Can someone tell me what year this is? Or what decade, even? Because the headline, “BILLY CRYSTAL REPLACES EDDIE MURPHY AS ACADEMY AWARDS HOST” feels like it should have been buried in a time capsule in the early ‘90s. Still, that’s the news, as broken by Crystal, now 63, via Twitter: “Am doing the Oscars so the young woman in the pharmacy will stop asking my name when I pick up my prescriptions. Looking forward to the show.” Yikes. Remember when Paul Reiser decided it was time to come out of retirement? And all the jokes were about how no one recognizes him anymore? Yeah. I’m getting a bad feeling.
Luckily, however this goes, it will only last about four hours. And there’s no denying that Crystal was, once upon a time, a dependable host. Unlike Murphy, he will definitely do a musical number, and we already know how it will go (“It’s a wonderful night for OS-car! Oscar Oscar etc...”); he’ll ad-lib some delightful one-liners to keep us on our toes (remember his riff on Jack Palance’s one-armed push-ups? No? You weren’t born yet? Never mind); and, most importantly, he won’t do anything controversial that will add to this year’s already scandal-tinged ceremony. That’s all the Academy is really hoping for at this point: no bad publicity.
So now that that’s settled, feel free to release some movies worthy of winning awards, Hollywood. Haven’t seen a single one so far this year, except maybe Bridesmaids. TV has far surpassed movies as the place to go for quality dramas and comedies. Do you agree?