Two and a Half Men

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

Season 5, Ep 1, Aired 9/24/07
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  • Episode Description
  • Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he advances to junior high. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in trouble.

  • Cast & Crew
  • Jon Cryer

    Alan Harper

  • Angus T. Jones

    Jake Harper

  • Conchata Ferrell


  • Charlie Sheen

    Charlie Harper

  • Kris Iyer

    Dr. Pranjeep

  • Fan Reviews (4)
  • A nice opener to the new series

    By j19000, May 07, 2008

  • Loved it possible spoilers

    By ferriswheel01, Mar 01, 2008

  • Another great episode.

    By chocboywonder, Oct 05, 2007

  • A good episode SPOILERS

    By sfaberge, Oct 01, 2007

  • Trivia & Quotes
  • Quotes (10)

    • Alan: I hope [Jake] didn't wander under the bleachers during lunch hour. Charlie: Ah, he's smarter than that. Alan: Smart? Charlie, he only got out of 6th grade because he couldn't fit in the desks anymore.

    • Charlie: Face it, Alan. When the good Lord was handing out courage, you were crouched in a locker, peein' on your gym socks.

    • (holds up a camera) Alan: Smile. Jake: About what? Alan: I need a current picture in case you go missing. Charlie: Alan, you're being ridiculous, they never find those kids.

    • Alan: Oh, I almost forgot, I got you a little present: your very own cellphone. Jake: Ah, cool! Alan: Now, the important thing to remember is that this is not a toy. It's to use in emergencies only. Jake: "Emergenies?" What emergencies? Charlie: (whispering) "Dad, come get me. I'm stuffed in my locker and my underwear is wet." Alan: That only happened once.

    • Alan: You'll see things will go great for you. You just have to remember a few things. Jake: Like what? Alan: Well, er, always keep your lunch money in your shoe, but have some spare change in your pocket. Jake: How come? Alan: Decoy money. They won't stop hitting you til they get something. Jake: Who are "they"? Alan: The big kids holding you by the ankles and plunging your head into the toilet. Jake: Plunging my head into the toilet?! Charlie: Don't freak the kid out, Alan. It's not so much "plunging" as "dipping".

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    Notes (3)

    • The German episode title is "Ziege bleibt Ziege", meaning "Once a Goat, Always a Goat". The French title is "Le grand saut", meaning "The Big Jump". The Italian title is "La paura fa novanta", meaning "The Fear of Being Ninety". The Spanish title is "Pájaros Grandes, Arañas y Mamá", an exact translation.

    • International Airdates: Norway: August 20, 2008 on TV3; Slovakia: January 18, 2010 on Markiza

    • When Charlie, Alan and Jake are walking to the bus stop, behind them is the house used for the television series Bewitched.

    Trivia (4)

    • When Julie stands next to Mike, she's on his left. In the next shot, she's on his right.

    • Jake acts like he never had a cell phone before. Yet, he had one in "Once With Aunt Sophie".

    • We learn Alan's ringtone is Für Elise by Ludwig von Beethoven.

    • Alan says the title Large Birds, Spiders and Mom in this episode.

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