Celebrity Apprentice: Lou-sing It (A Song of Medusa and Hercules)

The Celebrity Apprentice S12E08

The arm of Hercules diminished not
though years had cast a pallor on his face
below the aged skin the muscles wrought
one mortal’s refusal to age with grace
and though his tongue could never speak the thought
body weakening, his resolve was weakened not

Beside him sat Medusa, long resigned
to treat her body like a Snuggie, stained
and though her head be ringed in serpentine
she doted ‘pon the treasures of her brain
and while a quick tongue would leap to profane
in argument no ground from her he’d gain

Protested he to Trump at boardroom long
that he in vain had begged stronger branding
and in his heart knew the casting wrong
in front of camera wanted to be standing
Lisa, each argument of his she grasped
and flung from her each like a poison’d asp

Now in the boardroom, solemn all
heard Lou threaten if Lisa had been man
without a thought he’d chuck her through a wall
beside him, head bowed, the silent Dayana
waited to take him back into the room
where Lisa’s wit would spell his doom

Even at the dawn of the show’s starting
at mad Arsenio, Lisa had roared
proclaiming his words no more than sharting
despising him for calling Aubrey whore
Aubrey, after hot words, had not come back
left to refuel herself with spunk and Jack

Returned, Aubrey’s above-it-all air
her cool words soothed, her shaky team enforced
counterfeit joy, each a false smile did wear
and let the awkward filming run its course
thus does professionalism work
joining the forces of invet’rate jerks

The blood of Lisa courses not slow enough
to let cool words escape her quick mind’s grip
her cadence fast, her mannish tone quite rough
each word an arrow with a fatal tip
without thought, the Amazonian bow
lets loose its hurt upon poor Farrigno

No false niceties hath her assessment
her team returning without Dee, her sighs
showed no confidence in them invested
she hath not courtesy enough to lie
but showered invective on her teammates
leaving, advised Penn not to stay up late

Was this what quickened Hercule’s anger
and made his boulder jaw, his ears to twitch
their work he disowned like a stranger
and in betraying them proved the true bitch
Lisa, Dayana’s side for once did take
and would not betray beauty for truth’s sake

Entertainment.com four spots did get
the weary audience, two times must watch
hamfisted innuendo, risqué yet
somehow the very opposite of “hot”
Perchance in arguments ‘fore the win is called
Trump auditions the best conflict of all

Trump does play the players back and forth
before any reason to betray their bond
has them pull weapons and to him report
the strongest and weakest of the pawns
leaving the winners to file out in disgrace
whether they win or not, they must lose face

Theresa’s team like one flesh did strong stand
and defied Trump to pick an argument
such solidarity from this band
which had before unruly dissidence
knew one more argument they could not take
and Trump here mercy showed for their sake

An uneasy victory the victors took
and yet the true glory of battle fell
To Lisa, Medusa, who no wound took
but strong beneath fragile-seeming shell
matched wits with Lou, her words proved cleaving
the wit still stands, the brawny man is leaving

Better to have made his reason strong
and beat a better shield out of his mind
for years of youth and strength are never long
and time upon the sinews of man is unkind
the pride of flesh withers and will fail
the mind stays strong, only wisdom prevails

Women, remember this true lesson here
next a disloyal man, never silent be
no matter if you his displeasure fear
the only true ugliness is dishonesty
Lisa, bathed in truth, is truly beauty-blessed
and wit outstripping all, last night outshined the rest


– Is loyalty everything?

– Do you have a new respect for Lisa Lampanelli or do you think she’s bi-polar?

– Will you miss Lou or was it high time for him to go?

– How long until we get to see another Arsenio-Aubrey spat?

– Is Aubrey conniving or surprisingly mature?

– Who do you think deserves the title of Celebrity Apprentice?

Like TV.com on Facebook