Do not clap for this! What are you, a seal?
A lot of today's water cooler chatter will probably center on last night's premiere episode of V, the ballyhooed retelling of the 1980s miniseries (and later overplayed series) of the same name. But for God's sake, please don't behave like the humans did in the pilot, or we'll all end turning on an alien spit with an apple in our mouths.
Slight spoilers ahead, obviously.
In the event of alien invasion, please do not applaud once the alien matriarch has given her minute-long spiel. Yeah, she may be hot, but please, she's AN ALIEN! If I've learned anything from watching 24-hour news channels, it's that we should fear all things foreign. Seriously, who were these people who broke out into clapping and why weren't they gathering their shotguns and canned goods? And don't pretend you haven't set aside a sawed-off and stockpile of Chef Boyardee for this exact scenario. Or a terrorist attack. Or the zombie apocalypse. Or a visit from Spencer Pratt.
In the event of alien invasion, do not Facebook-friend the aliens. Of course they are going to use social networking to indoctrinate us—corporations have been doing it for years! Next thing you know you'll be reading status updates like "Anna is eating rodents" or "Zognar took the following quiz: Which alien overlord are you?" Or worse, you'll start doing stupid things because the Internet tells you to. Tyler spray paints red "V"s on public property because of a directive on the V Web site? He really should be becoming a Facebook fan of 2012 and that hot new electro band that really isn't that good.
In the event of alien invasion, do not go to church. First, it's going to be hecka crowded, and you probably won't be able to get a good seat unless you camp out the night before as if it was the launch of the PlayStation 4 or a Metallica concert. Second, it's a little too late for salvation, buddy. Everyone knows you worship Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo on Sundays instead of the high and mighty Creator. Third, the presence of aliens pretty much throws some key pillars of The Bible out the window, even if a man in a funny hat who lives in a country shaped like a boot waves his wand and says otherwise. On second thought, watching the local church reps backpedal in their sermons could be fun to watch. Don't forget to bring some popcorn!
In the event of alien invasion, be cautious of your stereotypical teenage best friend who is way too enthusiastic (Dude!) about the aliens' arrival. Tyler's portly buddy Brandon is an enabler who uses Tyler's tingling crotch to get him all hot and bothered over the sexy Vs, particularly Supergirl. If Tyler is lucky, Brandon is just into alien fetish porn (or thinking of becoming a Japanese businessman). But let's get real: The reason for Brandon's go-go attitude is scarier than the risk of contracting alien chlamydia. At one point, Tyler asks Brandon how he got tickets for the shuttle to the mothership, and Brandon deftly deflects through... silence. You want to know how he got the tickets, Tyler? Do ya? Duh, because Brandon is so obviously an alien and you is getting played, son.
In the event of alien invasion, let a medical expert take a look at an alien. Any alien. Is that really too much to ask? This whole mess could have been avoided by one well-placed thermometer.
V airs Tuesday nights at 8pm on ABC.
Comments (36)
So funny! Such a cleverly written article.
sawed off shot-guns may be good for a few things but i think various types of assault rifles would be better, could also be useful against corporate and UN globalist thugs.
I agree that the general public was way too accepting of aliens... Other than that, I found it to be a good pilot, so I'll continue to watch it for now.
Thanks for pointing out some of the glaring ridiculous moments of an overhyped and overrated premiere... you forgot... if you're an FBI agent, in the event of an Alien Invasion, don't forget to check your desktop Terrorist Chatter Watch widget on your Home PC to know if some terrorists cell have been acting out!
I agree. No way the general public would be so accepting of aliens. Human being are generally way too cynical. Applauding at an alien speech, regular visits to an alien spacecraft and what seems to be little government action.....just ridiculous.
i love it
Funny :) Not bad for a first episode but i prefered to be longer for a pilot and the old version of vistors i loved it when i was little and i still do. At the end i excepted more but that was it hope this one get it right
I love the show, but why does EVERYONE on this site feel the need to bash religion?
Overall the pilot was fine, but this is one case in which I wish the producers would have "dragged things out" a little bit. The story moved a long just a tad bit too fast--the aliens arrive and the next seen, it's been 3 weeks? A 2 hour pilot would have been great. Oh, and the whole permission slip, and extreme alien-crush was a bit too silly. I liked it though, but they let too much information out in the first episode. Maybe they're trying to be anti-LOST? Still, let the thing play out a little bit.
Not as impressive as the original but by far better acting without question... Give it a few more episodes before passing my judgment!
What a funny story ! Great work !
The pilot episode didn't impress me, it seems that they wanted to cram everything in one episode because they think the viewer doesn't have any patience. We had the resistance, the visitor traitors, the visitors recruiting young people, and then showing them as reptiles all in a span of one-hour. I didn't much care for the characters either, I'll give it a few more episodes but it's off to a bad start for me.
Thanks for giving me a good laugh, Tim. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your take on this concept, which coincided with mine :)
Intresting article. D0n't forget the interview.
In the event of alien invasion, do not attend super-secret resistance meetings in abandoned warehouses. The lizard-men will take you down.
Suprice, suprice that the first episode had high rates... V still have fans or people have seen it before... so ofc people wanna see the new version.... bahh... *bonk, bonk*
And I agree with Tim. This serie is stupid, silly, lame and boring to death! Bad cast, bad writers (too much of the plot in just ONE episode), bad editor, bad uniform color... and so on... it's just stupid!!!
Pull the plug!
I'd say a very good premiere episode...and obviously the public agreed, it was the highest rated new show of the 2009-2010 season, and wasn't too far behind CBS' "NCIS." Good cast, good writing...can't wait to see episode #2 next Tuesday night....finally a show that I actually watch on ABC!
Let's face it, everything you have written here is true. But in the event that one studio picks up this idea, and really would make a series about a possible real invasion. The series itself will be over in only two maybe three episodes. Our defense status against any possible treat from above wouldn't be any sufficient. We'll all be gone in matter of seconds. So the way these aliens (both new and old series) are conducting things. I must say this could take months, maybe even years to develop. And I also wanted to point out. That I miss the way the real (old V series) aliens talked. They had a kind of echo in their voices. It gave the aliens a real feeling about the fact they where from a other world.moreless
Lets see what happens? So far so good...
I felt like 15 again. Loved the old show back in 1980something. I will watch this one too.
Don't know what to say about it yet. It was entertaining, interesting, not as slow as the 80s series. I'll have to watch a few more episodes to really go there. Nice touch was Morris Chestnutt being a V traitor. Never saw that coming.
yeah its a good start and hopefully its stays in this track..
the worst pilot i have ever seen is hank:O horrible
it was definitely VERY good, i can;t believe how anyone could call it one of the worst pilots they've seen...there was too much stuff crammed in there but it was exciting and im looking forward to the next episodes
Loved it.
i like it how they called the space chick "supergirl" cuz she played kara from smallvile, kudos
Great article. There were some already seen things in the Pilot, but the overall experience was very positive. The show is very entertaining. For now.
One of the worst pilots I have seen in a long time
It was one of the best pilots I had seen in a long time.
Yeah, I was surprised on how everybody loved the aliens.The only voices of reasons were the priests and that crazy conspiracy guy in the cellar.
LOL I thought the exact same thing when everyone started clapping. Duh!
your right i would, if i had down syndrome and i was suicidal
Hey for an eight o clock timeslot, it's perfect background to clean the kitchen to. I loved the original, including the v marketing all through the subways in the '80's and this takes me back to my more carefree youth when I could devote time to scare myself. Now if I want a good scare, I watch FOX news and realize that people believe the stuff they spew. Give me reptiles anyday!
what about the other issue.....people willingly going up to the alien mothership where all the aliens could just be waiting to rush them.
Like I just wrote in my review of the episode (wink, wink), a big problem is they overanalyze. You either do the alien appearance all slow and suspenseful, Lost-style (please, don't, we have enough Lost ripoffs already) or you just accept that alien cliches are just that and roll with them, as they so often do in Fringe or Eureka. Given that the only appeal V has ever had, let's be honest, was the kitsch factor, this approach would have been better. Instead, it's neither here nor there. They address the issues but don't resolve them.
A visit from Spencer Pratt??? That's enough to make anyone scream.