jessica was possessed by a Witch's spell, and Eric and Bill are a lot more powerful than Steve Newlin (assuming they busted out on their own from sheer force of will).

  • LilyRoRoSparks Jul 04, 2013

    This comment has been removed.

  • Dirk13 Jul 03, 2013

    Ehhh Ben is boring, I don't care if he's holding a dust pan, he's some transparent and obvious romantic plot device just tossed in there it feels like.

  • Dirk13 Jul 10, 2013

    Him suddenly being Warlo doesn't really make me feel much different, I'm still waiting for Sookie to fall for a badass vampire hunter who has a good head on his shoulders and some vampire friends despite being tasked to hunt them and werewolves and stuff......because yeah, that's my plot idea :P .

  • LizRific Jul 03, 2013

    you said Luna, but I think you meant Emma. But also, I agree that the only thing I was thinking while Sam was rescuing her was how inappropriate it was that he was naked in front of that little girl.

  • marcusmiller11 Jul 03, 2013

    I have not real all of the comments but I know I'm not the only one that can see that Ben and Warlow are the same person. Right...?

  • tnetennba Jul 03, 2013

    They're trying so hard to make it look like he is that I'm starting to suspect that he isn't.

  • chuuuuck Jul 02, 2013

    I missed these reviews.

  • ManuelValero Jul 02, 2013

    This season is a bit lacking of sense of adventure except for a little touch here and there. Just 10 episodes and we watched 3 already...a very short season , i expect a very action packed story development and less useless subplots.
    I really want Pam to go back to her previous sassy self, i just don´t understand why they made her so painfully bitter, she´s never been like that plus i expected the whole Pam/Tara thing gonna be epic (Tara finally being all awesome and moving from her former pathetic self) but they both seem marginal characters now.
    About the fairy hunk, he´super hot but i found him totally unnecesary ...frankly i don´t know why they always gotta give Sookie a love interest by force, is just so out of place and it´s getting old, i know she´s a fairy but honestly: Bill, Sam, Erik, Alcide AND now this guy? She´s not that hot.
    Erick is just awesome this season, i love the way he is willing to do anything to survive and stop the genocide, i think he and Bill are in the same page and i want them to team up eventually. Jessica is just great too she´s probably one of the strongest characters this season, her character seem to grow and grow.
    About Jason i really think there´s something happening to him: allucinations, now some kind of seizure, Is he turning into something else? Is he fatally sick? I found him funny but his character is stuck and i hope they come out with something good this season for him.
    I want more Lafayette, he´s one of the best secondary characters and in many levels superior to most of the main characters. He´s a witch i hope him to use his powers and serve some awesomeness. About Sam, well i like Sam but he´s just pointless this season...the werewolves too , they feel forced into the storyline, i wouldnt mind the occasional cameo but this season should be about the vampires and secondly the fairies/Warlo thing...other creatures are out of place. The show is great still but you can feel the actors a bit less enthusiastic and kinda tired somehow.

  • MintberryCrunch Jul 02, 2013

    I know finding logic amidst this crazy show is sometimes pointless but why are Andy's kids growing so fast and yet Sookie has a normal development cycle?

    I suppose she just got the human growth gene and they all got the fairy one?

  • ionee24 Jul 02, 2013

    Andy's kids are full fairies. Half faes grow at Sookie's and Hunter's rate, the fact they grow faster means Andy's girls are more fae than human.

  • Shreela Jul 03, 2013

    So Andy is fae too?

  • ionee24 Jul 03, 2013

    It's more likely he's not the father...

  • Mey Jul 06, 2013

    Andy is the father according to Maurella who shrieked-glowed the babies into the world, but *she* is full fae which makes her babies 50/50. Both Sookie's parents were human, she's fae *bearing*, not half or 2/3 fae like most other ‘hybrids’ we’ve met have been presented as; she even reminded her small fae blood percentage in this episode. No need to rewrite the show to deduce a viable answer ;p

  • MintberryCrunch Jul 02, 2013

    Also did anyone else wonder why if Sookie's royal blood is so amazing to Warlo, why the big king granddad fairy doesn't seem high on his list of priorities.

    Again I know this show doesn't really have to hold to logic but I'd be interested to hear some theories/explanations.

  • ludoTV Jul 02, 2013

    I recall some bit of fairy mythology (which I am not well versed on) about female fairies being more valuable because they carry the fairy gene more (or something). This may explain why Andy's daughters who are 50% fairy (vs. I think Sookie is only 1/8th) are growing so fast? I've also wondered if the rapid growth is related to the different way time works in Faeryland vs. Bon Temps (Sookie lost a year while she was away for a few minutes)

    I think both Warlo and Niall want Sookie to breed more fairies, Warlo just to have more fairy juice and Niall to have royal descent... Apart from being 1/8th fae, Sookie has some special fae quality I think that is somehow rare or special...

  • vivyrox Jul 02, 2013

    love this season so far!!! Loved the review...keep it up :))

  • MHeyward2006 Jul 02, 2013

    Random: I think Jason is finally turning into a panther. Although they threw that plot line by the wayside awhile back, they seem to be addressing some of those loose ends and this seems like one of them.

  • Shreela Jul 03, 2013

    I'd be game for that happening!

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