Writer:	Alan Alda
Director:	Alan Alda
Star:	Jamie Farr (Corporal/Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger),  Loretta Swit (Major Margaret J. "Hot Lips" Houlihan),  Alan Alda (Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce),  Mike Farrell (Captain BJ Hunnicut (Season 4-11)),  David Ogden Stiers (Major Charles Emerson Winchester III (Season 6-11)),  Gary Burghoff (Corporal Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Reilly (Season 1-8)),  Harry Morgan (Colonel Sherman T. Potter (Season 4-11))
Recurring Role:	Patricia Stevens (Nurse Baker),  Roy Goldman (Goldman)
Guest Star:	Michael Talbott (G.I. #2),  Larry Gilman (G.I. #1),  Robin Riker (Nurse Perry),  Frances Fong (Rosie)

Alan Alda received an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series. (edit)

Father Mulcahy: I just came from visiting Radar. Now Hawkeye, please accept this in the spirit intended. I know you're under a great deal of pressure here, and I wanted to know just one thing: Have you lost your mind?!
Hawkeye: Father, you don't know how sorry I am.
Father Mulcahy: You have a young boy lying there, with tubes running through his body. . . and you call him a ninny?!
Hawkeye: Father. . .
Father Mulcahy: I'm incensed! I'm outraged!! Where's your decency, man, your. . . your humanity?! I am acrimonious!! I'm not usually given to physical demonstrations of emotion, but let me tell you, this act provokes me toward violence!
Hawkeye: Why don't you go ahead, Father!
Father Mulcahy: Why, I think I will! [kicks the Swamp stove]
B.J.: Glad you let it out, Father.
Father Mulcahy: On the contrary, this has been most disconcerting, and if you want to know the truth, it's entirely possible I've broken my toe!!
B.J.: [to Hawkeye] You have a profound effect on people! (edit) [Refusing Hawkeye's apology...]
Radar: You know, I don't need you to tell me what's what! I know what's what just as well as you do, so why don't you just crawl back in your bottle of booze and pickle yourself?! (edit) Radar: How come?
Hawkeye: Well, I always wanted to barf on Ouijongbu, and I figured the time was ripe.
Radar: Wouldn't be anything else, would it?
Hawkeye: [now annoyed] No, unless half my blood came out of a Scotch bottle.
Radar: I wouldn't know anything about that, I'm not a doctor.
Hawkeye: But I am, so I'm not allowed to be human, is that right?
Radar: You walked out on a patient, and Major Winchester had to finish for you!
Hawkeye: So? I would have done the same thing for him if he was sick.
Radar: But a lot of people don't look at it as though you were sick, Hawkeye! A lot of people look up to you here. They admire you and they want to be like you, and gee, when you walk out on an operation, they feel you let them down. If they can't depend on you, then maybe there's no point in depending on anything.
Hawkeye: Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks?! Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood...in the blood of children?! I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then...then the hell with it! How dare you?! The hell with your Iowa naivete, and the hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear, and while I'm at it, the hell with you! Why don't you grow up, for crying out loud?! I'm not here for you to admire! I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder, impossible without going crazy!! Period!! (edit) Radar: I don't think this place is turning out to be that great an experience for me. I mean I work under terrible pressure and everything and there's a lot of death and destruction and stuff but outside of that I don't think I'm really getting much out of it. (edit) Potter: What the hell's the matter with you?! Are you nuts?!
Hawkeye: I think I might be, yes...
Potter: I think you are! I no sooner give you one lecture about one patient, and then you go in and try to destroy another! Maybe we should aim you at The Chinese?! (edit)

Alan Alda received an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series. (edit) One of the few times that Hawkeye ever saluted anyone was after he gave Radar his purple heart. The next (and last) time he salutes Radar is in the episode "Goodbye Rader, Part II". (edit)

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