Better Off Ted: Getting Better All the Time

Whee!

If you watched last night's Season 2 premiere of Better Off Ted, you know why I began this article with that word. If you didn't, you should be ashamed of yourself. But I'll tell you why, anyway. Veridian Dynamics' indomitable head honchette Veronica (Portia de Rossi) explained her company's new matchmaking program, "Whee! Love is in the Air" like so: "Anything that starts with 'Whee!' is just a fun suggestion. Like the Constitution. We the people."

Her statement may not have been lexically accurate, but it certainly was true. The matchmaking program in question was fun—and the entire situation was beyond funny. It paired up employees according to genetic compatibility, causing pre-determined (but fleeting) sparks to fly in the workplace. It's honestly difficult to choose which pair resulted in the most hilarious antics: Ted (Jay Harrington) saying three words too many on his first date, Linda (Andrea Anders) finding herself appalled by guest-wooer Taye Diggs (is that even possible?), Veronica demanding Lem's (Malcolm Barrett) sperm, or Phil (Jonathan Slavin) receiving a free vasectomy. Let's break it down:

-- Ted's storyline took a wrong turn somewhere after he blurted out "I love you" on the first date with his genetic match. He began the episode promising to "rescue a young, beautiful lady from a Ted-less existence," but finished it with a far-fetched lie about his Native American background. Sorry, but turning "I love you" into "I love Utah" helped neither Ted nor the BOT writers.

-- Linda, on the other hand, got to stare at Taye Diggs for an entire episode. His character (and her genetic match), Greg, revealed that he loved to lurk in the park wearing a bear costume. So she aborted that mission. Simple, quirky, effective. And hilarious.

-- Veronica cornered Lem, king of the inquisitive, nervous facial expression, for his sperm after learning that they were a perfect genetic match. Disheartened by her un-motherly instincts and a looming edible moss project, he enlists partner-in-crime Phil to help ward off Veronica. I'm game anytime Lem and Phil are onscreen at the same time.

-- Phil, always the wordsmith responds valiantly: "If you want Lem's moss, you gotta back off his sauce." As a married man, Phil received not a list of genetic matches, but a free vasectomy. After fretting over what he felt was the company's blatant bias against the Mymans, he discovered that his family was reproductively gifted! A happy ending.

So what was the standout moment of the episode? There were probably too many to count. In fact, I'd argue that the script itself was the superstar. With the exception of that weak "Utah" joke, the entire episode was riddled with solid, repeatable, and hysterical quotes, which are hard to find on television nowadays. The Office once held a monopoly on one-liners, but even a classic like "That's what she said!" has been squeezed dry. Better Off Ted could provide welcome relief from the drought.

Better Off Ted airs Tuesdays at 9:30 p.m. on ABC.