7 Feuds Ryan Murphy's New FX Series Should Tackle Instead of Joan Crawford and Bette Davis

On Thursday, FX announced that is has ordered straight-to-series yet another anthology series from Anthology Series Guy Ryan Murphy. Following in the footsteps of American Horror Story and American Crime Story is Feud, a series that will dramatize the epic battle between Joan Crawford and Bette Davis behind the scenes of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, with Jessica Lange taking on the role of Crawford and Susan Sarandon portraying Davis. The rest of the cast is equally impressive, as Murphy productions tend to be: Alfred MolinaStanley Tucci, Judy Davis, and Dominic Burgess also star in the eight-episode series. Subsequent seasons, should FX renew the series (and it will), would follow different feuds.

That's all well and good, and we know Murphy always has at least one excellent season in him before the entire project crumbles to the ground, but was a Crawford v. Davis battle the way to go for that single season of greatness? We're not so sure. Not because we're not interested in watching the drama unfold—Murphy managed to take the O.J. Simpson case and turn it an excellent and thoughtful piece of television, and managed to make us all love David Schwimmer for a minute—but we just have some THOUGHTS. 

So here are some of the epic battles we'd like to have seen be the subject of the show's first season instead.

1. Julianna Margulies v. Archie Panjabi

COME. ON. If anyone can get to the bottom of this epic, epic, epic battle that plagued The Good Wife for years—and that damn split-screen debacle from Season 6—it is Ryan Murphy. We can already see Alicia Florrick's wig on Sarah Paulson.


2. Shannen Doherty v. Everyone

Since the '90s are apparently back now, why not explore some of the greatest behind-the-scenes drama on television during that era? Shannen Doherty earned a reputation for being hard to work with, having been booted from Beverly Hills, 90210 and famously leaving The WB's Charmed after the show's third season. Her departure meant the writers had to magic up a (half)sister so the POWER OF THREE could still exist. Guys, this is like, right in Murphy's wheelhouse. IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES. 


3. The Notorious B.I.G.  v. Tupac Shakur


This is an obvious one, but just think of the soundtrack! One of rap's biggest beefs went beyond just two luminaries dissing each other from across the flyover states, this was a war between the East Coast and the West Coast and the superb yet distinct styles each coast cultivated as rap became the biggest music genre in the country. Tales of rising to the top from poverty, real artists at the top of their game, and a pair of suspicious murders make this leap over the "obvious" tag and into mandatory territory.


4. Katherine Heigl v. Shonda Rhimes

Katherine Heigl's recent comments in the media about her regret over the decision to shit all over Grey's Anatomy, the series that rightfully made her a household name (but was not the first place TV fans saw her—lookin' at you, Roswell and Wish Upon a Star), has brought this epic PR disaster back into the limelight and placed it at the forefront of the latest society gossip. We wouldn't want to go up against Shonda freaking Rhimes, but we ARE here to watch this.


5. Yellow and Orange Starbust Fans v. Pink and Red Purists

THERE IS ONLY ONE RIGHT ANSWER HERE. CHOOSE YOUR SIDE WISELY.


6. Jay Leno and NBC v. David Letterman and Conan O'Brien


Jay Leno v. David Letterman is the real beef in the epic late-night TV feud sandwich, and so we have to start there, of course, but the second half of the story involving Leno and NBC versus Conan O'Brien is no less interesting. After Leno retired from The Tonight Show and went on to host his own show in primetime, Conan O'Brien took over as the host of The Tonight Show in 2009 only for NBC to reverse its decision the following year in order to bring Leno back. The public—and Letterman!—rallied around good guy O'Brien, who naturally took some potshots at the network and at Leno but otherwise remained a classy motherf*cker. He then went on to grow a beard, embark on a nationwide comedy tour, and eventually moved to TBS to host Conan and he's been great. And though he may not approve of our cynical approach, we've never been classy and we don't forget. 


7. Damon Lindelof v. Justin Bieber's yellow spiked hat

Remember when Damon Lindelof was on Twitter and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to us as a society? Us too. Long live Lindelof v. Bieber's hat.

What epic feuds would you like to see dramatized for television by Ryan Murphy?


Comments (83)
Submit
Sort: Latest | Popular
May 08, 2016
Thank you for Lindelof's twitter moment. I don't know about the Starburst debate to comment, but Raspberry Pez can go hang. Strawberry
Reply
Flag
May 08, 2016
What about the tragedy that deals with the demise of the best M&M colors and Life Savor flavors?
Reply
Flag
May 07, 2016
Just letting you know - i love David Schwimmer and i haven't even seen ACS
Reply
Flag
May 07, 2016
i remember with the NBC late show debacal that some NBC shows were severly hampered if not cancelled due to the NBC budgeting. cant remember which show or shows were cancelled but i remember one was quite popular. but no one seems to mention the other vitims of the Jay Leno prime time move disaster.
1
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
Not really my kind of thing.
But watching Sarandon and Lange channel Davis and Crawford might be worth it.
It just might rival Lange and Bassett in AHS:Coven.
"Sassing each other like champions", indeed!
Reply
Flag
Staff
May 06, 2016
West Coast the Best Coast. Tupac wins.
I dont need a series to tell me that.
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
David Hasselhoff vs a Wendy's cheeseburger.
1
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
I think it's a great idea for an Antology.

Capone vs. Moran
Alexander Hamilton vs Aaron Burr
Adi vs Rudi Dassler
Shaq vs Kobe.

So many on the list...
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
Charlie Sheen vs Chuck Lorre,
1
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
More interesting question: I thought Lang left American Horror Story cause she wanted to retire. I guess not?
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
Red and Orange starburst. Pinks are the worst.
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
Poor Heigl. She's doing cat litter commercials now. Saw her some time back in, I think, a Nyquil commercial too. Someone, please give her a break!

First I've heard of Margulies and Panjabi. They had a feud and that's why Panjabi left?
Reply
Flag
Jun 02, 2016
The money goes to her animal rescue charity.
Reply
Flag
Jun 02, 2016
Did not know she had a charity, but still. Surprised she has not tried a comedy series. Maybe if/when her new project fails, she'll give that a shot.
Reply
Flag
May 08, 2016
It's not like she's in need of money.
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
I hadn't heard about Margulies v Panjabi either. I always wondered why she left the show..
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
I only support your first 2 alternatives. As to Feud, who's interested in watching two old unattractive actresses? Not me.
2
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
Not as unattractive as ageism. Bet you're a real stunner....
5
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
As an HR Consultant/Executive I can tell you that ageism is the most common & terrible form of discrimination in employment, & I've fought against it my entire career. Entertainment though is a different & unique area where it's perfectly fine for viewers to express opinions as to what they enjoy watching. I like hot female eye candy. As to your "real stunner" silly comment, you have no idea what I look like. Ladies find me quite handsome.
2
Reply
Flag
Jun 03, 2016
I'm going to leave you with this;

if you want to walk through life and take pleasure in making people feel shitty about themselves, then you you go ahead. Make that your legacy, but know that you will suffer the consequences. Deep down you are a very unhappy man and no title will ever save you. I will pity you the day you realize exactly what you truly are. It might not make sense now, but trust me, it will. Laugh it off now, cause you won't when reality kicks in.

1
Reply
Flag
Jun 04, 2016
Unlike you, I avoid vulgarity & don't use bathroom language & don't initiate personal attacks. I take pleasure in devoting time to frequently helping individuals & community. I know who & what I am with true pride. Bless your heart.
1
Flag
Jun 03, 2016
You are seriously fucked up in your head, if you think making people feel shitty about themselves is ok. You need serious help. I'm not wasting more time on you. Do yourself a favor and crawl back to the sewer that you came from, you dirty bacteria infested sperm stain from the gutter.
1
Reply
Flag
Jun 03, 2016
LOL you seem so angered (typical intolerant leftist)? Such low class vulgar language too = you expect me to be angered? Not LOL! I find you quite humorous (sorry, but in a pathetic way). Try harder LOL?
1
Flag
Jun 03, 2016
So you don't hate, you just chose to discriminate. Classy...
1
Reply
Flag
Jun 03, 2016
Absolutely! You finally got it right! Glad to have been of some assistance to you.
1
Flag
Jun 03, 2016
Loosen your tinfoil hat, sweetie. You're still an ugly person for attacking others for their age and looks. So, you right-wing conservative bigot, keep crywanking to your right to hate and discriminate as much, you're still an asshole, honey bun.
1
Reply
Flag
Jun 03, 2016
Commentary on public figures in entertainment is not "attacking". It is sharing with network executives etc what is entertaining/desired/watched to provide feedback & hopefully influence decisions. I'm an independent, not "right-wing conservative". I have a mix of free thinking views including liberal ones. I respect all religions & am not a "bigot". I don't "hate". It's leftists robots who need to learn tolerance & civility. We all "discriminate" every day. It's not a bad word; it's making choices. Thank you kindly for the sweet "honey bun" term (though I prefer a chocolate donut :)
1
Flag
Jun 02, 2016
Delusion, convince yourself! Funny how someone who has "fought against ageism" their entire "career," uses someone else's age against them. Your personality already tells me that your "handsomeness", won't save you from the ugly from within. So, I don't care mr. "executive", what you are. You can cover yourself in all the designer labels and titles in the world, you're still an asshole.
1
Reply
Flag
Jun 03, 2016
Leftists and morons of all types see contradictions and/or hypocrisy where none exists. I fought something specific: illegal workplace discrimination over age (which does not include bonafide occupational qualifications that exist in entertainment that LOL is intended to entertain, not be a social/political statement). Your attempt at initiating personal attack only further demonstrates the weakness of your argument. Bless your soul darlin'.
Flag
Jun 02, 2016
They are playing an elderly pair of actresses, one of whom spent the entire movie in deranged pancake makeup and pigtails.
1
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
Taylor Swift vs. Kanye West. Just for variety and added controversy, have Kanye's role played by a man.
4
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
No, I think the role is better fitted for a troglodyte, if you wanna go for authenticity that is.
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
Beharie V a sense of victimization?

there is no "red and pink purists" there is only pink.
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
oh and it looks like the wrappers underwent a redesign. it's been a long time apparently.
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
I'm game! I adore What Ever Happened To Baby Jane, Jessica Lange AND Susan Sarandon. How could I not love this?!
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
First of all what's a Starburst?

Secondly is this planned as a one-off miniseries or is Murphy launching a new American ______ Story. Big difference.

I'm sure this will be fine but that casting doesn't sound great. I can't imagine either lead capturing the essence of their respective character. But Davis and Crawford were such singular performers that it would be very difficult for anyone to successfully play them. Plus there's a scarcity of active women actors around that certain age in Hollywood who could play them and that's the fault of the system.

It should be fine but I'd much rather just watch the original movie again, or anything directed by Robert Aldrich, the guy was amazing.
Reply
Flag
Staff
May 06, 2016
"First of all what's a Starburst?"

This breaks my heart.
1
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
There's already a book (and an HBO film based on the book) called The Late Shift that is about the David Letterman and Jay Leno feud to take over The Tonight Show when Johnny Carson was going to retire. The same author also wrote The War for Late Night about the Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien feud. So there's already research there. It would also give Tilda Swinton a chance to play Conan as she once said she would like to do.
1
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
It would be a sequel of the film. But NBC's management had more to do with Conan's failure on NBC.
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
I liked ACS, but this? ehhhhh idk. Not too excited tbh.
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
All regular Starburst are good, stop trying to divide people just to drum up headlines, you're all William Randolph Hurst and Starburst is the USS Maine. Even the orange ones aren't unwelcome. We need more Starburst flavors, not less. More Starburst, less wrappers! Also, more Starburst Minis, they're less likely to rip out your dental work.

And they already did TV about the original Late Night Wars, it was dumb.
1
Reply
Flag
May 08, 2016
Thank you for recognizing that Orange should not be teamed up with Yellow as Orange is the worst. *Sigh* The days when you can get a whole bag of one flavor.

And dude, there has been like 60 starburst flavors.
1
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
GODDAMNIT! "Hearst".
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
There's a reason they sell these.

1
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
It's not the color that's important, it's the flavor.
2
Reply
Flag
Staff
May 05, 2016
Exactly.
1
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
Plus that package has pinks. Which are the worst.
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
This is a low day in tv.com's history mentioning that stupid idiot (Please note that I restrained from swearing).

What about Fillion V Katic! I want to know what happened for such a public break down between them, I really hope that he isn't the 'bad guy' in the situation.

Oh BTW it's Blackcurrant and Lime!!!
2
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
I second Katic V Fillion.
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
They have an on and off relationship which i cannot understand at all. They were rumors about 4-5 years ago that they were in a relationship though not confirmed since both parties are very private people. I'm guessing they were in a relationship, broke up and couldn't get along after that.
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
First I've heard of this. Can someone explain or point to an article?
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
yeah I think it might be something in-between. I also didn't buy the line "stana is someone who wants everyone to want her"
Flag
May 06, 2016
Thanks! Sounds borderline ridiculous - "couple counseling" - but the way the show has been, these last two years in particular, I wouldn't be too surprised if true.
Flag
May 05, 2016
Funny, I don't see the word "OPAL" on that wrapper.
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
I am literally crying with joy right now. Bette Davis is one of my favourite actresses and I can never hear enough about her divine feud with Joan - I've read the book and seen the play. I am geeking out so much right now that I can't even read past the headline of this article. And the fact that Ryan Murphy is doing it after the sterling work he did on the O.J Simpson trial? I think I'm having a multiple nerdgasms!!! Never mind the Kardashians - Bette and Joan were the original divas (IMO) I CAN'T WAIT until this comes out! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
Team Orange and Red. Pink and Yellow can suck it.
1
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
You have that backwards, you're supposed to suck them.

All of them.
2
Reply
Flag
Staff
May 05, 2016
Whoa. Bold choice.
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
Come on - Charlie Sheen and Chuck Lorre should be top of the list - it was an incredibly crazy story of two ego-mniacal twats trying to one-up each other - so much so that Lorre would rather end his ratings HIT show (Two And A Half Men) with a final dig at Charlie Sheen than logic

That is better than everything on this list (although I'd love to see what is really up with Shannen Doherty - two successful shows and she left/was axed from both of them? i think she has a BIG ego)
1
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
Also, PINK STARBURST ALL THE WAY!!

5
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
Maybe this is what Ryan Murphy should be doing - adapting interesting, real life stories that don't allow Murphy to go all over the top in his storytelling like he usually does. I was on the fence about People vs OJ Simpson because of him but that turned out to be great. But who knows.
3
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
I would prefer this to move beyond entertainment industry.
But to add to this list, Chuck Lorre Vs Charlie Sheen. Will be funny to see two people I loathe going at each other.
2
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
Poor FX. They used to have great programming and now it is just the Murphy and Sutter smorgasbord o mediocrity.
4
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
Their comedies including It's Always Sunny, You're the Worst, Louie, Archer are some of the best. They also have two of the best dramas on air today with Americans and Fargo (whose second season was close to TV perfection as we can hope to get). So, yeah, I don't agree with your assessment at all.
3
Reply
Flag
May 05, 2016
That is two dramas. Two, that I don't cover even cover 6 months of programming. They used to have far more. When one of their great original programing concluded for the season the next great one was but a week or so away. That is no more.

As for the comedies, those are all on FXX and I don't tend to include those even if they are some of the best comedies on TV. It is a separate channel.
2
Reply
Flag
Staff
May 05, 2016
Actually (don't worry, I've already slapped myself for this comment), Archer still airs on FX (Louie did too, though we may have seen the end of Louie). You're the Worst did make the jump to FXX in Season 2, though. But even still: it may be a separate channel, but it's still the FX brand.
Reply
Flag
Staff
May 05, 2016
The People v. O.J. Simpson was actually very, very good.
7
Reply
Flag
Staff
May 06, 2016
Eh. It was just good.
Reply
Flag
Staff
May 06, 2016
I will fight you.
Reply
Flag
Staff
May 06, 2016
To the alley. You know which one...
Flag
May 05, 2016
Perhaps. I won't see it. When I actually came back to the states to live, the trial was my first real experience with American TV and some could point to the starting point of the fall of both TV and media. After that I didn't watch tv until around 2007. I have no desire to repeat that.

Also, he couldn't put his usual stamp on it because of the reality aspects of the series. I stand by my statement of mediocrity.
Reply
Flag
May 06, 2016
Yeah, you probably should watch his best show before getting too conclusiony.
Reply
Flag

Like TV.com on Facebook