We recap episode seven of Australia's Next Top Model Cycle 7.
This week, the girls act natural -- or not.
A Blonde Walks Into a....The girls arrive home to find Montana's picture-of-the-week photo framed upon their wall. Simone immediately runs over and kisses it, rapturously declaring how beautiful Montana is, while the other girls hang back and look jealous. Especially Hazel. She cannot even vaguely disguise her resentment.
The models realise (ie, are told; they can't count) that they are the top 10. Fun fact: Liz confesses that she never thought she'd make it this far (reality show contestant cliché #45,892), and had only packed enough for about five days in the comp.
The weekly, highly necessary Sarah Mail arrives, and they're told that they will be going to Kangaroo Island. They all disagree on what precise state this elusive island is a part of, but they're excited nonetheless.
They get up early and arrive at the airport, but that darned ash cloud from Chile prevents their flight from happening. The girls are taken by Charlotte Dawson to the Sydney Dance Company instead, where an Indigenous dancer teaches them how to pose in a way that draws inspiration from nature, which will apparently be helpful later this week (but never again after that).
The girls are asked to do various different poses: tree, sunshine, lightning, lava, volcano, kangaroo, wombat. "I hate nature, so I wasn't impressed with doing a nature pose," says Simone. Simone has to pose like the ocean. "I couldn't, you know, make myself 10 times bigger. It was hard!" This girl has enough quotes every single week to be able to fill an entire book of blonde jokes. Want to see how she posed like the ocean?
Nice one, girl!
Braving the ElementsThe next morning at the airport, the girls are greeted by Josh Flinn, who will apparently be going with them to Kangaroo Island. He puts them into groups of three or four, and then gives each group a phone with a keyword on it: air, land or sea. Not sure what the phones were all about (do they keep them?), but they will have to conduct their own photo shoot focusing on their assigned aspect of nature.
"Coming towards Kangaroo Island [which is here, by the way] reminded me of sailing around the Greek Islands with my family," says Amelia. Yeah, yeah, you're rich. We get it.
So, "air" turns out to be a birds of prey enclosure, where they have to pose like birds; "sea" is hanging out on a beach and getting topless; and "land" involves sand dunes and sandboarding -- which Yolanda turns out to be very good at. Give it up for hidden talents, everybody!
Due to some sort of strange but convenient time vortex, Josh is able to be with all three groups simultaneously, and he takes the photographs once the girls have decided on the setting and poses necessary to represent their natural, nature-themed beauty (are you getting the over-arching topic of this episode yet?).
Amelia takes charge of the sand dune photo, much to the other girls' annoyance. Why are they surprised? Even we know that she's a little bossy boots. She tells the girls where to stand, how to stand, where the photo will be taken from -- and then places herself front and centre, of course. Even Josh thinks it's funny.
Izzy, meanwhile, is off at the bird enclosure (of course -- where else would she be?), and she chooses the most intense bird-of-prey pose humanly possible, and also places herself in the very middle of their "air" photo.
After they're done with their self-gratuitous "nature" shoots, the girls then all head up to the most lavish hotel ever -- seriously, it's out of control. Sarah Murdoch sure did marry a rich guy, and she sure does want us to know.
Amelia treats us to another little titbit about her life: "I've been to lots of places all over the world -- America, Canada, Asia, Europe. I think of all hotels I've stayed in, this hotel was probably the best." Oh, whatever, Richie Rich.
Josh gathers them all to announce that the winners are Montana, Jess and Simone for their topless "sea" photo, which is sort of artistic, but mainly not.
"Their photo was amazing; we would never have thought of taking our tops off," says innocent little Liz. Good to hear that at least she won't end up in Playboy. Wish we could say the same for "models-with-her-tits" Simone (Alex Perry's term, not ours).
Fur Better or WorseThe following day dawns, and the girls have to get up early again, you guys. God, what is this, a job? This time, they're taken to a pile of interestingly shaped rocks, dressed and made up in crazy, over-the-top tribal wear and told to pose like ... we don't know what like, exactly. Just roll with it.
"I'm not a very big nature fan, so it was kinda just, 'cool rocks. Nice boulder'," says Simone. Okay, that was actually funny. She's growing on us.
Liz is a little hesitant about wearing fur in the shoot. But never fear; Amelia assuages this feeling of guilt with her own brand of logic: "I think if it's vintage fur, it's all right, cos it was done in the past." Right on!
The girls all pose amongst the "cool boulders" in their appalling outfits, draping themselves with dead animals and looking like Neanderthals. Jess says, "I feel so cool right now. I'm so in love with myself right now. Like, I could get married in this." Do it, Jess. We want to see that.
But back to Simone, who's more entertaining than most of these girls put together. Simone's focusing more on the photographer than the shoot; "I love Nick; he's so attractive and so nice," she gushes. Oh, Simone.
Nine LivesJudgement time finally arrives. "Mother nature really did throw everything at us," says Sarah, like she was there. She wasn't even in the episode except for this very last judging bit. And jeez, she's in bitch mode this week.
"I just see it as really flat, Montana," she says to the previous week's winner.
And she finally makes Simone cry! The judges (even the photographer that she was so into) all say that she looks too sexy -- again. Usually she takes it as a compliment, but this time they really go off at her about it. They tell her to "study up on the magazines" so that she can create a more high-fashion look.
They then move on to Liz. "I think it's time you stopped being nervous coming to photo shoots. Otherwise you're going to see me cross. You haven't seen me cross yet," Sarah says.
"It's actually ridiculously beautiful, this picture; I just want to vomit on the desk," Charlotte tells Liz. "I wish I looked like that. I'd be rockin' green eye make-up every damn day!"
"I wish you looked like that, too," says Alex to Charlotte. "I have to sit next to you all the time."
Hey, how awesome are Izzy's shoes? They're the best thing worn all episode!
It comes down to Jess, Amelia and Yolanda to go home. This is the first week that they've been completely unimpressed with Amelia, which is quite refreshing! She has irritated us for a long time.
In the end, it's Yolanda who goes home, which is sort of sad. She was smart and friendly, especially compared to the others. When can we get rid of Amelia?
Sarah-Murdoch-is-rich factor: 10/10
Sheer idiocy factor: 9/10
Australia's Next Top Model airs 7:30pm Mondays on Fox8.
See last week's rundown here, and come back next week for our recap of the latest episode!
Missed an episode?
Recap - Episode 6: Red, Red Whine
Recap - Episode 5: Flop and Chop
Recap - Episode 4: Mindless Body and Spirit
Recap - Episode 3: Cue the Waterworks
Recap - Episode 2: Paris When it Fizzles
Recap - Episode 1: Boot Cramp