Alcatraz S01E07: "Johnny McKee"
Older bad episodes of Alcatraz looked at last night's episode, "Johnny McKee," and celebrated because they knew they were immediately free of being the series' worst. It appears that the Fox drama's high note last week was a stroke of blind luck, because "Johnny McKee" was a mess to anyone who lives in the real world.
This week's time-traveling Alcatraz badass was Johnny McKee, a man who murdered 42 people in one sitting by spiking the sprinklers at his 15-year high-school reunion with Cyanide. Why? Well, later it was revealed that he was the victim of a terrible high-school prank staged by a hot chick who duped him into stripping naked on top of a building in the dark. It was all a "football team throws firecrackers at the nude nerd" ruse, which resulted in his nuts being blown off by a cherry bomb. Dude, I'm not making this up. But as far as motivation for murder and revenge goes, losing your little boys to explosives is as good as any.
That motivation led Johnny to jump from job to job (how he got these jobs so easily in such a competitive market is a mystery) in the present day so he could poison bullies. A group of Asian guys at a club who didn't appreciate bartender Johnny's Jules Verne quote? POISONED! A rich dick who wanted a fresh towel at the fitness center where Johnny was a towel boy? POISONED! Never trust a big butt and a smile! By the end of the episode, Mr. McKee's rampage had offed about a dozen jerks and innocent by-swimmers (the pool was turned into a pond of death). I don't know what the timeline is for the series, but if all these events from are happening as close together as they seem, San Francisco will soon be quarantined as a death trap. Snipers! Land mines! Now poison? I'm taking my family to Syria instead—it's safer there! In the end, Johnny got caught trying to gas a BART train full of Golden State Warriors fans, even though they already poison themselves every game by watching Kwame Brown on the court and knowing they cut Jeremy Lin. *Good one Tim, high five!*
In Johnny's flashback, a fellow inmate put him on the contract of killing another inmate who was encroaching on his business of selling "pig stickers," which is tough talk for "sharp objects." (Side note: Did anyone notice that the flashback dialogue got considerably 1940s on us? "Squirrely mug jumping kings over there needs killing.") The guy picked Johnny because of his skill with poisons to keep things quiet. We saw Johnny get closer to his target, when TWIST! Johnny actually murdered the guy who ordered the hit because Johnny doesn't like bullies. Interesting tale... until you consider that in present day Johnny was mass murdering randoms, not convicts who should be dead anyway. It kind of took the sting out of it. Once the two stories were told side-by-side, who was really going to care about the flashback? It's like if I told you two stories at the same time: One where I won $10 million in a no-holds barred underground street-fighting tourney and one where I found a buck and a half in the seat cushions of my couch during a commercial break on The Bachelor. All of a sudden that $1.50 doesn't sound so impressive, does it? If you're going to try to pull off two standalone stories in the same episode, keep the stakes equal, Alcatraz.
Meanwhile, all character progress regressed back to the norm of Soto as the guy who uses his intimate knowledge of Alcatraz to recognize the killer, Hauser as the mysterious guy who isn't saying everything he knows, and Rebecca as the cop who gets captured by the killer and elbows him in the gut to escape and then apprehend him. If their character development goes any slower, they'll age backward and we'll have a new show called Alcatraz Babies on our hands.
There wasn't much in the way of reveals this week except the new concept of dreams being important. A monitor showed that Lucy, who is STILL in a coma, was having spikes in brain function related to dreams, and Jack Sylvane gave us the little nugget that since his return to the future, he's been unable to have any dreams. Do clones dream? Who knows. But back in 1963, Johnny said he didn't dream at all. So maybe it's a whole lotta nothing.
Despite being featured heavily in the "Previously On..." there was no sign of Tommy Madsen, who is at the center of the show's most interesting mystery. Why is his blood being drawn if he's healthy? Where is he in present time? Why is he so darned cool? If he and Rebecca fell in love and had a kid, would she give birth to her aunt or would he be the father of his great grandchild?
In the end, enjoying "Johnny McKee" required such frequent ignorance of common sense that I feel like it's almost time to start throwing out a new parallel universe theory, because things that happened in the episode couldn't possibly happen in the world I live in, whether it's present day or nineteen sixty-whatever. A glass jar to you and I may just be something to put pickles in, but do you know what it is to an Alcatraz guard? One smash away from a thousand sharp knives! No way would a prisoner in the world's most dangerous jail get to walk around with that. You may be able to somehow get past the fact that the poisoning at the club had been videoed, but a YouTube clip of four guys dying that should be evidence in a police investigation does not go viral to the public overnight. Rich men's fitness clubs at least do a basic background check on future employees, you know, to see if they actually exist or not. If a subway train is stopped, the subway knows about it and figures out what's going on. How did the A-Team get into the subway tubes all the way from their secret base in Alcatraz before the poison killed everyone on the train? And why was the subway train full of only dudes? Are we supposed to believe that women and kids don't like basketball?
Alcatraz gave us its worst episode at the wrong time: After its best episode, and after its worst ratings yet. Well, what were previously its worst ratings. Last night's episode dipped below six million viewers and finished with a 1.8 rating in the adult demo, beating only The CW among the major networks. Fox will let the show run out its first season, so we'll get whatever answers we can, but I wouldn't count on seeing this inept task force capture all 302 crooks the series had planned on hunting down.
Prison Notes:
– My favorite part of the episode was when Warden James came rolling into a scene on a chair. Unintentionally great stuff.
– My second-favorite part was Rebecca and Hauser speeding to the subway scene on a little cart going five miles per hour, and Hauser saying, "Stop the car!"
Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom
I'm still enjoying this one - although the same old, same old plot each week is getting a little wearing. What irks me most though is the completely redundant explanatory titles. Really - the viewer couldn't recognise we were back in 1960's and in the Alcatraz library without being told? Weren't the books a dead giveaway?
This show doesn't seem to be getting anywhere (and that's a big statement from someone like me who criticized Tim for not giving Alcatraz a chance while letting the flaws in early episodes of Person of Interest passing by)
Tim was right, this show is no good - don't start celebrating yet, Tim, I still think that you hit the show hard too early. Now, after 7 eps, we have a larger sample and that would be justified. I will still keep watching just because I know it won't be renewed and I can bare another 5 episodes
The smart thing for JJ right now is to stop trying to reproduce Lost with all the "mysteries" and the "conspiracies". He has failed in almost every show he tried to give "a bit of Lost feeling". If he wants another tv success, he should try making another kind of "Lost", try to find a new tv territory like Lost did (24 did it with the pseudo-real time concept, House did with the humor and the detective/doctor thing, Prison Break Season 1 did it with the grand masterplan etc)
ps. Not that is a great show but Falling Skies turned out pretty decent compared to The Event, FlashForward, V or Alcatrazmoreless
Do you realize that he later admitted he DID dream. You should watch the entire episode and pay attention. You're also looking for rational reasoning in the actions of a clearly disturbed individual.
It must be a different timeline, since AFAIK in our timeline the Alcatraz inmates and guards didn't vanish in 1963. I still hope this will be revealed in the series before it gets cancelled. I enjoyed this weeks epsiode by the way.
Tim wrote: " I don't know what the timeline is for the series, but if all these events from are happening as close together as they seem, San Francisco will soon be quarantined as a death trap."
You're a weird guy, obviously he didn't mean our timeline and that real-life san francisco should be quarantined, it's a tv show. The real question he was asking is how much time there supposedly is between all these episodes, not whether this was actually happening, and that's kind of the vibe I'm getting from what you wrote....Weirdo
i think if a man wants to find drawbacks in the show, he can find them in ANY show. "A group of Asian guys at a club who didn't appreciate bartender Johnny's Jules Verne quote? POISONED! A rich dick who wanted a fresh towel at the fitness center where Johnny was a towel boy? POISONED!" oh, COME ON! we heard exactly HOW all these people talked to him, it's quite a reason for a maniac to poison them, why do you wrench the facts just to laugh at the writers?
i don't think that this show is awesome, but it's quite good and entertaining, not worse than any other mediocre show on tv. if you compare it with almost every show on cw, it'll look like a hit! all the authors try to find some good stuff in the shows they recap - omg, price has to recap THE SECRET CIRCLE, louis - THE RINGER, and they both don't camplain! you're like a child who doesn't want to do his homework so hates the subject, CHANGE THE ATTITUDE OR GIVE THE SHOW TO SOMEONE ELSE! STOP THIS STREAM OF NAGATIVE!!!moreless
Price actually seems to enjoy the secret circle, but he found sth to like in for example, The River.. he doesn't bash and complain about it like in every single sentence, and though he also does overthink about what he views, he at least try to enjoy it as well.. what still amazes me is that, while Tim can like or look the other way about the unreasonable stuff in some other shows, he totally goes "this does not make sense" for this one.. and actually both the killer and his reasons/actions made quite sense in its own "serial killer's mind" way..
please, they catch the criminals very easily, the criminal made the store deliver the flowers or whatever herbs he use to make the poison to his hideout, AN ABANDONED SCHOOL, and the way they deduced that he's going to target an subway was really unbelievable, and of course you mentioned how they can get from the island to any other place very easily which happens in every episode
loved the episode !
This show has my blessing!
I L O V E it!
This will be my last episode of Alcatraz. A for effort Fox
"My second-favorite part was Rebecca and Hauser speeding to the subway scene on a little cart going five miles per hour, and Hauser saying, "Stop the car" "
this was really funny except that the rest of the article wasn't that good I mean I enjoyed the episode
Its simple:
Don''t like it?, Don't watch it !!!
I Like it!!!
Unlike The River, for instance, where I've actually had a bit of fun watching the ridiculousness of the show, I don't find the ridiculousness in Alcatraz fun at all. How the hell did Becks and Hause get to the train in like a minute, especially on that little golf cart?! Soto was probably my favorite character in the first two episodes... now I hate him. The detective work between Hauser, Becca, and Soto is really bad. They don't actually do any... they just end up jumping to conclusions through seemingly unimportant info. every episode. "He liked Jules Verne? Well then, he must be attacking the subway!"
I agree with your whole article, except Johnny only said he didn't dream when he was being uncooperative with the doc... but he admitted at the end that he dreams about the mean girl's face.
Also, I couldn't help but shake my head when Johnny "took out" the driver of the subway. There's a reason why people typically attack from behind when using chloroform to knock people out, and not from the side where you're easily vulnerable. That driver just went umph umph umph without actually fighting it.moreless
OMG ... this article is really hilarious.... i liked the episode but after reading this .... i just can't stop laughing ... u r absolutely right... nobody noticing anything .... hehehehehe i can't stop laughing...
You're right these bad guys are getting funnier by every episode and makes you kinda wonder what other ability our next will have after we've had our sniper, our bomber, and poison guy.
I'm done,good luck
HAHAHAHA!! Those were my favorite parts too!! I laughed at the warden, that guy is the best. And when he said "car", I was all like, 'That is NOT a car!' But about the villain, I must admit my mind was elsewhere at that exact moment lady was telling McKee why he did it. Or something. I don't really remember, I knew I was going to be let down from last weeks preview for this episode. Poisoning water supplies is always dull in my book. A lot of problems, real ridiculous, but I am enjoying watching it all the same. More so than The River. Of Garbage.
Am I the only one that thinks it may have been funny if they had said something about the poison by starting with , "Girl I must warn you, I sense something strange..."?
it was a crap episode but it got me thinking was Lucy one of the missing that came back? if she was young in the past like Hauser it doesn't look like she has aged at all now does it?? it's a shame that the show is sucking so much because it could be great...
The little cart moment was indeed very funny and ridiculous but I'm so tired of this dumb show !
Seriously, show us something useful ! Where madsen, what's his life nowadays, maybe he has the mysterious keys ? How hell a 60's doc could fix up Lucy ? Why everything is so simple for the alcatraz dudes to blend in (there is a reason... it's not a plot hole.. please !)
Thanks for the great recap Tim, much more entertaining then the episode itself. I had this great theory that the girl in the photo was really McKee before his sex change. They did look pretty alike. I'm sure it would have made the episode more interesting.
Like You said more than once" The best parts about this show are the flashbacks!! The rest is there just to remind you how good the flashbacks are!!!"
I thought it was awesome when Johnny killed the guy who orderd the hit instead of that other guy
so happy i jumped ship, now i will no longer click anything related to this show. good or bad,, ,
I lasted 2 episodes .... didn't expect it to improve ...... and it seems it didn't.
I counted the first two as one episode since they were on the same night. I only feel sorry for Tim at this point. This show is soo awful.
OMG I WAS GOING TO MENTION THOSE SAME EXACT TWO PRISON NOTES.
WTF @ STOP THE CAR????? I almost burst out laughing yesterday when she said that. And the rolling in from nowhere, that was so hilarious but so not intentional!
But seriously... what is going on with this show... the actors are at least trying their best but man the writing seems so hastily put together!
I'm so tired of the team arriving late to the scene of the crime. "Oh we just missed him" sort of thing. Come on, three times an episode, times 7 episodes = are they really going to use the same catch-up game/scenario every episode?
I agree, this was another lackluster episode. Although I appreciated the return of an already captured inmate. Let's hope next week is better.
I personally thing that googling a gas when you're suppose to have top of the art technology behind you, capable of erasing viral internet videos and intended to help you solving a huge mystery like this, is just some fine police work! And i honestly don't think rebecca has a life other than her job. She was in bed reading a case file. She's all work and no fun, that girl!
I had so much faith on this show... it's from JJ for God sake!
But you really pointed out the problems of the show.
Why do shows ALWAYS make reality mistakes when they use a computer?
How can Hauser erase videos like that? that's impossible, and someone kept a copy.
And why did the girl in the video didn't realized something was really wrong with the drinks... like poison! C'mon!
I was also sure Rebecca would have find the poison vial where Johnny McKee dropped it in the garbage.
Why does Hauser always cut off Rebecca when she ask questions to a prisoner?
I like all the actors, but they have to play a script from poor writers.
This is really sad.. it's Terra Nova, and almost Falling Skies all over again.
LOL! you're right about the Warden-on-the-chair move! VERY funny!moreless
Let's face it. J.J Abrams just needs to stop stamping his name on every tv show he comes across and start really focusing on just one show. If he isn't creating shows and sticking around for only a year(LOST), or putting his name on shows that aren't his creations(Alcatraz, Person's of Interest), then his shows are being canceled (Undercovers, Fringe(you know it's been lucky to survive this long). Just stick with one thing at a time, JJ!