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Celebrity Apprentice, Translated

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The language of the entertainment industry is amorphous, noncommittal, and steeped in various waves of psychology. The business of office culture is diplomatic, cagey, and spackled with buzzwords. On Celebrity Apprentice, you combine the two, and suddenly everything is a lie wrapped in a riddle buried in a secret. I had to call in my bullsh-t translator for this week's episode "How Much Is That Celebrity In The Window?", a window dressing challenge that asked the ladies' and men's teams, who can barely communicate through their words, to communicate to the world by dressing two Lord & Taylor's windows.

Here are some almost indecipherable quotes from the show, and here are the real world translations by our certified Bullsh-t Translator, Inez. Hi Inez!

Okay. So when the teams first started, the women's groups started discussing which of them would physically appear in the windows as living mannequins. Debbie Gibson offered to model:

During the fabrication, Lou Farignole tried to interject when Adam Carolla and the biker guy were working out a signage problem.

The women had to come up with a completely different concept for their window minutes before the deadline, because of a printing error.

Later, when Ivanka went to judge the windows, she noticed they had cast Aubrey O'Day to portray her in the window.

Later in the board room, Trump asked project leader Dayana who she would send back to the board room.

The men's team also had their own share of drama. Dee had to spend the challenge in the hospital getting four pins put in his finger, and Trump told the men's team they could not even nominate him to be fired, which was met with mixed results. Dee looked a little hurt by their dismay that they couldn't nominate him.

Ultimately, the men's team lost the challenge, and their project manager went home. The Donald did the honors.

Glad we've cleared a little of that up. Ultimately, the women won their first challenge, and ancient George Takei went home, the first loss for the men's team. Kind of wonder if they decided to have the third project judged in-house so they could make sure the women won this time, to stir the pot and even the numbers. Any thoughts?


…Did the women's team deserve to win?

…Do you feel sorry for Lou?

…Has Audrey O' Day had facial surgery?

…What other BS statements did you hear, and can you translate them for me?

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