And the New Bachelor Is…

The Almost Important News
… ABC hasn't officially named the next hunk o' beef that will be the forthcoming The Bachelor, but the gossip rags beat 'em to it. Ben Flajnik has overcome a lifetime of having last name that sounds like a euphemism for flatulence to be the next man that dozens of women will fall in love with after only having known for five minutes. Flajnik (hee hee) was the runner-up in The Bachelorette, but let's face it, by not winning Ashley as a prize and being named the next Bachelor, he's the real winner. Well played, Flajnik. Now go have sex in a hot tub. [US Magazine]

… Showtime, which is already adapting the excellent comic Chew, is working on a small-screen version of comic The Damned. The drama follows Eddie, a man who is cursed and in the middle of a mob turf war in Chicago. But all these mobsters are demons! Zoinks! [Deadline Hollywood]

… Super producer Shonda Rhimes (Grey's Anatomy etc.) is in line to executive produce Gilded Lillys, yet ANOTHER f***ing period piece. Jeez. This one is set in 1895 New York and features the city's first luxury hotel and all the peeps who work there and stay there. [Deadline Hollywood]

Casting News
Game of Thrizones has cast the character of Balon Greyjoy, Theon's dad and king/ruler of the Iron Islands. Brit actor Patrick Malahide (Billy Elliot, The World is Not Enough) will play the role, and you know what? He looks pretty damn perfect. Another great casting decision for Game of Thrones. [Winter is Coming dot net]

Eric Stoltz has landed the lead in Lifetime's dramedy pilot Modern Love. The show, from Jenny Bicks (Sex and the City, Men in Trees), centers on a man in a deteriorating marriage who goes from editor of a newspaper's science column to editor of its love column. Lifetime, where generic plots from the 1990s live forever! [Deadline Hollywood]

Boy Meets World's Ben Savage will guest star on Bones as a man in the middle of a lot of murder suspects. Isn't that how all child actors spend their lives? [TV Line]

Debbie Allen (of Fame fame) is joining Grey's Anatomy as Jackson's mom. You hear that Jackson? YOUR MOM! [EW]

Giancarlo Esposito continues to be in hot demand after handing out neckties as Gus on Breaking Bad. He's joining USA Network's Over/Under, about a pair of dudes who start a high-stakes gambling operation in Brooklyn. Esposito will play an artist in the show, and has also been cast as the man in the Magic Mirror in Once Upon a Time. From most feared man on television to gigantic wuss in two roles. [TV Guide]

Krista Allen (Days of Our Lives, softcore porn) is joining TNT's new drama Perception. She'll play... you stopped reading after "softcore porn," didn't you? [TV Guide]

The Scraps
… CBS is airing a recap special for its critically adored drama The Good Wife. On September 4 at 9:30, a 30-minute one-off will introduce the show to new audiences as well as help fans catch up on what happened. For those that know everything about the series, it will be a complete waste of your time. Finish washing the dishes instead. [LA Times]

… MTV has made the best hosting decision for the MTV Video Music Awards ever. There will be no host! [Billboard]

Follow writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom

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