We're moving Forums to the Community pages. Click here for more information and updates.

American Idol: The Best and Worst Performances of Rock and Roll Week

It's time now for another trip back to war-ravaged Idolistan, where sectarian violence between orthodox Luskians and radical Durbinites is at an all-time high. Take cover! As is the custom here on Thursdays, I’ll run through the best and worst of last night’s performances, all culled this week from the catalogs of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees. But first, a couple stray observations:

1. Does someone spike the judges’ Coke with a few hits of ecstasy every week? You rarely see blank-eyed rapture like this outside of a Hare Krishna gathering. Turn it down a notch, guys!

2. I think we can all agree will.i.am is probably the most overexposed and annoying figure in pop music—scratch that, in any medium—working today. Did you see how he just lapped up that camera-time like a needy camel at a famewhore oasis?

3. If you looked closely, you may have spotted me bum-rushing the stage at the end of Scotty McCreery’s performance. I have shoulder-length blond hair and I was wearing a Forever 21 T-shirt that says “Cutest Thing Ever” on it. Did you see me?!?

And now, for what you’ve all been waiting for: The Best and Worst!

The Best

As you might've already guessed, Scotty McCreery completely won me over with his spastic spin on Elvis’s “That’s All Right Mama.” His performance suggested he’d been hit simultaneously by a doiiiiiii stick and an acute case of ants-in-the-pants-itis, but dammit if the song itself didn’t do justice to The King. And I love The King! I would not say this lightly. Keep it up, Scotty m’boy, and the keys to the Idol “king”dom are yours. (See what I did there?)



At long last, Pia Toscano tackled something that didn’t sound like it should accompany the closing-credits crawl of a James Cameron film, and it did her a world of good. She chose Ike and Tina Turner’s “River Deep Mountain High,” obviously an amazing song that requires superhuman vocals to even come anywhere close to the vicinity of the original. And she did! She did a great job. J-Lo’s only complaint, shared after a string of hyperventilated hyperlatives ("It's not that you're not amazing. Please don't ever take me the wrong way! You are spectacular!), was that maybe Pia should, you know, study her heroes’ dance moves. Well, guess what? Her heroes are Mariah Carey, whose signature dance move is scuttling back and forth like a hermit crab, and Celine Dion, best known for her sturdy, wide-legged stance and chest-thumping. So Pia, you’re doing okay.



The Worst

I’m putting Jacob Lusk in the Bottom Three, because he basically dared America to do so. In the video leading up to his performance, he said, “If I am in the Bottom Three, it won't be because I sang the song wrong. It'll be 'cause everyone in America wasn't ready to look at themselves in the mirror." Then he sang “Man in the Mirror,” rather forgettably. So guess what, Jacob: I am literally holding up a mirror to my face with one hand as I type this with the other, thereby disproving your theory.



There were arguably worse performances last night, but none quite so forgettable as Lauren Alaina’s version of Aretha Franklin’s “You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman.” This is a song meant to be sung by the most powerful, confident, and world-weary female your wildest imagination can muster. As such, Aretha pretty much nailed it the first time. No need for second attempts! The Queen of Soul got it all covered.



But Lauren did it anyway, and that produced a number of problems. For starters, she’s 16, so, you know—ick. But she also delivered a very restrained, almost polite interpretation of the song. This is not the time for manners! A woman is telling the person she loves that he alone has ignited her very entity! Her entire being! Hallelujah! Sing it, sister!


What did you think of last night's performances?

Anyway, yeah -- Lauren didn’t do that.
Comments (6)
Submit
Sort: Latest | Popular
Wow! how can this happen America ? how can this USA let one of the best singer's go...I mean that's what just happen? I really don't have words to let Pia no how much she can do in her life/because she just got let down, by the AMerican ppl...I truly hope that some way she can be put back in the show@
Reply
Flag
OMG...Im sooo shockd that Pia got sent home i wish she could b voted back on she's da best female singer on the show wat was america thinking!!!!She didn't deserve to go home......If it wasn't for Scotty i wouldn't even cont.to watch the show...!!
Reply
Flag
It's getting harder to rank all of the singes at this stage in the game but my bottom three definitely included Jacob and Stefano. I actually like Stefano and his performance this week was his best, IMHO. Stefano just isn't at the same level as some of the others. I had mixed feelings on who the third person in the bottom three should be. Long story short, regardless of who made up the bottom three on my list the person going home should have been Jacob. The fact that Pia got sent home is crazy. Jacob, Paul, and Stefano should have been sent home before Pia. People are fickle. Maybe if Pia had not listened to the judges and stayed with singing her normal ballads she might not have got sent home. The results tonight demonstrate for the second time in only a few weeks that the viewing public has no idea what in heck it's doing when it comes to voting. First Casey almost got sent home but was saved and now Pia is gone. She'll tour with the Top 11 so that's cool and there's no question she'll wind up with a recording contract but there's no way she was ranked 9th out of the final 9.
More+
Reply
Flag
I was sorry to see Pia go but I think the judges all acted like jerks, expecially Randy and owe Stefano a public apology next Wed. night because they made him feel like s_ _t and it wasn't his fault!!! Apologize Judges!!!!
Reply
Flag
Agreed, Pia did not deserve to go home tonight. In fact, I was convinced that she would be in the finale.
Reply
Flag
America,what is wrong with you?Why would you put the three best singers in the bottom three and vote off the best female voice in the whole competition?This is absurd and i'm so dissapointed!
Reply
Flag

Like TV.com on Facebook