Being Human's Season 3 Premiere: LOL Vampire Flu

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Being Human S03E01: "It’s a Shame About Ray"

And we’re back! When we last checked in with the monster mash, Sally was in limbo, Aidan was buried alive, and Josh was possibly—but probably not actually—dead. According to the writing on the screen, fifteen months have passed since everything went to figurative hell. Though you have to be careful with the phrasing when you write things like that about these kinds of shows; you never know when a character may end up in actual literal Hell. The credits also conveniently pointed out that Mark Pellegrino would be making an appearance, which instantly kicked the episode's awesome levels up a few notches even though his return was actually kind of boring. (Sowwy.)

While the seemingly endless setting-up of the plot for the immediate future got tedious, a tip of the hat is warranted for the pile o’ fake-outs that dominated the first quarter of “It’s a Shame About Ray:”

Fifteen months later and... everyone is fine? Negative, Ghost Rider, Aidan was just several jets short of a flight pattern.

Josh was put down like the rabid dog in Old Yeller? J/K.

Norah and Josh totes disturbed Aidan’s eternal underground timeout? Nope, just some wackjob in a tracksuit going on about some vampire flu. Nothing to see here. Carry on.

Actually, let’s pause and talk about the ridiculousness of the vampire flu that apparently conveniently (maybe) wiped out Mother and the gang while Aidan was serving time six feet under. The writers apparently meant flu in the literal sense, as in random-vampire-sucks-blood-from-flu-infected-human-and-dies-horribly. I’m not kidding.

Let me get this straight: These centuries-old, in some cases millennia-old, supernatural creatures who are generally pretty freaking immortal until you poke them with a wooden stake, can be taken out by the FLU? How did they ever get through the 20th century? I hear 1918 had a KILLER flu season. Did everyone somehow simply avoid sucking down the flu bug for the past entire existence of the planet? I’m sorry, I’m trying to comprehend how this plotline isn’t completely ridiculous but I’m too busy laughing my ass off. I mean, at one point, Heggeman’s old flunky, Atlee, actually uttered the line, “They get their flu shots and we get...*shrug*” Even the fictional character realized that his words were like something fueled by a plate of pot brownies, a forty of the cheapest malt liquor available, and the kind of paranoia that comes from indulging in those two treats while watching the evening news.

I’m confused, but I’m also intrigued, because the idea is so empty of common sense that I kind of suspect that that the vampire flu isn’t actually related to the human flu at all and that its correlation is pure coincidence. The Dutch were wrong about Aidan’s blood holding the key to their cure, so maybe they were just wrong about everything pertaining to flu season. They do spend most of their time hibernating, after all.

At least Aidan hallucinated his way through the majority of his scenes. We needed some laughs to give us break from Norah and Josh’s murder, mayhem, and grave-robbing angst. Mark Pellegrino, who apparently specializes in playing hallucinations these days, popped in as Awesome Dead Bishop to mock his blood-starved fledgeling as Hallucination Sally and Hallucination Josh bickered in the backseat. MISS U, BISHOP. MISS U, BEING HUMAN’S TWISTED SENSE OF HUMOR.

Don’t get me wrong, the idea of monsters striving to be humans, struggling with their innate destructive tendencies, is a nifty TV mirror to shove in our faces, but at the same time, tuning in shouldn’t feel like an 8am-on-a-Monday ethics lecture. It’s the season premiere—make me excited to be back and excited to come back next week. We have an entire season to watch Josh (or, as we like to call him in my household, “Werewolf Mimi-Siku”) get so tangled in his guilt and paranoia that we'll be surprised if he manages to get out of bed every morning. Ganking Ray appeared to free Josh from his monthly curse, but the boy barely paused to smile before diving right back into the angst ocean. Killing Ray didn’t free Norah because Ray didn’t make Norah, which is a total bummer but also kind of a no-brainer, and there’s plenty of time to emote about that later. Right now, it’s time to kick this season off and I feel like we’re already stuck in the mud, which is a strange feeling because if you think about it, a lot was accomplished in “It’s a Shame About Ray”:

1. Josh is no longer a werewolf! He always thought that ditching his curse would suddenly simplify his life, but with a werewolf girlfriend, an MIA vampire bestie, and a reanimated former lovesick/batshit crazy ghost friend, I’m sure he’ll find that that’s hardly the case.

2. Aidan is out of the box! He’s in rough shape and I’m not entirely sure how anyone is supposed to fix that if he’s all starved and incomprehensible and apparently all the blood ever is tainted and inedible, but even though that storyline currently makes my head hurt, at least the powers that be didn’t decide to drag his rescue out for an episode or four.

3. Sally is out of limbo! And she’s alive! Sort of! With a little help from the neighborhood witch, $2,000, and Dead Ray’s heart, Sally rejoined the land of the living with flesh and blood and everything. Suicide Stevie and Nautical Nick also caught a ride back. Any guesses on when this will backfire? I give it two episodes.

Being Human’s Season 3 premiere performed the two most essential functions of any series return: It wrapped up the lingering storylines from the previous finale and it set the stage for the coming season’s story. I just wish it had done so in a manner that didn’t have me staring at the clock every five minutes, wondering when this episode would finally end.



NOTES


– Atlee said that Mother was either dead or abroad looking for clean blood to feed on. I’m putting my money on abroad because dead would be a super cop-out. What about you?

– I like how Josh was all horrified at the idea of shooting Ray... but then he bashed his brains in with a rock because that’s so much less brutal and horrific.

– Did anyone else get to see that awful Being Human Subaru commercial during their episode? I <3 u, Syfy.

– So... apparently Ray was sort of resurrected at the end of the episode? Does this mean anything for Josh’s “cure” or are undead werewolves totally different from live ones?

– You guys, this show has UNDEAD WEREWOLVES. :D


What did you think of Being Human’s return?

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