American Idol Finalizes Its Catty Judges Panel

With all the leaks in the press, this news isn't as exciting as it should be (that, and the fact that American Idol is past its expiration date), but HEY GUYS AMERICAN IDOL HAS FIGURED OUT WHO ITS JUDGES WILL BE NEXT SEASON!

The early reports were true. Rapper who's slowly metamorphosing into clown Nicki Minaj and country singer turned husband of Tom Cruise's sloppy seconds Keith Urban will join the already announced Mariah Carey at the judges' table to peer over a mountain of Coca-Cola products and choose the next unknown who will sing Christmas songs over the PA systems in shopping malls. And yes, Randy Jackson will be back too, dawg! Woof woof!

And of course there is already talk about drama. I know what you're saying. "Mariah Carey? Drama? No waaaaay!" But waaaaay. If you believe the gossip columns, there's already tension between mama hen Carey and young chick Minaj, and the problem is being addressed by having Urban sit right between them. Another question that's surely on your mind: "What will Nicky Minaj drink!?" Minaj endorses Pepsi, and the talent show is sponsored by Coke. This is the most exciting thing to happen Idol since a white guy with a guitar won the show.

American Idol will return this midseason, likely in early January, on Fox.

Follow writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom

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