7 Feuds Ryan Murphy's New FX Series Should Tackle Instead of Joan Crawford and Bette Davis

On Thursday, FX announced that is has ordered straight-to-series yet another anthology series from Anthology Series Guy Ryan Murphy. Following in the footsteps of American Horror Story and American Crime Story is Feud, a series that will dramatize the epic battle between Joan Crawford and Bette Davis behind the scenes of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, with Jessica Lange taking on the role of Crawford and Susan Sarandon portraying Davis. The rest of the cast is equally impressive, as Murphy productions tend to be: Alfred MolinaStanley Tucci, Judy Davis, and Dominic Burgess also star in the eight-episode series. Subsequent seasons, should FX renew the series (and it will), would follow different feuds.

That's all well and good, and we know Murphy always has at least one excellent season in him before the entire project crumbles to the ground, but was a Crawford v. Davis battle the way to go for that single season of greatness? We're not so sure. Not because we're not interested in watching the drama unfold—Murphy managed to take the O.J. Simpson case and turn it an excellent and thoughtful piece of television, and managed to make us all love David Schwimmer for a minute—but we just have some THOUGHTS. 

So here are some of the epic battles we'd like to have seen be the subject of the show's first season instead.

1. Julianna Margulies v. Archie Panjabi

COME. ON. If anyone can get to the bottom of this epic, epic, epic battle that plagued The Good Wife for years—and that damn split-screen debacle from Season 6—it is Ryan Murphy. We can already see Alicia Florrick's wig on Sarah Paulson.


2. Shannen Doherty v. Everyone

Since the '90s are apparently back now, why not explore some of the greatest behind-the-scenes drama on television during that era? Shannen Doherty earned a reputation for being hard to work with, having been booted from Beverly Hills, 90210 and famously leaving The WB's Charmed after the show's third season. Her departure meant the writers had to magic up a (half)sister so the POWER OF THREE could still exist. Guys, this is like, right in Murphy's wheelhouse. IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES. 


3. The Notorious B.I.G.  v. Tupac Shakur


This is an obvious one, but just think of the soundtrack! One of rap's biggest beefs went beyond just two luminaries dissing each other from across the flyover states, this was a war between the East Coast and the West Coast and the superb yet distinct styles each coast cultivated as rap became the biggest music genre in the country. Tales of rising to the top from poverty, real artists at the top of their game, and a pair of suspicious murders make this leap over the "obvious" tag and into mandatory territory.


4. Katherine Heigl v. Shonda Rhimes

Katherine Heigl's recent comments in the media about her regret over the decision to shit all over Grey's Anatomy, the series that rightfully made her a household name (but was not the first place TV fans saw her—lookin' at you, Roswell and Wish Upon a Star), has brought this epic PR disaster back into the limelight and placed it at the forefront of the latest society gossip. We wouldn't want to go up against Shonda freaking Rhimes, but we ARE here to watch this.


5. Yellow and Orange Starbust Fans v. Pink and Red Purists

THERE IS ONLY ONE RIGHT ANSWER HERE. CHOOSE YOUR SIDE WISELY.


6. Jay Leno and NBC v. David Letterman and Conan O'Brien


Jay Leno v. David Letterman is the real beef in the epic late-night TV feud sandwich, and so we have to start there, of course, but the second half of the story involving Leno and NBC versus Conan O'Brien is no less interesting. After Leno retired from The Tonight Show and went on to host his own show in primetime, Conan O'Brien took over as the host of The Tonight Show in 2009 only for NBC to reverse its decision the following year in order to bring Leno back. The public—and Letterman!—rallied around good guy O'Brien, who naturally took some potshots at the network and at Leno but otherwise remained a classy motherf*cker. He then went on to grow a beard, embark on a nationwide comedy tour, and eventually moved to TBS to host Conan and he's been great. And though he may not approve of our cynical approach, we've never been classy and we don't forget. 


7. Damon Lindelof v. Justin Bieber's yellow spiked hat

Remember when Damon Lindelof was on Twitter and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to us as a society? Us too. Long live Lindelof v. Bieber's hat.

What epic feuds would you like to see dramatized for television by Ryan Murphy?