American Horror Story: Asylum Teaser Roundup! Watch All 7 Right Now!

Call me a weirdo, but while most of America looks forward to new fall season that includes shows about the power going out and, I don't know, monkey doctors, pretty much ALL I can think about is the new season of FX's American Horror Story. When Ryan Murphy's campy horror dramedy first premiered last year it was hard to know whether it would ever evolve past the bizarre horror mixtape of the pilot, but boy did it ever! The season stayed bizarre, of course, but who could've guessed it would've been as sad and haunting (pun NOT intended) as it ended up? Great television, made even moreso by its audacious between-seasons reset. Whoops, we were tricked into watching an anthology series!

Which brings us to the upcoming Asylum chapter of AHS starting in October. We still don't even know for sure what DAY it begins, but FX has seen fit to start teasing us mercilessly with fragments of footage possibly excerpted from the new opening credits sequence. As we all know the first season's title sequence was itself a season-long teaser since its imagery continued showing up in the show itself (save for that man with the garden shears whose plotline was excised for time). So let's take a look at the teasers that have been released so far and attempt to figure out what it all means! (And more importantly HOW it all relates to Chris Zylka's character!)

Here they are, be careful:


TEASER #1: "Special Delivery"

What on earth is that litterbug nun dumping in the field? At first I assumed she was disposing of body parts, but now I think she's leaving food out for some kind of terrible hell-beast. Or possibly a friendly puma. Oh, I really hope there is a friendly puma plotline.


TEASER #2: "Blue Coat"

Well, obviously it's laundry day at the nightmare nunnery and white-mask nun was just trying to do a solid for the corner chillin' nun. But then white-mask nun goes and gives us the SIDE-EYE? Aw, hell no, girl!


TEASER #3: "Hydrobath"

So, someone filled up the bathtub with milk and then turned the whole thing sideways so it didn't look like a big version of ladyparts. Then some guy or gal was bobbing up and down and then got zipped inside! This could honestly happen to anyone.


TEASER #4: "White Rose"

I feel like anybody who has allergies can relate to this woman. Get outta that flower, girl!


TEASER #5: "Ascend"

White nun was all annoyed because clearly the asylum had a pest issue what with all the scuffling under the stairs and whatnot. But I bet when she called the pest control dude he didn't find anything and she felt super embarrassed about it. (This will be a three-episode arc.)


TEASER #6: "Glass Prison"

That ghoul is like, "What is this, Miami Vice? Glass brick is SO '80s you guys!" Just kidding, the ghoul is just growling about whatever. Relax, ghoul. You're smudging the glass and we're low on Windex.


UPDATE! TEASER #7: "The Bucket"

Not gonna lie, this does NOT look like a fun rave.


So there you have it! What do YOU think it all means??
Comments (35)
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I hope the new season is better than the teasers. They are neither scary nor disturbing. I mean, fear of nuns? Is it a catholic school thing?
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FINALLY! Less then two months to go. I must say, I'm sooo glad they kept that creepy a** music! The score perfectly sets the mood for the show. It's grating and suspensful and genius!
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Omg I can't wait any longer! Murphy and Falchuk are geniuses and I love everything they do!
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Amazing! I can't wait! Does anyone else find it deliciously disturbing that Ryan Murphy does this & Glee???
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I'm really excited for the new season. I have a feeling that it'll be much more awesomer than the last one.



I'm also watching for Chris Zylka because I loved him as Jake from TSC and it'll be nice for the TSC fans to see something that'll ease the sadness of its unjust cancellation.
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I wonder if the theme for this year is demonic possession instead of ghosts. Still has that paranormal aspect, but different from season 1. What if all those people aren't crazy? The chick doing the spider walk under the stairs reminds me of some the exorcist movies. This is going to be so much fun!
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I love that spider walk, too!! Reminds me of the Grudge movies.
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Uh

my brain is cracked from watching these, but I think that was the point.
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Even though it's the middle of the day I'm still a bit a freaked out watching those previews! Your captions were hilarious and helped me get through them with some laughter, but I should remember that the show does add a bit of comedy with the horror. I work the night shift so I'm definitely going to record this on my Hopper so I can watch it when I get home. I've been recording my favorite shows with more than enough hard drive space on my DVR. My coworkers at Dish agree that the white rose preview was definitely the scariest of the seven; that's only where I practically jumped out of my seat!
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I bet the blue coat is haunted, that's why when she hangs it it's arms are down then when she sits the arms are out. So I'm guessing something about a child born and raised in the asylum dies and haunts the place. Child ghosts are the most creepy so it's a no brain-er they will have at least one.
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the bathtub makes me remember of the video lights from interpol, actually i lot of the imagery, like the nuns. Also i dont know a little lady gaga??

it looks f-up i like it !!!
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I think Ryan Murphy has found a show that perfectly suits him. This guy is the king of inconsistency and incoherence, but since AHS is a show that thrives by defying all logic, that doesn't work against it too much. Having a new story, a new setting, and new characters every season will work in Ryan's favor since he usually fails to keep his characters consistent or interesting season to season. I think that's the template Tim Kring originally had for Heroes.



(P.S. I wonder why Mate, the show's biggest fan, hasn't commented?)

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Yep! Exactly.
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It means that season 2 of AHS is gonna be awesome! (I hope)
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The first season was really good but I'm worried that this season its going to be really typical and the teasers confirm that. I mean ghosts in a mental institution has been done so many times that it would really have to have a new fresh spin. The teasers remind me of a low budget 90s movie with cheap effects. Also a bunch of nurses/doctors or crazy patients aren't a character you can relate to unlike the family in season 1.
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right your point is SOOOO VALID because haunted house had never been done before?



lol if your gonna make a stupid comment dont back it up with a hypocritical point
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They might have changed it since I last checked, but I'm pretty sure the creators said that there would be a new horror aspect every season. As in no ghosts this time. I don't know what they're going to use, but they have said that there will never be vampires (: so hopefully it wont be as typical as you think (:
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Do you even remember the Teasers for Season 1?



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehNZcQOwuOY



They were pretty much the Same than what Season 2 is doing now.
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You really like the first season but you're writing off the second season because of of a number of 16-second promos? Jesus...



I guess before the first season you didn't think that ghosts in an old house had been done so many times before?
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to be fair, haunted houses have probably been done more times that haunted mental institutions, yet season 1 pulled it off amazingly
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I have no bloody idea what it all means, but I can't wait for season 2. looks completely different to season 1 and even creepier than season 1 too.
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Can't F-ing wait for American Horror Story season 2.
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I am not sur e but i watched it is it the neighbor gets hers and she is up for grabs.or really the new baby becoming into the clan i do know the show is what i am not going to miss
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I didn't watch AHS last season, but Price's captions sure make it sound interesting...



Also, Chris Zylka.
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The Teasers are all great but I really want to see a Offical Trailer showing some footage.
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It means I can hardly wait to see the new season!
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OH MY GOD.
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PRICE! PRICE! They just don't stop. You gotta comment about Teaser #7 now! Here you go:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQi4DZLD_VQ&feature=g-u-u
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Thank you! Just added it.
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Unfortunately, these promos will probably be the scariest thing about the new season.
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AHS sound/sound effects/music haunt my dreams more than any video promo/ep ever could.
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What can I say? These kind of shows are needed. And right now, AHS is the only one like this on the market. Thumbs up for that.



I'm not even going to attempt to guess what it all means. The chances of me being even remotely on the right track are exactly zero percent.
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Not even in Hollywood there is a horror movie as good as AHS. In the videogame industry maybe Slender can beat AHS's unique feel.
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Don't understand the hype with slender. Amnesia did it before, and better.
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It means this is going to be so freaking awesome. Hope you don't ruin this one Ryan Murphy.
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