Second Swallow-Savvy Guard / The Black Knight / Peasant 3 / Sir Lancelot the Brave / Taunting French Guard / Tim the Enchanter
Patsy / Green Knight / Old Man from Scene 24 (Bridgekeeper) / Sir Bors / Animator / Gorrilla Hand
Dennis's Mother / Sir Bedevere / Left Head / Prince Herbert / Cartoon Scribe
King of Swamp Castle: Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.
King Arthur: Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder?
Tim: There are some who call me... Tim.
King of Swamp Castle: We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.
Prince Herbert: But I don't like her.
King of Swamp Castle: Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.
Tim: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor! For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it... and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair! So! Brave knights! If you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth...
King Arthur: What an eccentric performance.
French Soldier: Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!
God: Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.
King Arthur: Good idea, O Lord!
God: 'Course it's a good idea!
Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.
King of Swamp Castle: When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England.
Minstrel: Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis...
Sir Robin: That's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.
King Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
King Arthur: Well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.
God: Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"...
King of Swamp Castle: You only killed the bride's father, you know.
Sir Lancelot: Well, I didn't mean to.
King of Swamp Castle: Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head.
Sir Lancelot: Oh dear... is he all right?
King of Swamp Castle: One day, lad, all this will be yours. (gestures at window)
Prince Herbert: What, the curtains?
King of Swamp Castle: No, not the curtains, lad, all that you can see stretched out over the valleys and the hills! That'll be your kingdom, lad.
God: What are you doing now?
King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, they're so depressing. Now knock it off!
Dingo: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me.
Other Women: And me. And me too. And me.
Dingo: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.
Sir Robin: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?
King Arthur: Oh shut up and go and change your armor.
God: If it's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
Zoot: Welcome, brave sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
Sir Galahad: The Castle Anthrax?
Zoot: Yes... it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we'll attend to your every need.
Woman: Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here!