Under the Dome "The Endless Thirst" Review: Well, THAT Escalated Quickly

By Tim Surette

Jul 30, 2013

Under the Dome S01E06: "The Endless Thirst"

Let's get this out of the way NOW: Under the Dome was renewed for a second season yesterday! Let's all give Officer Linda a round of applause! There's no denying that the series is a smash hit ratings blockbuster of epic proportions that's dome-inating the summer and propelling CBS to a level of arrogance that even it hasn't seen before. And yes, many people who are more forgiving than myself believe that the show has improved in recent episodes. Fewer phone-charging parties and more gigantic bombs will do that. But let's not go overboard here, fellas and fellettes. Under the Dome is still a spectacle of follies, and last night's "The Endless Thirst" continued the clumsiness. 

I think the citizens of Chester's Mill are finally beginning to realize there's a dome over their heads, and that they're trapped inside it, because "The Endless Thirst" was all about being so gosh-darn thirsty and hungry that it was necessary to give the local waitress a home-run swing with a baseball bat for a few frozen hamburger patties. It wasn't long ago that order ruled and the townspeople could still sit in Rose's diner to order their Denver omelets while the dome loomed ominously overhead. But now? TOTAL SHITSTORM.

I LOVED how it all started when hallucinating Alice strolled into the street and an appliance truck—probably delivering a washing machine to Junior's house so he can keep his new cop outfit in tip-top shape (are people really working right now?)—crashed right into the town's only water tower. Talk about really, really, really unfortunate luck! Big-time oopsie. And because Under the Dome is only barely a serialized show that's been pressured into telling easily digestible hour-long stories, there was no time for gradual uprising. Put a tiny idea of water shortage into one man's head and it spreads like Chlamydia on Rock of Love. Things got bad in Chester's Mill lickety-split. The panic button wasn't just pressed, it was smashed with a Wac-a-Mole mallet. The townspeople who just last week were bonding beneath the old abandoned cement factory were now at each others' throats over a can of fruit cocktail. It was a full-on, fist-throwing, white-people riot, and it was a glorious sight.


And how great! It's about time the gravity of their situation dawns on the stupid people of Chester's Mill. In the real world, there are people hoarding canned food and shotgun shells because they don't believe our president has a U.S. birth certificate, but in the world of Under the Dome, a meningitis outbreak, a loony gun-totin' cop on the loose, and the military dropping a megaton bomb on thee roof weren't enough to slap reality in people's faces? That's not even counting that impenetrable dome that has halted their contact with the outside world. These people all deserve to die. 

But there are two types of people in Chester's Mill. The main cast and an angry mob. And while the angry mob was busy angrily mobbin', most of the main cast was making an effort to increase the peace. Big Jim was appeasing the only farmer who had a working water well by trading him lots of propane (how much propane did this farmer need, anyway?). Junior was pointing his gun at people in the store. Barbie was working out some murderous issues on some particularly rambunctious rioters. And Linda was sauntering around Main Street trying to keep order with some really, really terrible acting. But our heroes' efforts were for naught. Peoples was hungry and thirsty and they weren't gonna stop punching until they were satiated!

But Just when Chester's Mill had become a Royal Rumble with people beating the tar out of each other in the middle of the street, the dome intervened. The holy, glorious dome showered the people of Chester's Mill with drinking rain, and everyone's anger was washed away and replaced with soggy-clothed hugs and moist hand shakes. Yes, men who just minutes ago were punching each other in the face were now kissing. And Big Jim drove up onto the scene (as Big Jim always does, seriously he just pops up at the perfect time) and shouted, "It can rain! It can rain inside the dome, woohoo!" He literally "woohoo!"'d. "Hey this rain came out of nowhere, alright!" And then he high-fived some random people. "Don't just stand there, grab a bucket and grab a trash can and we can save every drop we can!" This actually happened on a multi-million-dollar budgeted show! Hank Schrader actually said that!

Dodee called the unseasonable precipitation a "microclimate," but we all know better (mostly because the episode never once panned the camera up to look at the clouds). I'm now convinced the dome is an eerie manifestation of some supreme being's tween daughter that begged her father for Chester's Mill as a pet, and she's not so good at taking care of it. But she does just the bare minimum to make the people dependent on her. Kind of like when you got that Tamagotchi and it was really fun for a few hours and then a couple days later you got a message that it was about to die, so you pressed a button and it sprung back to life. And hey, that works for me as an explanation. 


Elsewhere, there were two awesome side stories that kept things really mild. Diabetic Alice's decision not to scoop up some insulin really bit her in the diabetic ass, and Norrie took it upon herself to loot some houses looking for some of that sweet, sweet blood-sugar stabilizing nectar. Eventually they found some. So that was that story. 

In the other awesome plot, Bad Luck Angie kept her streak of terrible fortune going. Snuggle time with Junior was over, and when they realized the bomb hadn't killed them, they went back to being America's favorite dysfunctional couple with Junior creepily threatening her and Angie smashing him in the face with a snow globe. Have we ever considered that maybe Angie is the crazy one, and not Junior? She's got to be bipolar or something, right? What kind of weirdo has sex with a guy, then screams at him, then cuddles with him after being kidnapped by him, THEN uses seasonal ornamentation as a weapon on the side of his head?


Sorry, but I'm putting the blame on Angie here. Team Junior all the way. Anyway, she ran away and then got knocked out by looters (and then maybe raped, and if she's not a lesbian by the time this whole dome thing is over, then she has a really short memory because men sure treat her like garbage), and then what do you know? She ended up right back in the hands of Big Jim. Jim wanted her to keep quiet about the kidnapping in exchange for anything she needed, but Junior walked in and was like, "What's going on here?" And there's your cliffhanger. Does Junior think Angie is cheating on him with his dad? I hope so. And I hope they solve the problem by putting Angie back in the basement. 

"The Endless Thirst" wasn't all that endless. In fact, it should've been called "The 45 Minutes of Being Somewhat Parched." But the episode did finally give us the dome-related panic that we've all been asking for, and it totally went balls-out. People were beating each other in the streets! Old men were running around with lanterns and aunts were scurrying away with lanterns! So that's the positive to take away from the hour. As for the execution? Boy oh boy. Not good. Next week: The dome has a baby! 



ADDEN-DOMES

– We should also talk about Dodee's screech-locating frequency-triangulation gizmo that went wacko when she pointed it at Joe and Norrie, indicating that they might be the "source" of the dome. Okay. Sure. I guess that makes Joe and Norrie the "Adam and Eve" of our supreme being's daughter's experiment. Maybe she wants them to breed? No pressure, Joe!

– I mean, that opening scene, right? This show is edited in the worst way. So much post-production dialogue, so much overlayed audio, and so many jumpy, anticipatory shots all over the place to hurry things along that they made me physically ill.

– Barbie and Julia finally made out. In the rain. I liked how she went out for a drive and found Barbie walking in the middle of the street during a heavy rainstorm instead of under the awnings on the sidewalk, and then she honked "beep-beeeep-beep" when she pulled up behind him. So much for her gross husband! It's Vegas rules now. What happens in the dome stays in the dome.

– How many more episodes until the Cult of the Holy Dome is created and starts recruiting members? Sign me up for that shit. This dome wants to provide for its flock. Crazy Reverend Firestarter wasn't far off. In a side note, I really miss that old kook.

– That appliance truck that crashed into the water tower? "King's Appliance." Nice nod to Stephen, but I wonder if he's just like, "Ugh, no thanks." 

– Did you ever see Ed Wood? Remember that part when Ed was directing a scene, and they did a first take and it was terrible, and Ed said, "Perfect!" I think that's what happens in every scene of Under the Dome

– "Are you sure a diabetic lives here?" Joe asked, as if he was talking about a unicorn and not one of the millions of people living with diabetes in this country.

– How about lighting all those dead fish on fire and having yourself a seafood BBQ?! Turn this panic into a party! When life gives you dead fish, make some deadfishade. 

  • Comments (393)
Add a Comment
In reply to :
  • BarbieloveJulia Oct 15, 2013

    I found a very good, romantic show that should keep us until Season 2 of Under The Dome.

    Beauty and the Beast': Jay Ryan and Kristin Kreuk talk Season 2 romance in 'Kidnapped. I love it, its worth your time.

  • SergiDomenge Sep 04, 2013

    OMG!! How hilarius was it when Angie scaped from Junior at her house and in the next shot she appears running in the WOODS!!! where no one can find her?!?!?! instead of going into the village, so, maybe, she will run into anyone passing by?

  • GirishKrishna1 Aug 14, 2013

    I think this show is terrible tbh, but victim blaming now? Nice going, Tim. You really stoop low.

  • christinepark2 Aug 13, 2013

    Did you read the book?

  • GirishKrishna1 Aug 14, 2013

    You're a fan of Hunger Games, aren't you!

  • PhilipBaker1 Aug 08, 2013

    I feel like up until the missile hit the dome, the townspeople didn't panic because they all were under the delusion that the dome was going to go away or that they would figure something out. Reality hit pretty hard, and thus the panic got out of control. The pacing of the show really doesn't strike me as odd.

  • tv_gonzo Aug 05, 2013

    Why is there wind inside the dome? Where was this truck going? Did someone suddenly decided they need appliances? Basically it's a great idea to drive any gas powered vehicle under a giant freaking dome. Has Barbie the most impecable timing in all of history? Is he just lurking around somewhere until something happens? I think he may even be the cause. Otherewise he can't possibly be everywhere there is trouble. The riot was so poorly portrayed. It looked like an educational video for work or school, how things can get out of control. Angies doubts about her word against Juniors, who now is a cop, would have been more compeling if the insane wouldn't come out of Juniors eyes. I mean, everbody looking at that guy for like a minute can see he is not an example for mental stability. Not even Joe and Noris sidequest was any good this week. Why was that guy lurking around in his garden with a rifle? Is he standing there all day to wait for someone who tries to steal his insulin? I mean i get what the episode tried to say, but it did in such a horrible horrible way. Shouldn't cops wear some kind of protective gear, say a gas mask, when they dispersing tear gas? What was it that Sheriff Linda said? Sparks flying? Wasn't Julia still married. Like 2 days ago. Worst episode so far.

  • gem-in-eye Aug 02, 2013

    I can't believe how many people on here think its funny that Angie was kidnapped hahaha, she may have been raped hahahaha, she runs back to her kidnapper (which happens) hahahaha, oh no, someone might think she's cheating and maybe she's just crazy hahaha, lets lock her up again in the basement cause she went crazy from being locked up there before hahahaha. Crazy or not imagine that was your sister or friend. Maybe they should have given her to that family that keep three woman in a basement for years, wouldn't that be funy, hahahaha. :( And women just don't become Lesbians because a few men treated them like shyt.

  • isparkle Aug 05, 2013

    I agree with you on all this. I didn't think it was remotely funny. Pretty disturbing really.

  • gem-in-eye Aug 06, 2013

    I was hoping to get a response from Tim,see what his thoughts were behind the article he wrote, but nada

  • DinChild Aug 06, 2013

    I thought it was damn hilarious. The concepts you're proposing are inherently disturbing, yes. They are depraved in and of themselves. But because this show does such a terrible job of developing characters, fleshing them out, and having them connect with non-gullible viewers, it comes off forced, ridiculous, and laughable.

    This argument is the same nonsense that was raised with Revolution when Tim thought it was funny to count how many times Charlie, the female protagonist, got punched in the face. Revolution apologists argued that it was repulsive to joke about abusing women. Truthfully, it only made it all funnier.

    I never laughed during any abuse/rape scene while watching Spartacus. Why? 'Cause the show did an amazing job of creating real, three dimensional characters that you could connect with. Characters that made logical, believable decisions that shaped the story.

    Ultimately, the people in Under the Dome (insofar as the show depicts them) are retarded. And not the new colloquialism for "retard." They have legitimate down syndrome. And that shit's not funny.

  • gem-in-eye Dec 12, 2013

    I'll ley my friends sister know it's okay to laugh at rape on tv if the characters are un-developed and stupid. Thanks for that clarity, she'll be so happy. Maybe even re-watch the episode in a new light.

  • MatthewRaiche Aug 02, 2013

    It's "more forgiving than me." Not "more forgiving than myself."

  • nasiafan Aug 02, 2013

    "These people all deserve to die," and deadfishade, hilarious. But I feel so bad for Angie. I was getting so upset when they were just hanging out in the diner, I knew something bad was about to happen. Then the front door was getting broke in and I'm thinking leave out the back door or hide. Not the time for locked up no energy Angie and old lady Rose to stand their ground, especially not knowing what crazy looters were breaking in.

    Barbie you should have told them upfront about Jr randomly attacking u and then he probably would have never been made a deputy. The chic in charge listens to everyone else and surely would have listened to Barbie. Finally panicking, ugh, bout time. All the secrets are gonna get people killed. Can't wait. I will not be back for a next season of this junk, but will finish this out.

  • Red_Diamond Aug 02, 2013

    Now that was an episode!! Poor Rose, it was painful to watch how she died. Now, I have two characters to root for. Barbie and Angie...

  • See More Comments (118)